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Am I losing my mind?

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  • Am I losing my mind?

    For many months now I constantly hear voices that tell me to kill whoever I am with. Then I see a vision of myself killing that person, showing me exactly how to do it. Whenever this happens, it scares me a lot and upsets me so much that I have to stop whatever I'm doing and try to calm myself down. It's very vivid, and very tramuatizing to say the least.
    I admit that I get into a lot more fights than the average person does, but that is because I live in a bad neighborhood. I am not aggressive or violent at all, I'm actually very shy and mind my own business. But I cannot keep living with this, I know this isn't right and I want it to stop. But like I've said in my earlier post, whenever I tell my doctor and/or pshychiatrist about these audio and visual hallucinations, they brush it off, don't believe me, and say that I'm making it all up.
    Does anyone have any idea of what I should do? I'm willing to do just about anything at this point to make them go away, but I don't have a clue where to start.

  • It sounds like it could be some form of schizophrenia. Have they done an MRI or PET brain scan?

    Comment


    • Yes, they have done both of those, as well as some CAT scans. Numerous doctors said that it was not schizophrenia, but didn't give a disagnosis.

      Comment


      • i'm so sorry you are having to deal with this

        you need to keep pushing your doctor and insist that something be done about it. maybe even consider booking yourself into a mental health facility where you can be open and honest and recieve the help you need

        good luck to you i hope you manage to sort this out

        Comment


        • Inura,

          Dreams actually don't necessarily mean what you see, it can actually mean for instance in your stance, fear...

          I used to run and run and run, jump fenses people were chasing me, I was hiding....The interpretation was stress of finances.

          So, given you are not diagnosed, what are you running from, what do you fear?

          Try a hypnotherapist to bring out this fear because what ever it is that happened to you, you see death, maybe it is you wanting to do that to someone, maybe it is you fearing someone wanting to do do it to you, either way your brain will not remember,because it doesn't want to...

          Given your suggesting you can sleep well, there is no pattern there, this is the road I believe you need to take.

          Our minds are so powerful, so powerful, including hiding things that have hurt/scared us so much we don't want to remember yet, our dreams try to bring them out.

          CW
          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

          Comment


          • Thank you karennicholls, I will continue to press my doctors, its just hard to keep up hope when I've been pressing them for months, and they don't care at all. I'm afraid that they will be less inclined to help me if they think that I am annoying them by constantly bringing this up, but if you think that I should, then I will. I was forced into a mental health facility before, and it was a horrible experience. I will not go into everything, but the doctors did not help me at all, and I was worse when I left than when I entered. It had huge negative effects on my school and work. I will not back.

            Chandlers Wish, I think you may have mis-read what I wrote, and that might be my mistake for not being clear. These are not dreams that I have, but actual audio and visual hallucinations when I'm wide awake. I will be talking to someone, and I see myself killing them right in front of my eyes. I see them all the time when I'm at work or school. It's really horrible to see. I guess I fear a lot of things, but I don't think in any paranoid way. I'm scared of my financial situation, my physical and mental health, my grades at school, my performance at work, finding friends and love, finding a good career. I am not fearful of a physical thing in my life, like a person, if that is what you are asking. Oh, and I do not sleep well at all, I have insomnia. Just to clear that up so you and I are on the same page.

            Comment


            • The only person that can help with true hallucinations is a doctor. And doctors are very careful who they diagnose when it comes to hallucinations. I am not saying you are doing this but many patients will make up things to try and make their symptoms appear to be something they are not, like schizophrenia. This explains why doctors will be very cautious in even bringing up hallucinations if the conversation between you and the doctor does not fit the diagnostic criteria. These doctors are very very good at picking up on which symptoms belong together, they will do tests to confirm a diagnosis as well. True hallucinations are rare. True voices in the head are rare. This is why the doctors will not jump to a diagnosis right away. These things take time to confirm and you very well may have something abnormal in your psychological function...something like depression and stress can cause a lot of things as well. But this does not mean you should avoid doctors, absolutely go talk to one and keep talking. If your psychiatrist won't listen go back to your GP and ask for a referral to a new one, or even a psychologist. The psychologist will not prescribe any medication, they are talk therapy doctors and can find ways to diagnose you and if a referral is needed from there they can do that for you.

              I will be talking to someone, and I see myself killing them right in front of my eyes.
              Though scary this is not a hallucination. This is simply imagination (of all kids of emotions can be involved), also known as imagery. It gets difficult separating true hallucinations and imagination because hallucinations are still a very vivid image. But hallucinations do not involve conscious control, you do not start thinking of something like what is involved in imagery.
              There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

              Comment


              • I admit that I get into a lot more fights than the average person does, but that is because I live in a bad neighborhood.
                CW

                So, given you are not diagnosed, what are you running from, what do you fear?

