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Confused

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  • Confused

    Hi,

    I'm new to the forum. I'm 22 and I came out of a 6-year relationship about 6 months ago. Basically, ever since I lost my virginity (to my ex) I've had terrible pain during penetration, which I assume to be caused by vaginismus. It got so bad that we stopped trying to have penetrative sex and resorted to other methods (luckily he was very understanding). Since the split I've been trying to get some of my body confidence back (as I'd put some weight on during the relationship), before I start thinking about another relationship, but I had a one-night stand a couple of months ago. I was able to have penetrative sex with him (for the first time in years) but it still hurt quite a bit.

    Anyway (sorry for the essay), what I'm basically asking for is some advice...because I'd completely put penetration to the back of my mind for pretty much the last 6 years, I felt like a virgin when it came to having sex with him! Now I've managed it once, I think I'd be able to get over the pain eventually, but what the ******** am I supposed to expect when someone's about to penetrate me?! Because my ex and I were young and both virgins when we met, I would of course have to 'guide' him in...I'm assuming most guys don't need the help?! And I'm really nervous about doing positions like doggy, of which I have absolutely no experience.

    I feel like an idiot saying all this as I was in a sexually active relationship for 6 years...I just wish we'd tried a bit harder to overcome the obstacle then instead of feeling like I have no idea what I'm doing now!

    If anyone has any advice which might help I'd really appreciate it. Thanks

  • The first thing I'd suggest is if you're having pain during sex and you think it's a vaginal infection, see a doctor. They would be able to put you on antibiotics and clear up any infection you have which could eliminate the pain all together. If you do have an infection you also don't want it to get worse and spread to other parts of your body.

    On another note- I always guide my man inside. That is not abnormal. I think many women do that because it's easier and it's not necessarily about the guy "needing help" with it. It's just natural.

    The only way to learn something new is to try it, but my suggestion would be to do it with someone you know and trust. It's always easier when you're comfortable with the person you're trying new things with, Be sure to use reliable forms of birth control and protection against STD's if you plan to have sex or one night stands.

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