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Why am i doing this...

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  • Why am i doing this...

    Gigi has OFFICIALLY gone downhill...

    My life is a complete wreck...

    My daddy has a month left til hes completely blind...My mom hates me and apparently thrives off seeing me cry.My little brother...ugh i dont even know...Hes just really mean now to me. And gigi...she cries alot and is now cutting herself... :'(

    My relationship with my mom....is not healthy.We fight ALOT. My little brother is such a mommas boy...so hes gets the attention...and im left alone. My sister and her boyfriend want me to move in with them but they live in an condo up by the mountains and dont have the room nor can i afford gas going back and fourth to work...

    I started cutting a few months ago...I know its bad...and i know its wrong...But i do it. I'm an emotional mess and i cry all the time.

    My dads diabetes have caused him to lose his eye sight...even tho he has been on all his meds regularly.Now everyone is stressed over it and scared for him...

    I wanna feel better but i dont think im going to for a long time

    I miss you all


  • Gigi

    Our little one...

    I don't know why but obsticles seem to come in threes don't they... You've been through alot over the last couple of years and I understand things seem low at present but you know that cutting isn't going to solve it, it's short term if it is giving you a relief. I won't say anything more on that matter other than, you have to see someone, please there are other methods to help you keep calm. Go and see a Doctor....

    I know a Dog is not a Human being but I get worried about Kia (my Husky) going blind, as she is now a diabetic but Dad is alive and needs your love, not your worry.

    Can you get a second job? Part time work? Go find one and go live with your sister until you can stand on your own two feet, I know that you have abided by their rules of their home for a long time but you can now make your own life, and I know it's tough out their financially but if you have got to the point of cutting? Then, try to get more work . There is always a solution we just have to sit back and find it...

    You know we are here for you ....and you have to be there for your Dad not scared for him, but there for him, he will adjust but he needs all the love to help him through it and from the sounds of it, you need some love yourself beautiful.


    • The common misconception that cutters have is "I can dull that pain, with THIS pain". In other words, they try to distract themselves from other pains, by inflicting pain upon themselves. But think for a minute.......what ELSE can do you to distract yourself from your stressors? Write your heart out. Draw. Paint....take your paint and sling it around on a canvas until you feel better...the result is a beautiful painting FULL of emotion. Run, run until your legs can't run anymore. Volunteer at a non-profit like the Boys and Girls club. Participate in fundraising for Diabetes Awareness, I'm sure there are groups in your area. Find an outlet that is productive.

      It is never easy to watch someone you love suffer. It will never be easy. Your dad is going blind and that is reality. You cutting won't change it. What you are doing is not an outlet....it's something that will leave you scars to forever haunt you of the feelings you are currently feeling. Is that what you want? I expect not....I expect you want to get past what you're feeling, to overcome it, to see happier days. Do you want to live with the constant reminder every time you look down at your arms or legs? Now is the time in your life to learn to accept reality for what it is, and deal with it in the most productive way you can. Your dad is going to be blind..........but he is going to be alive. Blind people function quite normally all over the world. And every day there are new medical developments to help people gain their sight back. We grow up thinking in a way that our parents are immortal, but reality is that they aren't. It's important to cherish and make the absolute best of the time you have with the people you love. My advice to you is to live your life in such a way that you can look back with no regrets. Will you one day regret cutting yourself to pieces instead of laughing, loving, cherishing time with your father? Yes, you absolutely will.

      Your mom may be a rotten person. I don't know her well enough to say that. But what I do know is that you are ALL probably stressed right now, worried, scared, upset and are taking it out on each other. You, if you're a highly emotional person, are the easiest one to fight with because you will give her the response and distraction she's seeking. It's wrong...but doesn't make it any less likely. My mom and I fought ALOT when I was your age. I truly felt like I walked in my brothers shadows my whole life. Mom knew EXACTLY how to push my buttons and I knew exactly how to push hers. So when we were stressed about other things....we took it out on each other. Now, my mom is my absolute best friend in the world.

      Don't go get yourself put on any meds....go get yourself some counseling, a therapist, someone you can let all this out to. This is a crucial point in your life in which you learn how you will handle things in your life. Do you lay down and wallow...........or do you stand up, brush yourself off and make the best out of your situation KNOWING that it WILL get better?

      Find an outlet. A REAL outlet like I mentioned above. Find several outlets if that's what you need. We are always here to listen.
      "Be what you're looking for."


      • Her mother has had several cancer scares over the past few years, and Gigi has some health issues of her own, so I think all those things and her father's diabetes combine to add a huge amount of stress to the family atmosphere.


        • BD has hit it pretty good. I have found I can be pretty productive when I am on the edge from worry. Make some plans that stretch you and then implement them. Make sure those plans create more order in your life.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia


          • I probably added pressure there in my reply re:- finding part time work I just know Gigi that you haven't been happy at home for a long time, I guess that was the only solution I could think of for you.....

            But, also I agree with BD, she wrote as she always does, her reply in-depth and with quality.... Drugs aren't the solution they would be a bandaid but cutting is not the solution sweet heart and I am so sorry that you have reverted to that but you also know how strong you are to stop...


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