I'm Against Her Breast Reduction

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I'm Against Her Breast Reduction

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  • Isn't this OK: if she does the surgery (I support her in every way through it) and it helps her be the best person SHE can be, isn't it for the best whether I'm with or not with her afterward? Sometimes what's best for HER may not particularly be best for US. Isn't that OK?
    If you care about her then supporting her is going to be required, that is just how it is when it comes to relationships. You support your partner the best you can. However, if you support her through the procedure and end up leaving her later because she has smaller breasts then no it is not okay because it again would be about her breasts and not her happiness. If large breasts define what is best for the two of you, by your judgment, then she may never let go of the fact that you are so closely focused on breast size. Someone can come in and read your comment about "what's best for HER may not particularly be best for US" and think boy this guy is going to be upset without huge boobs but he does not want to sound lewd so he is going to cover up that obsession by saying it will not work between them after the procedure. You do not want that stigma attached to your breast size liking, you need to approach this as you will support her no matter what. A relationship should not be based in large part to physical size of breasts, if you two hit a bump in the road due to personality differences then that is a typical reason to end a relationship...but ending one over a procedure that could potentially be of benefit to her is not the way to go and could make her feel really down on herself.
    There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

    Comment


    • Isn't this OK: if she does the surgery (I support her in every way through it) and it helps her be the best person SHE can be, isn't it for the best whether I'm with or not with her afterward? Sometimes what's best for HER may not particularly be best for US. Isn't that OK?
      Yes, it is the best for her and she would need your support but if she felt that you would leave her, that's an ultimatum and that is not okay...You are asking her to choose and not over another man rather her body, her pain, or you and deal with the pain.

      CW
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
        Seeker is obserbing your words, not reading your mind and providing his opinion on the thoughts of that, nothing wrong with that. But, if you weren't in it for yourself, her boobs have to stay because you like them and that's a major reason, why make the above statement? So, you would gawk at larger breasted women if she has this done? You don't need to now because you are with the big chested woman that no one can have?

        See how your comments lead people to reply with such statements of opinions.

        Ask her to spend 30 days, trying a few tips that you believe helps cause her back problem such as the correct bending, shoes, the way she stands and see what difference that makes and ask her to be honest in that regard with you...

        Honestly, if it doesn't make any difference, or very little difference then stand by your decision to help her and be there for her and continue to love her...

        CW
        What gets me is how many think that if a person says one thing like because of her breasts "I won't be gawking about at another chest" means that if (the opposite) she didn't have the breasts, I would be gawking at another case. I caution younger people of making those type of broad assumptions. Just because you feel that's what it means the opposite, does not mean that's the case. It's a wrong assumption and to realize you ARE INDEED making an assumption.

        Here's the other assumption. Just because the breast reduction changes the way I would think of her does NOT mean I don't love her anymore. The love for her does not change. What changes is right now, I love her enough to marry her. Afterward, I love her exactly, but not enough to marry her. The assumption that is made that THAT love should not change. That is not true. If you think so, I disagree and I'm sorry. Do I get to love myself at some point. I believe I get to be honest with myself and say, hey, that may not be something I like. That is NOT a guarantee, but, I am honest with myself and her to let her know that. Either way, helping her and loving her through it is not my issue.

        To recap, I guess the understanding that I get here is that I'm the self-centered boob lover and I must not love her since I'm not supporting her breast reduction because afterward I guess won't love her anymore. I have gotten my answer and I am thankful for the feedback from everyone. It must be MY problem.

        Thanks all.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by ItsASecret View Post
          If you care about her then supporting her is going to be required, that is just how it is when it comes to relationships. You support your partner the best you can. However, if you support her through the procedure and end up leaving her later because she has smaller breasts then no it is not okay because it again would be about her breasts and not her happiness. If large breasts define what is best for the two of you, by your judgment, then she may never let go of the fact that you are so closely focused on breast size. Someone can come in and read your comment about "what's best for HER may not particularly be best for US" and think boy this guy is going to be upset without huge boobs but he does not want to sound lewd so he is going to cover up that obsession by saying it will not work between them after the procedure. You do not want that stigma attached to your breast size liking, you need to approach this as you will support her no matter what. A relationship should not be based in large part to physical size of breasts, if you two hit a bump in the road due to personality differences then that is a typical reason to end a relationship...but ending one over a procedure that could potentially be of benefit to her is not the way to go and could make her feel really down on herself.
          So, is that basically keep my thoughts to myself? Honesty here is NOT good?