                Try a hypnotherapist to bring out this fear because what ever it is that happened to you, you see death, maybe it is you wanting to do that to someone, maybe it is you fearing someone wanting to do do it to you, either way your brain will not remember,because it doesn't want to...

                I'm scared of my financial situation, my physical and mental health, my grades at school, my performance at work, finding friends and love, finding a good career. I am not fearful of a physical thing in my life, like a person, if that is what you are asking.
                So you have a whole lot of stress going on in your life, finances are not good, grades are not good, work performance is not good, physical health is not good, friendships is not good, love is not good, nothing is good..


                but actual audio and visual hallucinations when I'm wide awake. I will be talking to someone, and I see myself killing them right in front of my eyes.
                Did you google that diagnosis? Sounds to me that you are so upset with the World, in-undated with negatives, feel so down and out, nothing is working right, nothing is worth living for you want to kill someone....

                It'saSecret is correct, Doctors, Physcologists aren't diagnosing this, because it is not what is occuring, it's anger and you don't want to harm yourself, rather everyone else because you are in pain, suffering over anxiety, life, depression.

                But I still maintain something has happened in your life - fear - you are tough you stand up for yourself, fight if you have to, don't have friends, un-loved maybe at home to what you really wanted, wanting love and friends, badly and wanting to go somewhere in life but it's not happening.

                You need councelling to find out what you are upset in life over, why you can't move on from your past.

                You need the doctor to address "anger" with life, that you don't recognise to make you feel more at peace in my opinion.

                And you need self motivation to believe in yourself, because without that, you are stopping that love, those friends, the passions, motivations in life...

                That is a lot to do...

                Start with healing the past.... hense comment, hypnotherapist to find that if you can't...

                CW
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment




                • Inura,

                  As others have said you need to see a Dr. And if the Dr's you have now aren't listening, seek out another and another until you find one that will Listen and try to help.

                  I was forced into a mental health facility before, and it was a horrible experience.
                  When you were in the Mental Hospital, what was the diagnosis that you were put in for ? And when you were released was there any Diagnosis ? I'm not asking the whole Story, just the determination that put you there.

                  Are you on any meds ? if so what kinds ? My brother Ken has been on many different Meds, he is diagnosed as Skitzo Effective., basically meaning that certain things, sights,memories can flip him into the " Other Personality ".

                  When Ken was at some of his Worst times, he also heard Voices and actually acted out conversations with the voices. Without his noticing it. Also he would detail his " visions" after the fact, when he was back to "himself".

                  Hallucinations are Real to the people having them,unlike dreams where they are the subconscious trying to ratify and express and sort out the fears and stresses of the day.

                  Try to take notes after you have a " spell ", What were you thinking just before ? Were you feeling Stress, Anger, Fear ?

                  Keep a Diary of what goes on, The Killing people part is what concerns me. Are they people you like , friends, family ? Or are they Strangers that you see or know that do things you feel is wrong ?

                  You say you live in a Bad Neighborhood and you are not a Fighter but you end up in alot of Fights. You are shy and mind your own business, so I ask how you get into these fights ?

                  Is there a way to move from that Neighborhood, go live with someone else, relatives friends ( don't know your age ). Sometimes just changing the location and surroundings can help you. You may have a deep seeded " Morality" of what is Right and Wrong and being a Peaceful person in the heart, seeing things that you know is wrong or against your beliefs, you may Fantasize being the " Super Hero or Vigilantist "

                  It is kind of Taking yourself out of your own body, becoming the one who is not shy and just acting out what you would do or feel should happen to these people doing Wrong.

                  Yes it can be terrifying that you find you have a Hate and Violence in you that in your " other mind " you can or would just Kill someone. This being fearsome to you is a good thing, it means you recognize that it is Not the true YOU..
                  but if you can think of it as the Good Angel and Bad Angel ( like in Cartoons)
                  Fighting over the decisions you must make in a situation.

                  The fact that you recognize you have a problem, it scares you and you want it to stop so you can live in peace, is an AWESOME step,...One that many are unwilling to take. And many are just unable to control and act out the Hallucination/ Fantasy/ Vision.

                  You have the Power to change your life, you have taken steps by coming here, by seeing Dr's, You just may have a longer and more Winding Stairway to climb, then others.
                  Don't Give up,Don't turn back, just keep Climbing , take your time and you will reach the Last Stair that will bring you to the Door of Fresh Air of Freedom and Peace.








                  Comment


                  • Thank you everybody for replying, I truly appreciate it.

                    Itsasecret, thank you for the information about how doctors disagnose illnesses. I will go back to my primary doctor for a referral for another pshychiatrist. I have also seen many pyschologists also btw. ChandlersWish, thank you for your opinions on my situation. I will try to find a hypnotherapist in my area.

