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hello help please.

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  • hello help please.

    I really need help. I think I have angry issues and maybe my boyfriend does to. everytime he does something wrong and I point it out to him he just gets mad and walks away. and then I get extremely mad and start throwing stuff around the room and acting like a lil kid. I'm 23. things get so out of control I tell him I'm leaving him and I dont want to do this anymore. when its not true. I love him but lately everyday we have a fight. and im not sure if i;ve ever built the trust back from when we first got together because he was talking to his ex behind my back and im starting to wonder if thats why I get so angry cuz Im still upset about it. even though I know he would never cheat on me or leave me. please any advice or help would be great I dont want to lose him because I cant control my angry.

  • Go see a therapist and figure out why and how to get a handle on it. If anything that behavior right there, throwing things, etc., is going to drive him right out the door.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by LanaBear View Post
      Go see a therapist and figure out why and how to get a handle on it. If anything that behavior right there, throwing things, etc., is going to drive him right out the door.
      Thank u. I want to go get help but I have no insurance so I'm going to try to find a free client. I feel like he already wants to leave even though he says he doesn't.

      Comment


      • Anger, isn't something usually that switches itself on at 23.. You have to delve into your past and ascertain what used to set you off, what were you angry about, was it never being able to do anything, always being told what to do for-instance and here, now, when you speak, your being shut off again and so you retaliate to the point you start throwing things...

        Until you let go of what ever it was in the past and recognise what that was, your not going to stop..

        If you can establish what upset you alot in your childhood, and forgive in understanding of why that occurred, then you can let go of the anger and start to "communicate" instead.

        You can't act like a Mother to your boyfriend either, telling him off everytime he does "something wrong".. You are his girlfriend... Off course his reaction is "defense".. That way he doesn't have to explain and you don't like that because you don't get, "yeah, sorry" instead, so you get mad...

        Instead of telling him off, "ask", "hon, that bothered me, I think because of... why did you do that?" in a calming way...

        You'll find that will work alot better. Let him answer, if he's short on it, then say, "if you don't mind, I just need to understand, just explain it to me".. It may not work immediately, if he shuts off the answer, then say " ok, we'll talk about it later, no big deal I just need to understand" and WALK AWAY... so you can calm down. Then try again a bit later when you've calmed... until eventually both of you start to "talk"...

        Again, past is past.. You can not live your life today in the past, what ever happened then happened, you have to let go, including that he spoke to his ex behind your back, because he probably didn't feel he could tell you, through fear you would think he was cheating when all he was doing was finding the closure on that relationship... That closure always comes from when a person is happier with someone else, no arguements, good communication...

        CW
        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

        Comment


        • Thank you for the advice. I believe in my past it was my father. my father was very mean to my mom and my brother and I both watched it. After they devorced my brother treated me the same as my dad treated my mom. verbal and physical abuse. my dad wasnt around much after that and I dont think I ever really learned to deal with it and communication in my family life has never really been there. I'm starting to have a better relationship with my mom. Im about to graduate cosmo school and its the only thing I've ever wanted. My dad will be attending and I think lately facing him has made me a little crazy. I talked to my boyfriend last night a little about whats been bothering me and told him I'm very sorry for how I've been acting. He told me he loves me and he doesnt want any other girl just me but I have to stop pushing him away and believe him. I'm going to work on that. Just like you said the past is the past and I need to let go or else I will end up losing the only man thats ever loved me. Its going to have to be day by day but this is really helping being able to write about my feelings instead of taking them out of everyone else. Its good to know I can find support on this website.

          Comment


          • Hi sweet, I imagine that you got angry seeing that, then going through it yourself, and hurt.

            From what you are saying, you have to be the stronger person and realise you are your own person, your angry at them..

            It's good that your slowly obtaining a better relationship with your Mum, your 23, it's a good age... Maybe start speaking to her about it all, you know it hurt her too and together it may make you bond more... You may feel that she abandoned you through all of that, when she may have struggled immensely just getting through it all, she may have felt guilty that you saw it all.. You may be suprised...at what comes out of all of this...

            Congrats on the cosmo school. that's great

            I think you need to maybe also have some closure with your Father, let him know you felt, how your brother took over from there and maybe, "forgive him" but let him know you will not forget..

            It's not healthy to hold on to pain...

            People don't have a problem "helping someone" with past pain sweet, if they know of it, but they do have a problem when there is no trust, no belief in that relationship, off course...

            Trust in him, believe in him, he may be the one you spend the rest of your life with and he may not... What's important is that we grow together, and grow in general and are happy...

            Use your thread to share your thoughts, feeling, writing is good.. it vents your anger and you can see it and understand it better than verbally taking it out on someone

            CW
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • thank you. I've been planning on talking to my father so hopefully that works. Matt and I got into a big fight the other night it almost ruined our relationship in fact I think he does want to leave me. He broke down crying and told me how un happy he is. I want to fix this because when we first met I made him so happy and he was in love. Im starting to feel like he wants out. I need help figuring out how to bring the spark back into his eyes......

              Comment


              • Have you spoken to him yet sweet?

                You know you have to resolve your fears, anger first before you can be happy.. Your man cried when saying "enough"..

                Get it all of your chest but refrain with your man, that's the way you can make this work..

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment

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