          Comment


          • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
            Yes, it is the best for her and she would need your support but if she felt that you would leave her, that's an ultimatum and that is not okay...You are asking her to choose and not over another man rather her body, her pain, or you and deal with the pain.

            CW
            I don't believe it is an ultimatum because I'm not telling her that I'm going anywhere if she does it. I'm only telling her that there is a possibility that I may not like it and may not be something I want to live with forever. The other choice is to keep all this to myself and just let it fester I guess. I could easily disguise this as some other reason afterward. I can say any number of things later, but it wouldn't be quite honest. It will be subtle things as NOT being told you're beautiful all the time or not being touched how you've become accustomed to being touched. Things change and sure it will be blamed on other things but I feel honestly the heart of the matter could be the reduction. At the same time, it may not be an issue AT ALL.

            What I'm being honest to say now is that I think it could be with me. My answer as I said a few posts above is THAT makes me wrong I guess.

            I am thankful for the feedback. I am.

            Comment


            • So, is that basically keep my thoughts to myself? Honesty here is NOT good?
              No, honestly is good. But if you are looking for no assumptions put towards you, or your gf not thinking that your secret happiness revolves around abnormally large breasts than leaving her over a breast reduction would not be the way to go. If things honestly do not work out for personality reasons then it is a far more accepted reason for ending something if you are not happy. However the issue pops up when you make it sound like your going to be gone simply because you no longer have abnormally large breasts at your disposal.


              What changes is right now, I love her enough to marry her. Afterward, I love her exactly, but not enough to marry her. The assumption that is made that THAT love should not change. That is not true. If you think so, I disagree and I'm sorry.
              When someone reads this they are going to read it as "I like big boobs, I will not marry her if she does not have those same big boobs", which is by all means a statement and assumption of a pure self-centered big boob lover. You are the one that will need to explain your feelings towards no longer loving her enough to marry her, we readers cannot do that and you would have to explain to your gf why you may not love her enough to marry her if she does go through with this procedure. Only you can explain it. And if you are going to be brutally honest and make it about the size equating your love to marry her then so be it, you will be a big boob guy, but an honest big boob guy. Though it will still come across to society as a pretty low blow simply due to the vanity aspect, which society is not going to change...it is brutally honest as well.
              There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

              Comment


              • She's got the perfect boobs and I'm NOT ashamed of saying I want EXACTLY what she has. You won't see me gawking at anyone else's chest because very few people have what I have.

                Let's get rid of the self absorbed part, I did by editing okay. Just be yourself and talk, but yes, do listen to the feedback ItsASecret has posted over and over to your questions, thoughts and she has some very valid comments in there that you should absorb...


                I am a great believer of do not assume.... So, understand we are going off of YOUR statements as per above..

                No one doubts or should doubt that you love her...That's a separate issue, thing...

                But I am only going to say one thing....You love the outer her, the visual......and yes, you love the inner her, the person but the one that outways the most? Is what is on the inside that is what love is....Loving a person un-conditionally.....

                Honestly? She may move on herself, she may feel more secure about her body and that may scare you....That is an assumption but it's also something that you may have already considered...In-other-words, there is no crystal ball...What will be will be.

                The only thing that matters is in the now....and loving someone un-conditionally for the inner person that they are is the key to a long term relationship for life....in my opinion....What we look like on the outside is only the attraction as to why we commenced wanting to get to know a person, once we know them inside it is that , that should matter and only matter....
                PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                Comment


                • I still believe in loving unconditionally but I don't believe that means being with someone. This fact oftentimes gets mixed up. Let me give some pointed examples. Your spouse cheats on you and you bust them with your own eyes. I believe you still love the person, but living and wanting to be with that person forever is gone. You may make the choice to leave but your love of them could still be there. Another, what if your SO becomes addicted to something that takes a toll on the family. The love remains but for their own good, you get them help and more than likely leave the situation. It could be best for the person in treatment not returning to the environment that instigated the addiction AND for you, the SO, the move on with life. You love the person by helping them AND helping yourself as well.

                  I'm simply saying the love is not gone. For sure, I will love her forever.

                  I will just admit that I must be wrong.

                  Thanks.

                  Comment


                  • Sweet,

                    Those two scenarios? Are, doing wrong against another person, affecting another person's life, thinking of yourself and not caring what the other person thinks/ feels of that situation, you go ahead with your plans in any event, on a selfish manner, you cheat, and / or drink, do drugs and don't care about the other person how that will affect, the other person.....

