Havent posted in a while... feedback,and thoughts greatly appriciated!!!!

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Havent posted in a while... feedback,and thoughts greatly appriciated!!!!

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  • Havent posted in a while... feedback,and thoughts greatly appriciated!!!!

    I just need to get some stuff off my chest...Not sure if this should be in the mental health section...but i figured it has some mental health issues in it


    Sisters boyfriend committed suicide- I feel guilty and regret saying alot of things to him and about him...the day he committed suicide, i found out that he was acting abusive toward my sister...and I remember saying "I'm gonna kill him for doing that to her!" But he already took care of that...I feel guilty because of that, i feel guilty for keeping my sister abusive relationship just between her and I...maybe If I would have told someone..he could have gotten help. The day he comitted suicide I was going to ask my sister to come up and visit me for the weekend to get away and have fun...but I forgot, and I wonder if i called her and told her to visit me...maybe he would be alive today... I remember the day he comitted suicide, I wanted to talk to him, and see how he was doing, because there must have been a reason he was acting destructive...but it slipped my mind...I wonder IF i called him...he would still be alive...I feel like its partically my fault for not saying anything to anyone, just because I promised my sister I wouldnt...Could I have saved him? could I have saved my sister, my family, and his family from all the pain of questioning why? See my goal in life is to help people and save them from doing stuff like this...But I missed him....The warning signs were there, and I missed him..And I regret everyday not making those phone calls...

    Parents possibility of getting a divorce- Before the incident above, my parents were thinking about getting a divorce, im not going to state the reason why...because I really dont want to...but My mom was talking to me on the phone, and I asked what she was doing...and she sadly stated "Drinking a 42 oz of beer" I could tell something was wrong because it was 11pm at night, and she was drinking...I asked her what was wrong and she told me...she vented to me alot of things about their relationship. Andduring the conversation she said to me...the ONLY thing thats keeping me and your father together are you guy(meaning in kids)...In my mind I was thinking if were the only reason keeping you guys together...then whats the point of them being married...i feel like thier marriage shouldnt be based on their kids.(Do i have the right to be concerned about my parents even getting a divorce...event hough since i was little they said they never would)... So that was also a bad time for me also...In result I was very angry and upset so I was drinking basically every night, and i was acting very annoyed and angry with my teammates, and I got to a point where I didnt care about the team...and they could tell something was up because I was drinking everynight, and came to practice with a hangover(NEVER DO THIS) lol

    Ohhh next thing uhmm knee surgery- Microfracture and meniscus tear... so im currently in this stage, and it sucks...im on crutches for 6 weeks, and recover can take up to 6months- a full yr...I wont know if the surgery worked for the microfracture till 6-9 months... it sucks I cant do anything and its painful..Not to mention i might have to redshirt this year in my season and miss out on going to hawaii if i dont recover...fml if i dont recover in time... feeling super anxious to get this recovery over with, and worried if the surgery didnt respond well...who knows this might even be the end of my athletic career...this sucks horribly!!!!
    "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain.In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens,but it is never gone" Rose Kennedy

  • IMO, you need to stop putting all this on your shoulders because none of it is within your control. Your sister's boyfriend made a choice. There may have been signs that he needed help, but that doesn't mean spending time with a certain person would have stopped him from making that choice. Asking all the what if questions is useless and won't do you any good. The best thing you could do is be an ear for your sister and help her through it. She might be asking the same questions herself and thinking it's somehow her fault, when he just made a selfish decision to use a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It's nice to be able to help someone when they need it, but sometimes, they need to ask, and your first responsibility should be your family's safety and happiness. If someone was hurting my sister, I wouldn't be thinking about their well being. You can't put that on yourself.

    Your parents relationship is their's to work out. It's stressful for kids dealing with the tension and change, but they're adults and need to find their way of handling it. Talking to your mom about what's going on might make her feel better, but maybe you should suggest she talk to a councilor instead. That's a lot for a daughter to digest. How old are you? I'm guessing old enough to realize people aren't perfect, but not old enough to know that's not you fault. Sometimes you can help, but you can never control the out come. My parents got divorced when I was very young. I remember it being pretty traumatic for me, but the fact that I've got so many blanks in my childhood memory tells me it was for the best. I was around 8 so I should remember quite a bit about my parents life together, but I only have a handful of moments I can recall.