                    BabyGirl, my parents forced me into the mental health facility because they told the doctors that I was suicidal. However I wasn't, I never was. It is a complicated reason as to why my parents did that, but that is why I was forced in there. I am not on any medication. I will remember to write down what I was doing, how I felt before I have spell. Just from remembering them now, there is no pattern that I can tell. I am not feeling the same way most of the time, for example, it is random. I could be very calm or very stressed out. I could be with a co-worker or a complete stranger. I get into a lot of fights, but not from my own choosing. Long story short, there are a lot of muggings, assaults and hate crimes in my neighborhood, not exactly the most peaceful of places. I will look into trying to find another place to live, but my financial situation severly limits me. I do not have any friends or relatives nearby that I could stay with unfortuantly. I am 20, by the way. Thank you for your advice and encouragement.

                    Comment




                    • You are welcome Inura,
                      Being in a neighborhood like the one you are in can be very stressful and with all the crime , I can see you fantasizing about just taking out the scum in your neighborhood.
                      I am betting that if you do keep track of what your were doing just before a Spell, or what was happening around you, that you may find a pattern that you just don't see at this time.

                      I'm sure that most of us at least once in our lives has had Violent thoughts about someone, whether we want to admit it or not.

                      My Brother, in hindsight, I realize that he did so much better when he was in different area's of our town, The neighborhood he lived last, before he went to Jail, is a very high crime area, Drugs, Muggings and Beatings. Lot's of very low income people and a majority of them are mentally Ill or Criminals that cannot find other places to live because of their records or personal issues.

                      Please try your best to get out of the Environment you are in , I'm guessing that if you change locations to a less stressful neighborhood, that your " spells " will lessen . Also do seek some medical advice, there are meds that can help. I know when my Brother was on proper meds, his hallucinations were very rare.

                      Good Luck .



                      Comment


                      • Hello
                        I do not know how fate brought me here
                        I want to help you and I wish you healing
                        I am English and I do not know Aathdthowlkn translated messages in Arabic to Google
                        I read your suffering and registered in the forum after several attempts
                        I hope to help you that I ordered almost the same your status
                        Thank God, now I'm better than before
                        And if you d send me to private and will answer your
                        Because I am Muslim and treatment Balqguan do not know if you would like the Koran or not treatment
                        Excuse me if my writing is the concept that I wrote in Arabic and translated into English and copied it for you
                        Regards

                        Comment


                        • roro, welcome.

                          You can not private message on this Forum, nor her to you...

                          You must share your thoughts here in this thread...Private messages are reserved for long time members..

                          What is Koran? No one knows who you are, so respond here please.

                          CW
                          PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                          Comment


                          • Welcome CHANDLERS WISH

                            And will write a treatment of depression and hallucinations here
                            For the benefit of all
                            And what is your question about the Koran?
                            Of course not enough to identify a few lines of the Koran, but this definition is the youngest of the Koran, if we want to know
                            "Is the word of God eternal home upon His Messenger Muhammad, peace be upon him verbally the Arab Surat trunks of it, an act of worship,
                            Transferred to us as frequently, which is located between the covers of the Koran, which begins and ends with a chapter Fatiha Surat people "
                            The Glory of God to hear and read comfortably feel wonderful
                            Was tired of depression 5 years because I was far from my Lord and began treatment the Koran every day this see part of it
                            I want you to put a link to hear from some of the verses from the Koran
                            (edit links are not allowed) This link Asamaih do not know if you have open or not
                            And improve the peace of Smalloma wonderful when you have a thinner Tstiei not sleep because of insomnia and fear, let him Iqra and Ante Tkhaldin to sleep and will be sleeping comfortably
                            This treatment is not fantastic, but from the experience of me and I've got a lot of treatments but will put this to you and if you d tell me more hope and taking you to all the depressed recovery
                            Last edited by CHANDLERS WISH; 03-13-2011, 06:16 PM.

                            Comment


                            • I regret I do not know because I am English and my words do not known the concept or not?
                              I hope you understand because I am translating taking you
                              This is some of the verses of the Koran in order to write and I hope to read it focus
                              In the name of God the Merciful
                              {Praise be to Allah, Lord of the Worlds**Merciful**The owner of the Day of Judgement**
                              Thee do we worship and Thine aid we seek**Show us the straight path**Way, who bestowed on them**
                              Is not wrath, and who go not astray}
                              Truth of God Almighty

                              This Sura Alfateha repeating the healing after God Almighty
                              Because God said in the Koran
                              In the name of God the Merciful
                              {And We send down from the Koran, what is a healing and a mercy for believers}
                              Truth of God Almighty

                              And the Koran in Arabic, but translated so that these are lines English
                              If You d should ask me about Islam, I Ward you service to all the questions you
                              Last edited by roro1; 03-13-2011, 06:17 PM.

                              Comment

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