                    So yessum, You are doing the same thing.....

                    CW
                    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                      Sweet,

                      Those two scenarios? Are, doing wrong against another person, affecting another person's life, thinking of yourself and not caring what the other person thinks/ feels of that situation, you go ahead with your plans in any event, on a selfish manner, you cheat, and / or drink, do drugs and don't care about the other person how that will affect, the other person.....

                      So yessum, You are doing the same thing.....

                      CW
                      Add honest about it and, yep, that's me. Thanks.

                      Comment


                      • You know, the World is not perfect, and in that if you find something that is perfect in it? Then look deeper inside
                        PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                        Comment


                        • As someone who would gladly take a breast reduction to get back down to a small B I'm on her side. Large breasts are uncomfortable when exercising despite good fitting bras and when getting my horse training and barn management degree I took part in many discussions about bra brands and wearing 2 or 3 of them to prevent too much bouncing while riding. I've also pulled the muscles in front of my shoulders before my breasts got larger, while wearing a properly fitting sports bra when my barrel mare would drop in to a turn so I was still barrel racing. Then there's the fact they get in the way so much. More than occasionally I'll lean over for something or be laying in bed and have to shove my breasts in to a different position. It also seems harder to breathe even when wearing a properly fitting bra so I tend to strip them off as soon as I get home when I used to practically sleep in my sports bras. On top of that to have breasts of a size that would result in back pain which is not going to improve with age would make breast reduction a pretty obvious choice to me. You don't have to live with these things. You get to sit back and admire without the pain and inconvenience. It's her body and for all the risks of surgery this may improve her physical health and her mental well being. I'm sure she has not made the decision lightly and has had plenty of years to consider all angles. If you were my boyfriend I'd have smacked you alongside the head already for not supporting my decision. After listening to me complain for 2 years now my husband consoles my outbursts about my breasts by telling me I can get a reduction as soon as we have money irregardless of what size he would prefer they be. Then drags up pictures of average women to remind me they are not as bad as I think since I spent my life having small Bs and now I have these stupid Ds after a combination of taking lybrel and gaining weight.

                          My husband backed me up by saying you need smacked with the 34DDD boobs a few times. :P

                          Comment


                          • Originally posted by kira View Post
                            My husband backed me up by saying you need smacked with the 34DDD boobs a few times. :P
                            I have. THIS is why I'm in this predicament now.

                            I understand.

                            Comment


                            • ISTY...

                              I am just throwing this out there, don't have to answer...

                              There seems to be a need to get it right this time, have what you want, didn't have maybe? But at the same time, give as well, love as you maybe didn't before, correct past mistakes? Or, the need to make it work this time and because you in your eyes have exactly what you want, sexually, physically, visually, you want it to remain exactly that way....

                              But remember, if that makes sense, what you have is better than the 18 years married, obviously, and if we learn from past? Then, we compromise...

                              Best wishes.

                              CW
                              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
                                ISTY...

                                I am just throwing this out there, don't have to answer...

                                There seems to be a need to get it right this time, have what you want, didn't have maybe? But at the same time, give as well, love as you maybe didn't before, correct past mistakes? Or, the need to make it work this time and because you in your eyes have exactly what you want, sexually, physically, visually, you want it to remain exactly that way....

                                But remember, if that makes sense, what you have is better than the 18 years married, obviously, and if we learn from past? Then, we compromise...

                                Best wishes.

                                CW
                                I think that's inaccurate. Physically, I have similar to what I had before in this subject's arena; 36E if truth be told. Comparing the two would be an endless and unfair job. You should and I will never do that! However, I do believe too many compromises was a past issue. Any corrections that I concentrate on that need to be made are on my part. I take FULL responsibility for any and all of my actions. One fallacy that I hear and have just heard from you is the idea of someone being better than someone else and that should be the key to things being better. I learned that you can love someone but it's very difficult when that someone doesn't love themselves. So, as I just stated, I disagree, but I am honored you took the time to read my posts. I appreciate that, but, I believe that one should be out finding what is best for themselves versus what was better than last time. I take very little stock in what mine does or has now versus what mine did or had then. Also, I believe one should not spend a great deal of time fixing all of one's past mistakes (because oftentimes some were not done alone), but, I believe one should spend time correcting or improving things on one's own part that contributed to or caused the past mistakes. Salvation is self-centered. It sounds harsh.

                                Thanks CW

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