    It seems like the best thing you could do for your mom, is to let her know it's ok to do what's best for her. Staying in a broken relationship for the sake of the kids, would actually be worse for everyone, IMO.

    I feel for you on the knee surgery issue. I tore my acl playing high school basketball my junior year. Saying it sucked is an understatement. The crappy part was that my injury was misdiagnosed as just a strain. I went through the whole summer not being able to move or jump like I should have, and didn't find out how bad it was till just before the next season started. High school went down hill from there. Lol. I lost my motivation and went down a pretty dark path. I'm not even sure how I graduated, but I know my first three years of high school had a lot to do with it. I had been an A student, took honors and advanced classes, and I threw that away my senior year. I started drinking and using drugs, more than recreationally. I wasn't going to my classes except occasionally. I had lots of friends and teachers and coaches trying to help me and steer me in the right direction, but somehow I got really lost... I don't like the memory of how I handled it, but I'm telling you that's not the way. I learned a lot about strength through the experience, mental and physical. You have to make yourself make the choices that you know are best for you.

    When you play sports, you're going to get hurt. It's only a question of when, not if. So, what do you do after you get hurt. The best thing is to stay strong. Pick yourself back up and work through it. It's good to keep you body strong, but you have to be mentally tough to make it through, and it can be applied to problems other than your injury. You gotta be a soldier. But don't forget there are people to lean on, and you don't have to carry everything on your shoulders.

    Comment


    • Sisters boyfriend committed suicide- I feel guilty and regret saying alot of things to him and about him...the day he committed suicide, i found out that he was acting abusive toward my sister...and I remember saying "I'm gonna kill him for doing that to her!" But he already took care of that...I feel guilty because of that, i feel guilty for keeping my sister abusive relationship just between her and I...maybe If I would have told someone..he could have gotten help. The day he comitted suicide I was going to ask my sister to come up and visit me for the weekend to get away and have fun...but I forgot, and I wonder if i called her and told her to visit me...maybe he would be alive today... I remember the day he comitted suicide, I wanted to talk to him, and see how he was doing, because there must have been a reason he was acting destructive...but it slipped my mind...I wonder IF i called him...he would still be alive...I feel like its partically my fault for not saying anything to anyone, just because I promised my sister I wouldnt...Could I have saved him? could I have saved my sister, my family, and his family from all the pain of questioning why? See my goal in life is to help people and save them from doing stuff like this...But I missed him....The warning signs were there, and I missed him..And I regret everyday not making those phone calls...
      Take a bit of the burden off yourself here because it's quite honestly, not about you at all. We ALL do things that if we could do over we may do differently. But the fact of life is that we cannot do things over so why dwell on what we didn't do? Focus now on doing what you CAN do, which is be there for your sister because #1 she has lost her boyfriend in a horrible way and #2 she is a victim of domestic violence and this sets a pattern for her to seek out other abusive relationships. Don't make it about you......because your love and attention and focus is needed elsewhere.

      Parents possibility of getting a divorce- Before the incident above, my parents were thinking about getting a divorce, im not going to state the reason why...because I really dont want to...but My mom was talking to me on the phone, and I asked what she was doing...and she sadly stated "Drinking a 42 oz of beer" I could tell something was wrong because it was 11pm at night, and she was drinking...I asked her what was wrong and she told me...she vented to me alot of things about their relationship. Andduring the conversation she said to me...the ONLY thing thats keeping me and your father together are you guy(meaning in kids)...In my mind I was thinking if were the only reason keeping you guys together...then whats the point of them being married...i feel like thier marriage shouldnt be based on their kids.(Do i have the right to be concerned about my parents even getting a divorce...event hough since i was little they said they never would)... So that was also a bad time for me also...In result I was very angry and upset so I was drinking basically every night, and i was acting very annoyed and angry with my teammates, and I got to a point where I didnt care about the team...and they could tell something was up because I was drinking everynight, and came to practice with a hangover(NEVER DO THIS) lol
      I think no matter what age you are, it's going to be difficult if your parents split up. You've only ever known them TOGETHER. Therefore it seems odd and abnormal to think of them being apart, single, dating others, introducing new people into your life. And for your parents, losing a marriage you've spent years investing into is extremely difficult, sad, confusing, stressful. If your parents indeed divorce, there will be a lot of grief for them.... but it will pass and they will heal. Do you have a right to be concerned? Absolutely. You're their daughter. You love them. You most definitely have that right. But no more than they could make a decision like that for you as an adult, you can't make it for them. Be there as a friend and a shoulder as much as you can, but don't be hard on yourself when you feel upset about it happening. That's just normal.

