Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

personality

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • personality

    seen on different threads that people say men can't change

    however, thinking back to when husband and I first married, think both of our personalities have changed
    husband is more gentler, more patient, more quiet (my personality when we met)

    now I'm more outspoken, less likely to let anyone step on me, and somewhat less patient, not impatient, just less patient than was (husband's personality when we met)

    so do think people can change, we have

  • People do change. Usually because we want to. I think it's not common to make drastic changes, but we all change in some ways over time.

    Comment


    • Its not that men cannot change, its that they usually don't. macon talked about cratering in a major way, even several times before they change. I can agree with that. I also think that prison can change men as can being in the shooting end of a war. That being said, men do change slowly and by small degrees. As far as your husband, amy40, he may not have changed so much as he took on a different role as you changed. If you get to some point in your life where you cannot be the vocal one in the family, I suspect he will take that role on again.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

      Comment


      • Originally posted by jns View Post
        As far as your husband, amy40, he may not have changed so much as he took on a different role as you changed.
        I don't know......he just seems more like I used to be


        Comment


        • I definitely think men soften a bit as they age, depending on the topic, and their own basic character.

          Comment


          • Is growth change? It seems it would qualify.

            Men don't have any less capacity to learn, adapt, mature, or grow in their personalities than women. I've known plenty that have, including myself. Unless there's some catastrophic incident that occurs, neither men nor women completely lose themselves and become a different person.

            I don't get the concept of men not changing. It doesn't match my experience or observations.
            "Those sowing seed with tears
            Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

            Comment


            • Well, I think it's something we sometimes say in frustration. When people don't change in the way we want them to, we say they can't.

              Its an incorrect generalization as with most generalizations.

              Comment


              • My comments are from decades of observation. I've seen patterns that were apparent to me when male friends were in their twenties that are still very much there in their fifties. Frustration is not a factor. It's like putting veneer on rock. The added layers of veneer can change slightly over time, but when great stress is applied, the veneer comes off and the character of the rock is revealed once again.
                I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                ...
                Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                Comment


                • Originally posted by jns View Post
                  I've seen patterns that were apparent to me when male friends were in their twenties that are still very much there in their fifties. .
                  Interesting! Not case with my husband, however. He once told me that I would not have liked him at all, had we met while we were in college.

                  Comment


                  • jns, I honestly don't see what you're saying as completely wrong. I think you're talking about a person's personality, right? The only way someone loses who they are entirely is with some kind of traumatic brain injury. That's a good thing, I think. But it's human, not male or female, right?

                    Still, if there are aspects of ourselves we like, we can work on accentuating that part of our character. Like, if we enjoy working with people we could learn to provide some service that people need and volunteer to work with them.

                    But, if a person is an introverted loner, they could still be moved by the same need to help others, even if it's not the most natural fit for their personality. They could work on developing social skills they may not naturally have in order to do the same volunteer work as the extrovert. In fact, they could very well become better at working with others than someone more naturally gregarious through focused effort, right?

                    I surround myself with people who are working hard on training themselves and cultivating positive personality traits - men and women. A lot of these people come from backgrounds you wouldn't believe to know them today. Who they were is not lost, but they've changed. I haven't seen men any less able or desirous of doing this than women.

                    In your experience, do women change easily?
                    "Those sowing seed with tears
                    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                    Comment




                    • this isn't a personality change but since our kid came home husband leaves work an hour earlier every day, he used to work 10 hr days and now only works 9, he always said he had so much work to do and couldn't leave earlier but with kid home, he does leave an hour earlier every single day

                      what changed, not his work load, glad he does come home earlier now but also why couldn't he become less of a workaholic for me? you don't know how many times i said you're working too hard, too long, but said he had to stay
                      insert kid in lives, poof ......he's home earlier like clock work

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
                        this isn't a personality change but since our kid came home husband leaves work an hour earlier every day, he used to work 10 hr days and now only works 9, he always said he had so much work to do and couldn't leave earlier but with kid home, he does leave an hour earlier every single day

                        what changed, not his work load, glad he does come home earlier now but also why couldn't he become less of a workaholic for me? you don't know how many times i said you're working too hard, too long, but said he had to stay
                        insert kid in lives, poof ......he's home earlier like clock work
                        If he worked 11 hour days or 12 hour days, he would probably still would have more work than he could complete. It took him wanting to be a part of his child's life to see that. Maybe he thought that you, as an adult, would understand the pressure he was getting to put in more hours. It is also more acceptable to the boss to refuse to work extra hours if you have a child you have to be with. Refusing extra hours could limit advancement opportunities. Companies tell you a wage based on an 8 hour day and then try to get many more hours out of you thus reducing your hourly wage. I find that dishonest.
                        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                        ...
                        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                          In your experience, do women change easily?
                          I've seen women change to try to follow their guys personality. I've seen them reject friends and family to do this. It isn't that they change easily, but they do change. Sometimes they grow and change enough to determine that their relationship is toxic. Sometimes they change and even though the guy is the same as he always was, the relationship splits up.

                          A few years ago my coworker and friend went through divorce. He told me his ex complained that she expected him to change and when he didn't, she couldn't continue. It was unfortunate for him and the children. Shortly thereafter he retired early and left the area.

                          I think a lot of women would be better served by considering if they would want to be in the relationship if their guy did not change. If they did that, they would cut to the chase and make a better decision, IMO.
                          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                          ...
                          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                          Comment


                          • I think we live in a society that caters to men and doesn't require them to change as much as women. How many women do you know who have had to change so much about themselves for their man. Now think how many men you know who have changed as much for their women? Society tends to accept most of men's personality traits that fit a certain definition of masculinity and those that don't are labeled gay. Whereas women are taught to adhere to a certain standard of femininity that tells them to talk softly, not be so aggressive, etc. Also, women changing for their men is completely acceptable while the reserve is seen as being wiped or less of a man.

                            Men and women really aren't that different (there was a recent NPR article on this). It is how we as a society view the sexes that makes the most difference.
                            Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by DreamP346 View Post
                              I think we live in a society that caters to men and doesn't require them to change as much as women. How many women do you know who have had to change so much about themselves for their man. Now think how many men you know who have changed as much for their women? Society tends to accept most of men's personality traits that fit a certain definition of masculinity and those that don't are labeled gay. Whereas women are taught to adhere to a certain standard of femininity that tells them to talk softly, not be so aggressive, etc. Also, women changing for their men is completely acceptable while the reserve is seen as being wiped or less of a man.

                              Men and women really aren't that different (there was a recent NPR article on this). It is how we as a society view the sexes that makes the most difference.
                              I can agree on this. Those pesky hormones such as testosterone and estrogen do make a difference. It isn't just our society, though. Many societies around the world are very similar. There are a few women dominated societies. I wonder how those societies work. Are the men just drones for reproduction?
                              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                              ...
                              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                              Comment

                              Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                              Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                              Latest Posts in Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Latest Topics in Our Forums

                              Collapse

                              Working...
                              X