Women’s Health Interactive Forums

  • If this is your first visit, be sure to check out the FAQ by clicking the link above. You may have to register before you can post: click the register link above to proceed. To start viewing messages, select the forum that you want to visit from the selection below.

Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Please Help - at wits end!

Collapse
X
Collapse
  • Filter
  • Time
Clear All
new posts

  • Dave,

    There are some positive things there..

    You've just bought a new car, and a new home..

    Maybe when you know when settlement actually is and your no longer in some rental accomodation, you can move your furniture and stuff in, make it 'your new home' maybe things will look up more...It's a transition as well that you are both in.

    Why not , take her to Normanville or Victor Harbour for the weekend, go and see the pengiuns, have lunch in the pub, book a hotel....get away...

    CW
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • Up there for thinking down there for dancing...
      More valuable suggestions and yet another perspective which makes things not look so doom and gloomish.

      Thanks CW :-)))


      Cheers

      Dave

      Comment


      • Originally posted by pretzel View Post
        Dave,

        I'm a guy also and my story is exactly like yours and I wrote it over a year ago and trust me you won't be attacked (mods are great at controlling it) and believe me when I say it, there will responses (and you can do a search for similar topics also) that will really help in dealing with this.

        Also, it never hurts to stay and talk here. And I've been here for a good while.
        Yes you have and we love you and you are very valued here.

        Comment


        • Reading more of this, I really encourage you to get The Wisdom of Menopause. She addresses the the very powerful effect of unresolved emotional issues. Many times our emotional baggage comes through our bodies.

          PTSS is no fun either. Are you taking plenty of Omega3 s?
          CWs idea for a get away, just having some fun, is a good one. If you do it I hope she will relax some and get into the spirit.

          Comment


          • Coming back into the fray,

            One thing I know I was guilty of was trying to force feed my wife into doing what I wanted her to do in trying to deal with her perimenopausal symptoms. Like you, I read tons of articles and tried to analyze everything to offer my "suggestions" as to what would be best for her. Bad move on my part. It took a while to realize that she knew that she wasn't the person she used to be but resented my "playing doctor" for her. I ended up allowing her the room she needed. Now granted my life still sucks, but her symptoms have become less severe and are now more manageable. It took a while (and many posts here) to realize that my enthusiam to regain our old lives back in one fell swoop were actually counterproductive and I was actually creating more stress which was making her symptoms worse. By stepping back I'm not walking on the egg shells and for the most part neither is she.

            There are so many stressors that she is dealing with right now. Her family dynamics and sense of abandonment, the strained relationship with her ex and her kids, the going forward with the new house and temporary living arrangements, her own physical and emotional imbalances due to her changing hormones, etc. that I can understand why things are at a low point for her. The question and key may lie in where you can eliminate the short term stressors like the house situation, where can you help in the intermediate stressors like helping her through the grieving process with her mother and rebuilding a stronger relationship with her kids and lastly letting her concentrate on working through the process of going through menopause with an attentive ear and understanding voice.

            Comment


            • Hi pretzel, CW, wildchild and others,

              Regrettably taking time out for a week is a no go. I'm flexible - being my own boss the majority of my time is my own. However my SO is an employee and has just returned from six weeks leave. We didn't go anywhere because of the house BS and also her daughter visited from New Zealand with her toddler and partner in tow.

              Which was nice having them here but stressful for my SO.

              As it is, my SO doesn't need to work, we can live comfortably on what I make. However were we have moved to, now means it's no longer a 5 min drive to work but 2 hours drive each day. The reason why she has a new car. Back in 2007 we took 12 months off and lived on the Mornington Peninsula. Though six months into it she got herself a job - my SO tends to get bored easily or finds it hard to relax (totally).

              The other night, I cooked dinner - I cooked last night too and in the course of that I asked her if there was anything she'd like to chat about. Of course I got the usual paranoid questions in reply. Always questions in response to questions, resolving to my SO asking if I have something to confess - you gotta luv her.

              Out of all of this, including the much appreciated advice and input from you all on the forum, I've decided to try and get us into some counselling. Not to address the menopause issues but to help us connect again. It's easier to listen to someone else saying I think you could try this or that, than me trying to say it because I'm too emotionally involved.