      As for your injury, take care of yourself VERY carefully, do your therapy, work hard at it without overdoing it and you will heal up and be back at it in no time!
      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • Thanks guys for the feedback, they are much appriciated. I understand that you guys are saying that none of this is my fault...but its always going to be in my mind everyday, and I know that I need to be for my sis in this time..but I feel like I cant be that person right now because of regrets, and just the relationship I had with him personally. Thanks for all your help... : )
        "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain.In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens,but it is never gone" Rose Kennedy

        Comment


        • Originally posted by yielded123 View Post
          I just need to get some stuff off my chest...Not sure if this should be in the mental health section...but i figured it has some mental health issues in it


          Sisters boyfriend committed suicide- I feel guilty and regret saying alot of things to him and about him...the day he committed suicide, i found out that he was acting abusive toward my sister...and I remember saying "I'm gonna kill him for doing that to her!" But he already took care of that...I feel guilty because of that, i feel guilty for keeping my sister abusive relationship just between her and I...maybe If I would have told someone..he could have gotten help. The day he comitted suicide I was going to ask my sister to come up and visit me for the weekend to get away and have fun...but I forgot, and I wonder if i called her and told her to visit me...maybe he would be alive today... I remember the day he comitted suicide, I wanted to talk to him, and see how he was doing, because there must have been a reason he was acting destructive...but it slipped my mind...I wonder IF i called him...he would still be alive...I feel like its partically my fault for not saying anything to anyone, just because I promised my sister I wouldnt...Could I have saved him? could I have saved my sister, my family, and his family from all the pain of questioning why? See my goal in life is to help people and save them from doing stuff like this...But I missed him....The warning signs were there, and I missed him..And I regret everyday not making those phone calls...

          Parents possibility of getting a divorce- Before the incident above, my parents were thinking about getting a divorce, im not going to state the reason why...because I really dont want to...but My mom was talking to me on the phone, and I asked what she was doing...and she sadly stated "Drinking a 42 oz of beer" I could tell something was wrong because it was 11pm at night, and she was drinking...I asked her what was wrong and she told me...she vented to me alot of things about their relationship. Andduring the conversation she said to me...the ONLY thing thats keeping me and your father together are you guy(meaning in kids)...In my mind I was thinking if were the only reason keeping you guys together...then whats the point of them being married...i feel like thier marriage shouldnt be based on their kids.(Do i have the right to be concerned about my parents even getting a divorce...event hough since i was little they said they never would)... So that was also a bad time for me also...In result I was very angry and upset so I was drinking basically every night, and i was acting very annoyed and angry with my teammates, and I got to a point where I didnt care about the team...and they could tell something was up because I was drinking everynight, and came to practice with a hangover(NEVER DO THIS) lol

          Ohhh next thing uhmm knee surgery- Microfracture and meniscus tear... so im currently in this stage, and it sucks...im on crutches for 6 weeks, and recover can take up to 6months- a full yr...I wont know if the surgery worked for the microfracture till 6-9 months... it sucks I cant do anything and its painful..Not to mention i might have to redshirt this year in my season and miss out on going to hawaii if i dont recover...fml if i dont recover in time... feeling super anxious to get this recovery over with, and worried if the surgery didnt respond well...who knows this might even be the end of my athletic career...this sucks horribly!!!!
          Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I was away from the internet for a week or so at the time you originally posted.

