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Unable to lose my virginity + a weird sensation down there

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  • Unable to lose my virginity + a weird sensation down there

    Hi everyone! I am new here and would like your opinion on a very delicate topic.
    So my boyfriend and I have been trying to have sex for quite a while now. The problem is, I experience immence pain, as if something was tearing me from the inside. At one point, we even had stopped trying, as I got too frustrated and didn't want to experience the pain ever again. I would feel really miserable thinking about how other people are able to enjoy sex without any problems and I would even be on the verge of crying if I saw a couple at a supermarket buying condoms. However, I'm glad I managed to calm down, I changed my attitude and it really did help. We are continuing to try it and are slowly making progress. The opening of my vulva isn't as tender as it used to be, and the first couple of inches the penis goes in without any problem and pain. At home, I also have a... well... object that is not as big or thick as a penis and I sometimes use it while masturbating. I slide it in as far as I feel comfortable and then I let it stay there for a while for my muscles to adjust.
    I don't think this is a problem of poor lubrication, as I always make sure I'm properly wet. We have also tried a lubricant, but it didn't make a big difference. I'm not dismissing the psychological factor, although I do find it rather unlikely as my boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and have a very close and happy relationship.
    I don't know if my hymen has been broken or not. There has never been any blood. I tend to think that the hymen is the problem. My boyfriend even told me that he can feel the hymen with his finger or penis and that he feels a sharp edge against his skin.
    I've seen a gynecologist about this, but I was very disappointed. She didn't seem to be taking this seriously and just brushed it off by saying this is caused by psychological problems. And she didn't even bother to look inside me! Of course, I will make another appointment at another doctor, but right now I want to hear some opinion from other women.
    Here is another problem I think is connected to my difficulties as it started only recently: I started experiencing a random, weird poking-like sensation inside my vulva. It feels like something is penetrating me, just what it feels like when my boyfriend and I are trying to have sex. It hurts slightly and there may also be a burning sensation. This only happens when I'm sitting and stops when I change position. It also occurs some days after I masturbate with the object mentioned. I am thinking maybe it's the damaged hymen tearing or stretching.
    The weirdest situation I experienced so far was as I was swimming in the pool. I clinged onto the wall of the pool and lifted my legs up the wall and then suddenly experienced that poking pain again. It felt almost as if I was penetrated by the water (I know how awkward that sounds). I put my legs down immediately. Later, as I was changing my clothes, I discovered some brownish smear on my bikini bottom. Maybe it was the hymen tearing? I don't know. To be honest, I don't even know what to think of my vulva anymore, it just feels like such an anomaly!

    What could this poking pain be? And does anyone have some advice on this topic?

  • Hey there. You definitely need to see a different (and better) doctor. Ask for recommendations from other women in your area and go with someone recommended. There are physical issues that could certainly be causing this issue. Vulvodynia is one that comes to mind. I have known people who experienced excrutiating pain as a result of it. It is treatable.

    It COULD also be the hymen, but a doctor should be able to tell you that through examination. Please find a good doctor and get it all checked out so that you can get on the road of a happy and healthy sex life.
    "Be what you're looking for."


    • Thank you for your reply. I recently learend about vulvodynia and am very scared of it, as I hear it affects the quality of life in a very negative way. I am currently trying to find a good doctor, but it seems very difficult - every one of them has good as well as bad reviews! I guess finding a professional, reliable doctor is in a way like winning the lottery.


      • True! Do you have friends, family, coworkers, or classmates in your area who you could ask for recommendations from? Vulvodynia is treatable. I have a friend who had it and it had negatively affected her sex life (and therefore, her marriage) for several years before she actually got it checked out. One procedure, and she was all better.
        "Be what you're looking for."


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