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Why do looks matter?

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  • Why do looks matter?

    For the last 6 months the feeling of ugliness has taken over. I honestly think that when it comes to other people that, everyone is beautiful but i can not apply this to myself. I feel completly worthless and don't see why anyone could love me (which is taking its toll on my relationship with my boyfriend of two years and also the relationship with my friends). Why do looks matter? Why should being ugly lead to having less of a life?

  • It only will bother you if you let it. Don't let it get into your mind and get back into life! Beautiful can be ugly to the bone and Ugly can be beautiful to the bone. It's a 2 sided mirror, if you have a boyfriend of 2 years and he loves you and he thinks you are beautiful- then who cares what others think? Love yourself and be glad you are who you are. Don't let your mind beat you up!


    • i agree with mark . . . looks only matter if you let them. & if you have a boyfriend of 2 years tht loves you and thinks your beautiful, does it rly matter wht everyone else thinks? do you think your opinions on your body image may be exaggerated? i have been doing some research on BDD (Body Dysmorphic Disorder) & it is a lot more common than i think ppl realize. you can learn more about it here: **removed outbound link**

      i hope this helps . . . & remember: beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes all the way down to the bone.
      Last edited by Mes T; 05-14-2011, 03:15 PM. Reason: removed outbound link
      "we should all start to live before we get too old. fear is stupid. so are regrets"
      marilyn monroe <3


      • YourLullaby, what's happened in your life to bring these thoughts on? If you can tell us, then maybe we can help figure out what the root of the problem is. Because I seriously doubt this stems from your actual looks.

        Beauty is relative. I think Lily Cole is gorgeous yet my boyfriend thinks she looks like a warped alien.


        • First of all your contradicting yourself because you are in a relationship for the last 2 years so obviously someone loves you.

          Is your partner abusive at all? Maybe his negative comments are the reason, as you say for the last 6 months......?

          What do you think ugly is? What makes you think that you are ugly.....something must have bought that on.....a negative comment somewhere or personal insecurities from childhood. Think where this negative useless thought came from and get the help needed to sort your negative attittude out.

          Improving your self confidence seems a natural solution but perhaps the onslaught of depression may make you think to see you doctor about some professional therapy that may help with the attitude that you are having now.

          Oh and don't delay this ----- get help/improve yourself as soon as possible!
          I am going to tell you what you don't want to hear!
          Advice is what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't


          • Each poster has good, very good points here.

            Why should being ugly lead to having less of a life?
            Why would someone feel ugly unless someone, somewhere has made them feel that way?

            I am old, but what do you see when you see my photo?

            At 17? I thought I was not attractive, ugly is a strong word... At 21 I saw myself in the mirror and realised whom ever made me feel that? Kids at school? Jealous? Family trying to make me be me, not up myself, whom ever, were wrong and the thing is? It's skin deep whom loves you? You, whom sees you as the inner person, others when you show them.



            • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
              At 17? I thought I was not attractive, ugly is a strong word... At 21 I saw myself in the mirror and realised whom ever made me feel that? Kids at school? Jealous? Family trying to make me be me, not up myself, whom ever, were wrong and the thing is? It's skin deep whom loves you? You, whom sees you as the inner person, others when you show them.

              Ooh this hits home! Same story for me as well.


              • I've struggled with my looks, my self-esteem for as long as I can remember and still continue to struggle. I've been frumpy and overweight.. and thought if only I was some skinny blonde... I would feel better about myself. I worked my butt off and got skinny, yep even dyed the hair blonde... I have round perky boobs, abs, and get plenty of attention from men. I still pick myself apart everytime I look in the mirror. I will never be good enough for me.

                I've realized only recently that its not the outer appearance that needs fixing when you feel bad about your looks. I thought conquering everything I thought was wrong about me would make me naturally feel better inside but it didn't, it hasn't. Its just made me look for more things wrong with me. And even if those were no longer an issue... I'd surely find something else wrong. Its my insides that need the make-over.

                Some of the most beautiful women I know would never be on the cover of a cosmopolitan magazine.. but they know their worth and how it isn't wrapped up in what they look like, but who they are... and it shines... and people gravitate to it. And its awesome. I don't know that I will ever be that woman, but I want to be.

                I want to look at the mirror and feel good about what I see... no matter whats reflecting back at me. But I know that its going to be a long process to get there, if I ever do. But I try day by day... to love myself a little more... for things that have nothing to do with my outsides.

                External beauty fades, internal beauty transends the physical body... and is infinate.
                Scars remind us of where we've been...they don't have to dictate where we're going.


                • Looks are subjective, and it only matters if you think it matters dear. Only you can change the way you think about things and how you view yourself, others will pick up on it. If they don't, well that's their problem.


                  • Thank you very much for all your support.
                    Thank you very much for all your support.

                    It helps to know that i am not the only one who feels this way and how everyone else has over come this.

                    No my partner abusive at all, i fact he has been really supportive but 7 months ago we almost broke up and i think could have contributed to how i am feeling.

                    When i was growing up, i was badly bullied - although by looks were never the main focus. However their has always been at one person critical of my looks, recently an ex boyfriend.

                    Admittedly i will probably need to go to the doctor as i think i could have BDD.


                    • Why do you think you have BDD?

                      You know when a past boyfriend says something nasty, he is the loser and because of that he thinks by speaking nasty words, it will make him feel better, this has nothing to do with you and everything to do with him, he would know that you have been with your current boyfriend for 2 years and jealousy also comes into it, she was mine....

                      So smile in that knowing.

                      What may be good for you is to learn kickboxing I was bullied at school, and two girls picked the wrong girl to fight with in front of all the school and teachers, never was I picked on a gain, two against one? I won...there is a sense of confidence after that, in yourself also as a person....

                      Never run away from things that bring you down, face them head on, deal with it, learn and watch yourself grow...

                      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!


                      • I've done a few of the self diagnosis tests online and they've all came out telling me i have moderate/severe BDD and i've read some of the stories - where a lot of them recalled similar habits to mine. Although lately i thought i was getting better, i hadn't had a low day in over a month (other than minor attacks whenever i had to do my make up and get ready but that didn't last long) but a few weeks ago it started to get bad again.

                        Thanks for the note on the ex, i really do hope that this is all it was :-)

                        The idea of kickboxing sounds awesome, i did taekwondo for a few years as a pre teen but the idea of long lies quickly seemed more appealing, so maybe now that i'm older...


                        • Online diagnosis are very improper. Only a real professional can diagnose. Online sources will provide the shock factor, personal stories are called anecdotes which simply means a personal story and not a generalized story, and are not supported by true professionals as a way to diagnose. Reading "symptoms may include headache, upset stomach, vomiting and soreness", does not mean you are dying of cancer like the online diagnosis may have said, it means you likely have the flu...the common flu. The tests online are used as an extremely broad means to diagnose anything, they just want people to go to the website so they can get paid for the number of visitors that go to the site. If I say I could not sleep last night according to an online test I may be suffering from extreme clinical depression which I know is not the case. They say things like if you think about something twice in your day you are suddenly a chronic OCD patient....no it just means you thought about something in your day a couple times. Not liking body shape does not mean a person is suffering from debilitating BDD it means you are one of the many that simply are not happy with the way they look, it is a natural response to vanity which we all experience at some point in our lives.
                          There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.


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