          You could not have changed things with your sister's boyfriend. It was meant to be, a few phone calls would have only delayed things at most. I had a best friend die in a head-on with a large truck the night of my first day back from college, end of sophomore year. I would have went to the party if I had not been too tired and maybe the timing would have been different or he would have stayed over or something. Instead I went to a funeral. I came to realize that it was meant to be, that I could not change fate. We all like to think we could have changed the world, but we can not. I am sorry about the situation and understand the sadness and anger created by it. Hugs. Try to accent the positives of your sister's boyfriend to her, not the negatives.

          It was unkind of your mother to put the burden of staying in a marriage on you children but I can understand her frustration. I remember hearing something similar from my mother when I was a teenager. It was at times of extreme frustration on her part due to my father punishing us kids to a degree my mother felt was too much. They were able to get past it. I believe my father yielded a bit. They are coming up on their 57th anniversary. It is hard to keep objective in such a situation, but try to be a sounding board for your mother and help her see the situation for what it really is, not with so much emotion. I hope you have quit the drinking and have been able to mend the strains on your relationships with your teammates. What sports do you compete at?

          I hope your recovery from you knee surgery is going along at the pace the doctors told you it would go. Good luck.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • Originally posted by jns View Post
            Sorry I didn't reply earlier. I was away from the internet for a week or so at the time you originally posted.

            You could not have changed things with your sister's boyfriend. It was meant to be, a few phone calls would have only delayed things at most. I had a best friend die in a head-on with a large truck the night of my first day back from college, end of sophomore year. I would have went to the party if I had not been too tired and maybe the timing would have been different or he would have stayed over or something. Instead I went to a funeral. I came to realize that it was meant to be, that I could not change fate. We all like to think we could have changed the world, but we can not. I am sorry about the situation and understand the sadness and anger created by it. Hugs. Try to accent the positives of your sister's boyfriend to her, not the negatives.

            It was unkind of your mother to put the burden of staying in a marriage on you children but I can understand her frustration. I remember hearing something similar from my mother when I was a teenager. It was at times of extreme frustration on her part due to my father punishing us kids to a degree my mother felt was too much. They were able to get past it. I believe my father yielded a bit. They are coming up on their 57th anniversary. It is hard to keep objective in such a situation, but try to be a sounding board for your mother and help her see the situation for what it really is, not with so much emotion. I hope you have quit the drinking and have been able to mend the strains on your relationships with your teammates. What sports do you compete at?

            I hope your recovery from you knee surgery is going along at the pace the doctors told you it would go. Good luck.
            Its okay, glad you wrote back I know that there is nothing I could have done, but I guess I just regret not doing or saying things to him, and the things I said before he killed himself will stay in my mind forever.
            With my parents marriage- Things have gotten somewhat better, i guess they still argue alot and stuff...but I see what your saying how it was unkind of my mother to put that on me,its something that I really dont want to hear...
            Havent tried to quit drinking in about a yr or so, not really caring about it right now, I think my relationship with my teammates have gotten better...at least I hope it has lol...I do track and field btw, so yeah...
            Recovery is going okay, still having pain and stuff with physical therapy, i wont know if the surgery was successful until about december...
            "It has been said that time heals all wounds. I do not agree. The wounds remain.In time the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens,but it is never gone" Rose Kennedy

            Comment


            • There is a reason why we "think" of doing something but we don't... Often, because it's not what was planned, we can't change it, if we could we would be God wouldn't we, not on the religious terms but playing God. What was in his mind would have come to his mind again a week, a month later, there was nothing absolutely nothing you could have done... It is sad when people do this, but now he is at peace with himself and your sister can move on and not be abused.

              Your parents telling you as a child they would never do that, is comforting but you know? You guys are older now, can stand on your own two feet, why should a person keep suffering? Let your Mom know that you can stand on your own two feet now, and it's okay for her to live her life, with what ever she chooses and you will always be there to support that, and your Dad...
              PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

              Comment

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