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I Love The Freedom Of Living Alone But Sometimes It Is Lonely

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  • I Love The Freedom Of Living Alone But Sometimes It Is Lonely

    For many, living alone means the freedom to do what you want when you want. But that freedom doesn't come without times of loneliness and isolation.

    After living with others for many years, I couldn't have been more stoked to have my own space, privacy, and the freedom to just be myself.

    While all those things were indeed awesome, at times I found myself feeling intense loneliness and even isolation. How about you?

    Because I know that so many of you living alone are going through this right now, I wrote this article to share my experience along with how I learned to cope.

    You can read the article here:


    So, let's talk about it. You've heard my story, now I'd love to hear yours. Have you ever lived alone? Did you experience times of loneliness and isolation? How did you learn to cope?

    Share your frustrations and triumphs and connect meaningfully with others in similar situations.
    Editor’s Note: This forum post is part of our ongoing series The Roots Of Loneliness Project: Unearthing Why We Feel Alone, the first-of-its-kind directory that comprehensively explores the phenomenon of loneliness and 80+ types that we might experience over the course of our lives.

    Click the link to find resources and information on virtually any form of loneliness you may be personally experiencing.
    Last edited by Ashlee T.; 04-20-2020, 07:58 AM.

  • I live alone and love it! I am free in that sense. I like my own company sometimes, too. I feel much happier in my own apartment. I make the rules for myself.

    I'd advise anyone - if they're able - to get their own apartment/house/bungalow. Living alone is great. Of course, there are downsides. But if you've got the numbers of plumbers/electricians/emergency services/etc you're fine and don't have to worry. It takes bravery to live alone, but is totally doable.


    • I always enjoyed living alone. I did so for over ten years. So much so that at one point I struggled with the idea of ever having a significant other live with me. I worried that I'd never feel totally myself and comfortable (I was wrong, thankfully.)

      I do remember there were times I definitely felt lonely. But I think those were more tied to my relationship status at the time. If everyone seemed to be doing fun things with their partners and I didn't have one, I felt lonely at times as a result but I don't think it was every tied to living alone.
      "Be what you're looking for."


      • Popcorn&Candy I agree... Even with the crazy rent hikes in the Bay Area, I always preferred my teeny tiny studio over a house shared with three (or more!) other people, as many of my acquaintances and neighbors were doing. It might have been pocket-sized, but it was all MINE! Despite my struggles with loneliness, it's true what they say: Once you get your own place, it's just too hard to go back to living with roommates


        • Ashlee T. You bring up a good point -- I too was worried that the longer I lived by myself, the more ingrained my little habits, rituals and quirks would become.

          For example, I used to like keeping my place "just so," to the degree that my drawers were all perfectly organized and every object had its home. I thought: How would I ever be able to live with another person's mess? Conversely, I've always been a night owl, staying up until the wee hours. Living alone was great but I knew there may come a day where I'd have to tiptoe around my own living room at night... All the countless little compromises you have to make when you live with another!

          Of course, fast forward many years and I now live with a three-year old, so messes definitely don't phase me anymore. (And I still stay up late at night, but now I also have to get up early in the morning!)

          ...Glad it worked out with your significant other btw, and that you can be comfortable and be yourself!


          • It's funny this post comes up now, as I just really had it strike me a week or so ago, that I don't prefer living alone. I've lived alone, and I've had a husband or roommates along the way also. I really just miss having someone around.
            My last roomie moved out about 2.5 years ago.

            I guess I never felt restricted with any roommate. It was either a good fit of personality, or it's been my house, so I made the rules. It was always a win/win for me.

            Another reason it came to mind recently, is that I'm dating someone now for about a year. We haven't even discussed moving in together, and I'm not ready for that step. Yet, I am not sure what that would look like for me in terms of a romantic relationship serious enough to actually live together. That's a scenario very different than having a roommate. That's a level of space invasion that I can't quite comprehend. I've been divorced now 8 years, so, it's been a long time since anyone occupied that intimate space with me.

            I do think about taking on another roommate.


            • atskitty2 - Do you think the revelation came about as a result of the pandemic and realizing that you miss more regular human contact? I was discussing this with a close friend who lives alone. This shut-in situation has been much different for her and I hadn't really thought of it because I see myself as Miss Independent, but even on my days alone I know someone is coming home that evening. I also have a dog who keeps me happy company. So I'm never really alone. But for her, her work life was really her only human interaction (aside from things like the gym or meeting up with friends on occasion for dinner) so NOT going to work each day AND living alone has been trying for her.

              Maybe once all this slows down and life gets back to whatever the new normal is, it will be the push you needed to seek a new roomie.
              "Be what you're looking for."


              • Yeah, I do think it forced that realization, but I've wondered about this since my last roomie vacated. Being shut-in solidified what had been sort of lingering beneath the surface for awhile. I really like having people around, and yeah, it is difficult to admit that. I value my private time, but I also need the social time.

                I do go to work, but work relationships are professional. I don't tend to get too involved with work people.
                Spending so much time alone, without hearing another human voice, is depressing. I listen to my recorded lectures sometimes and day dream about being in the lecture hall, surrounded by my classmates again.
                My dog is a great companion but she requires a lot of care now, since she's aging, so our relationship is different. She's not feeling well many days, and interacts with me less than she used to.

                I really miss a hug, or just a smile. I meet my guy once or twice a week, weather permitting, for an outdoor, distanced visit. That's great to have that time, but not touching him is torturous, and the visits are usually short.


                • I actually deeply enjoy my solitude and living "alone"...I put that in quotes because while I've lived with my brother for about 20 years (we're both super bachelors!), it is pretty much like living alone...

                  We keep to separate parts of the house, and some days don't even really see each other -- if I didn't hear him, I would think I was all alone!

                  I love this set up -- it's extremely peaceful to me to wake up on my own accord, have my own items "just so" and not have to be accountable to anyone but myself -- including what TV program to watch, schedule to create, etc.

                  Now, I do have the added advantage of living with someone, so I'm not completely alone per see...and it is nice to have someone to talk to when/if that does happen, share a story, my day, their day, laugh, and hang out on the weekends watching TV and playing video games...

                  So, perhaps I have the best of both worlds and haven't even realized it till now -- I live "alone" yet "with" someone in a beautiful synergy of balance, solitude, peace and connection.

                  And I think that is what we all really need -- solitude without loneliness and isolation.


                  • The downside to living alone is having to use a laundrette because your washer/dryer has broken down! LOL. It either has to be fixed or replaced: more money gone.

                    Life alone, eh?


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