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Cheating caused commitmentl issues?

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  • Cheating caused commitmentl issues?

    Hello everyone, I wasn't quite sure where to post this question so if this is not the correct board, I apologize.

    Just in the past couple of days my girlfriend and I split up. I've been taking it rather hard the last couple days because I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with this girl and now its looking like all the thoughts and dreams for the future are a lost cause. Now before I go any further, it is important to mention that when she was younger, in her early teen years, her parents got separated because her dad cheated on her mom multiple times. She still loves her dad because after all it is her father, but she hates him for what he did to her mom... Also, when she was in high school, she dated a guy for nearly 2 years and it ended with him cheating on her and having a new girlfriend the day after the break up.

    During our relationship we had some ups and downs and broke up/got back together two or three times and she told me that is why she wanted to end the relationship, because she didn't like that aspect and it was not fair to me. I've spent 5 days now thinking about nothing but "what the heck went wrong", because this is a girl who told me she wanted to marry me and that she wouldn't give up on the relationship unless I did something unforgivable (ie cheat/lay my hands on her, etc) which I would never in a million years do. Well today I think it's all starting to make sense. I am starting to believe that she is afraid of committing to anything, in all aspects of her life this is a flaw of hers, I just didn't realize how much it all made sense until now. First off, the commitment to our relationship is the most obvious, but I can recall countless times where I would ask her what she wanted to do this or that weekend, what time she was going to "x", if she wanted to go to "x" tomorrow, etc. and the responses were always..."I dont know", "Maybe", "I'm not sure". It seemed like if I tried to plan anything out more than a day in advance, the answer was "I don't know"... Now she is confiding in me telling me that now she really doesn't want to work at the summer camp that she committed to working over 4 months ago and is trying to find a way out of it. I'm the kind of person that believes you should stick to your word no matter how much you don't want to do the action so this is all showing up pretty clearly to me.

    Could her parents divorce/her dad's cheating, and her high school relationship have made her afraid of committing to anything? I feel like it could have left the impression that "nothing good lasts forever" or something to that effect. Like I said, I'm no psychologist, but I feel like that would make sense. Any thoughts?

    Thanks in advance

  • It could be, but you might never know for certain.

    Comment


    • Now she is confiding in me telling me that now she really doesn't want to work at the summer camp that she committed to working over 4 months ago and is trying to find a way out of it. I'm the kind of person that believes you should stick to your word no matter how much you don't want to do the action so this is all showing up pretty clearly to me.

      And, it could be that she wants to make her own decisions without being judged, ie) you don't agree with that...

      Also she may not be someone who likes planned events, rather go with the flow....People are like that.

      She may just feel that there is pressure there, from you in both of the above and can't cope with that.

      CW
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • Originally posted by CHANDLERS WISH View Post
        And, it could be that she wants to make her own decisions without being judged, ie) you don't agree with that...

        Also she may not be someone who likes planned events, rather go with the flow....People are like that.

        She may just feel that there is pressure there, from you in both of the above and can't cope with that.

        CW
        That makes sense, thanks for the response. Sorry if I upset you.

        Comment


        • It's hard to say what her reason was, but absolutely she could be afraid of giving all her love to someone, for fear they will cheat on her. That would be her partner's job to make her feel secure in the relationship. If you want her back, you could try, but you have to be prepared that she may have had other reasons for choosing to leave.

          Comment


          • Na you didn't upset me In reading that I can see where you thought that, I was just thinking she may be a little more relaxed, independant, likes to go with the flow type person and you may be the opposite to her that's all..

            Bumping for more responses.
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment

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