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So Many Issues

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  • So Many Issues

    I have been acessed by a lot of different mental health professionals. Some have told me that I have Asperger's, because of social withdrawl and obsessive compulsive habits. Others have told me I have bipolar, because of false beliefs I once had. I have a lot of different quirks, though, and some fit in with bipolar/Asperger's, yet others don't. So I'm wondering if it's not something completely different, since these mental health professionals also changed their mind about the bipolar/Asperger's.

    For instance, when I'm out in public, it takes me awhile to build up the courage to walk to a front desk to get change, or go to the bathroom, because I'm either afraid of being yelled at or made fun of. And I would never come right out and say, "I'm going to the bathroom. I'll be right back", even though I know everyone has to use the bathroom at some point. I've fallen off couches onto glass tables, cracking my collarbone, because I was worried about how close my friend was getting, as she sat next to me on the couch. I've peed my pants on a friend of my mom's couch, because I didn't want to excuse myself to go to the bathroom infront of her sons.

    I find, I'm completely out of it and don't feel like myself, and my whole body is in pain, when I get up early, shower, put on make-up and go to work for five hours. And I don't like that feeling so much that, I often quit jobs after only a week. When I don't get enough sleep, my eyes hurt and I get so depressed, and unmotivated to the point where, it takes me about a half hour to seriously consider getting off the couch, before I can finally bring myself to do it. I also don't like to socialize, because I force myself to smile around people and come home with insanely sore cheek bones, because of it.

    Sometimes, when I get excited, I imagine a stick figure dancing around on a tight rope, and holding onto it to flip over it. And I rub my fingers together and wiggle my toes also, when I'm overly excited, while I'm imagining the show this stick figure in my head is putting on. I do a lot of impulsive things that nobody else would probably even considering doing. I have to do yoga every second day, and sing on the days I don't do yoga for exactly an hour and a half. I have to stir my coffee or tea eight times. I don't like the heat on when I'm doing yoga or when I'm in the shower, because I feel like it's drying out my skin in the shower, or it's making it harder to move my feet or keep them in the same position during yoga. I also don't like the windows open while I'm exercising/showering. Yeah, I'm just a basket case, lol! What could all of this be, or do I really suffer from a lot of different disorders?

  • I would keep up the Yoga if it helps you feel good. Try meditation as it will help quiet your mind. As for a job that fits your needs - maybe one that fits your lifestyle is best - Yogo instructor perhaps? What makes you feel balanced and centered?

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    • I think, I'd even have trouble being a yoga instructor, because of having to be social and get up early. Plus, I'm not that great at yoga, that I could be an instructor. I've also been told that, all the things that make me feel productive/happy/centered, as far as careers go, aren't "realistic", like a writer, singer, drummer, nail tech, actress...

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      • Nail tech's can make a decent living - and in todays internet blogging sensation many company's hire bloggers in certain industry's. some times we just have to let our creativity flow to find our way

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        • holy smokes, dear! Fraid I have no worthwhile advice or insights, but would like to offer a virtual hug an a shoulder.
          P

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          • Thanks p3375 And I've tried to become a nail tech around where I live, Joy, but all the nail salons are run by tightly woven, Asian cliches. I asked if they were hiring at the two places closest to my home, and they said 'no'. I don't drive, so that makes it very difficult to get around the city, especially once I get my son back; I would rather be, at least, a part-time mother to him than have a daycare raise him. I've tried Blogit.com years ago, but didn't make very much, 'cause you get paid in pennies, so you have to be really, really dedicated and, although I wrote a lot for them, it still wasn't enough to make a decent living. I'm volunteering, now, and I love the feeling of getting paid with food rather than money, but that still doesn't solve the "getting paid enough to eventually live on my own" issue. I even feel like I'll quit volunteering in time, as well, and that kind of bothers me, because how can a person ever feel like they belong in a set social atmosphere, if their mind is always making them leave it behind? Is that from moving around, maybe? I've moved eleven times in eighteen years, after all...

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            • it actually does sound a lot like you have facets of aspergers, my boyfriend has that as well as a whole host of other problems.
              diagnosis are often wrong and you generally have to go through a few of them before they get the right one.
              have you tried meds? they've been a godsend for my boyfriend
              actually for me as well since im bipolar.
              also CBT could be good for you
              maybe see if you can get referred?
              x
              'so why care for these petty obsessions? your designer heart still beats with common blood. and what if you could have genetic perfection? would you change who you are if you could?'

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