              Right now there are no boundaries in our interpersonal interactions. Coupled with the fact we spend most of our time in different rooms, all this manifests itself into, in essence, a communication break-down. What I believe would be beneficial for us right now is to learn how to re-connect with each other.

              Of course baby steps are the order the day and a realisation that it may take a bit of time to get this to gel. But to me that's ok and I hope my SO feels the same way. So I'm going to approach the topic when I feel she can deal with it but not leave it to a point where it just sits on the back burner again.

              I kinda see this step along the lines of, if nothing changes nothing changes. And if you do nothing your part of the problem and not part of the solution to fix it - if it's fixable which I think it is.

              Again I'd like to thank everyone for their input and time given to help me through this crisis. I'll keep everyone posted on our progress.


              Cheers



              Dave
              Last edited by aussie-g; 03-03-2011, 01:33 AM.

              Comment


              • If you don't give 100% then you never tried.

                You seem to me to be very intelligent approaching this in a sensible and rational way, good for you Dave.

                2hr drive there and back to work daily is going to suck you know that don't you

                Maybe see if you can go for a drive somewhere different, Saturday or Sunday and just enjoy.

                Best wishes to you, thanks for the up-date.

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • Dave I wish you the best with this. Counseling sounds like a good idea, keep in mind that they aren't all equal. There are some really good counselors, there are some really bad ones and some very medicore ones. Do interveiw some, get some recomendations and if you don't like how one is interacting with the two of you don't be afraid to find another.

                  I hope that your SO will come to recognize the need to make changes and meet you half way in this.
                  Last edited by WildChild; 03-03-2011, 10:20 AM. Reason: darned dyslexia

                  Comment


                  • I'd be very cautious in suggesting the counseling route though. There is an inherent impression that "there's something wrong with me" connotation in suggesting counseling. This may actually cause more problems.

                    If the first goal is to re-connect I think that could be addressed without counseling. Think back to the those things that both of you enjoyed doing together and what it is that strengthened and allowed the relationship to flourish in the past and try to re-ignite the passion that way. It may be a more comfortable approach for her to get her refocused back to you.

                    Comment

                    Womens Health orange logoGet The Newsletter

                    Receive our passionately crafted, medically reviewed articles and insights — the stuff nobody else talks about but you want to know — delivered right to your inbox.

                    Latest Posts in Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    • Birth Control / Migraines, etc.

                      Hi Guys!


                      Wondering if I can get some advice here. I was on Yasmin for years and about a year ago switched to Lo Loestrin because my...

                      Today, 09:59 AM By lp84
                    • Any remedy to kill cramps during periods?

                      I’m 22 years old, and my cramps have always been very bad to the point that I throw up and miss school or practice. Is something wrong with me, because...

                      Today, 05:40 AM By jehand
                    • Superfetation

                      Is it possible to conceive again while already pregnant? Check out superfetation. Wikipedia has information about a 2017 case.

                      Yesterday, 01:11 AM By jns
                    • Reply to ***Ladies reaction to men at a nude beach/pool***

                      The term “business process” is used to describe the organization and structure of interrelated actions of company employees with the only purpose...

                      07-20-2019, 01:51 AM By driiols
                    • Reply to Female pubic hair and sexuality

                      Last night I didn't notice my g/f hadn't shaved in a while. I wouldn't have noticed if she hadn't of brought it to my attention.

                      07-19-2019, 06:42 PM By WaveRider

                    Latest Topics in Our Forums

                    Collapse

                    • Birth Control / Migraines, etc.

                      Hi Guys!


                      Wondering if I can get some advice here. I was on Yasmin for years and about a year ago switched to Lo Loestrin because my...

                      Today, 09:59 AM By lp84
                    • Any remedy to kill cramps during periods?

                      I’m 22 years old, and my cramps have always been very bad to the point that I throw up and miss school or practice. Is something wrong with me, because...

                      Today, 05:40 AM By jehand
                    • Superfetation

                      Is it possible to conceive again while already pregnant? Check out superfetation. Wikipedia has information about a 2017 case.

                      Yesterday, 01:11 AM By jns
                    • Introduction

                      Hello Everyone!
                      I am new to this forum.

                      06-27-2019, 04:40 AM By linakhonde
                    • motivation

                      can't find the "motivation" post of mine so assuming it was started in past year & gone with rest of my last year posts that vanished mysteriously...

                      07-13-2019, 11:32 AM By amy40
                    Working...
                    X