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How to handle being too sensitive and being told that I'm playing victim?

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  • I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I would like to know what makes someone mature or immature.

    I know I will get different answers, but the answers would help.

    Me personally? I do think these men were actually immature since their behavior reflected someone that was still in middleschool. Middleschool kids don't care about how people feel, but most adults I know present themselves as polite and considerate.
    "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

    Comment


    • Stats show men are at least 4 years mentally younger than us.

      It stands to reason why we are more mature, we are meant to have children and have to be mentally prepared, use our intuition and be mature.

      We are the gender with responsibilities alot not all men when young aren't ready for any responsibilities and grow up as they mature like 40, 30, but inevitabily, it makes logical sense that we will be mature, based on maternal instincts and our roles in life, even if we don't have children.

      They dream of cars, bikes when they are 40, we dream of travel and togetherness, finally. alone together
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • PB, I agree with those guys when they say that your weight issues are your own. You have to be strong enough to do something about it, something MATURE, when someone puts you down. And you DID - you considered removing that person from your life, which would be perfectly mature, and explained how you felt and gave her the opportunity to apologize and change. How much more mature than that can you GET? You didn't get passive-aggressive or whiny. You didn't talk smack about her to your friends. You didn't threaten to beat her up.
        Google "Women Aren't Crazy" and read the article you find. It should talk about Gaslighting, a tactic others use to make you feel like your reactions are out of control. I feel like this is what these guys were trying to do - calling you immature because they can't deal with a mature reaction outside of what they'd do.
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        • I'm going to sound like a broken record, but I would like to know what makes someone mature or immature.
          I am only going to answer this based on my own opinion. I personally believe that when someone is immature they do the "but but but ____ that's not fair" or they cry when someone says no, or they cry when they do not get their way, or they may physically do something in retaliation like hit a table or stomp their foot....like obvious behaviors that may make someone say "sheesh". But to me someone can avoid any type of response of that nature and still be immature, for example they could be talking to someone about going out for supper for example and the group of people say place A and immature person may say things like "no we are not going there because I hate it" , that sort of "I will not even hear you out" type of conversation because they want their way. Another immature thing to me is when a person may be very very impulsive and act based on emotions very quickly without even sitting for 2 seconds to think it out...stomping the foot is an example, or doing the head-bob 'whateva ___ch' complete with eyeroll...impulsive actions that again a person would say "sheesh calm down". But again this is just my opinion, I know people may not agree with me but this is from what I have personally seen and regarded as immature behavior.

          However a mature person to me is in how they handle it all. Situations can be tough and a mature person may be being made fun of for example and can still handle a situation. A mature person may keep their voice level at the same, clearly try to make their point, not raise their voice, not physically react, not try to make a scene...that sort of 'calm cool and collected' reaction. A mature person may go into a conversation to me will also go in with better language meaning bigger words, big words can really trip another person up because then it automatically establishes a higher education (maybe, they could also just be more literate lol) that alone can make another person get all huffy and resort to the swearing to compete with the conversation at hand...the swearing is immature, the big words and calm attitude is the mature one.
          There are those who believe that dictionaries should not merely reflect the times but also protect English from the mindless assaults of the trendy.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by Little View Post
            PB, I agree with those guys when they say that your weight issues are your own. You have to be strong enough to do something about it, something MATURE, when someone puts you down. And you DID - you considered removing that person from your life, which would be perfectly mature, and explained how you felt and gave her the opportunity to apologize and change. How much more mature than that can you GET? You didn't get passive-aggressive or whiny. You didn't talk smack about her to your friends. You didn't threaten to beat her up.
            Google "Women Aren't Crazy" and read the article you find. It should talk about Gaslighting, a tactic others use to make you feel like your reactions are out of control. I feel like this is what these guys were trying to do - calling you immature because they can't deal with a mature reaction outside of what they'd do.
            Haha, I did stumble across that article. you may be very well right, and I can't internalize another man's insecurity. I could be reminding them of someone that they know in their lives. Googling up their other posts, they have said similar things to other females-Calling females idiots, immature, clingy and telling them to move on.



            ItsAsecret-Thanks for the response, but I also think that a person can be mature at times and immature at other times. Nobody is perfect and one-dimensional all of the time.
            "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

            Comment


            • Little-You are right that I'm responsible for my own issues, but I also don't think it's too much to ask a friend to just be respectful and supportive. If my friend was a recovering alcoholic, I wouldn't get drunk in front of her face. That's just me, because I know it would be non-supportive for her own recovery. Since this particular friend only made this comment once AND respected my boundary of not doing it again, that shows healthiness on her part too. She didn't dismiss my feelings or call me crazy when I told her that I get obsessive about her comment.

              She did e-mail me back on facebook and we worked it out. I do feel better and take responsibility that my past experiences and family issues shaped how I reacted to her. She's also a co-worker, so the pros of keeping her as a friend do outweight the cons.

              Deciding who is a good friend can be a challenge when you're in life learning to set boundaries and figuring out what you want to tolerate and won't.
              "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

              Comment


              • it's facebook. keep that in mind, it's a social network site that causes many unnecessary drama. as for the forums; people are more likely to be rude online than to your face. maybe you should stick to just a few forums where you can really "get to know" the people you're sharing your stories with.

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                • How to handle being too sensitive and being told that I'm playing victim?

                  In terms of defining maturity, I agree with itsASecret. That is how I would define it too.

                  You are within your best interest in keeping away from those forums. I can be quite sensitive and can take offence very quickly, more when I've been tired/sick. I use to go on one particular one and now I avoid it for the same reason. There is no need for rudeness and slamming someone.

                  JC

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                  • How to handle being too sensitive and being told that I'm playing victim?

                    Forgot to say, that i believe you are right there are different situations where you can be mature/immature at times.

                    I use to see it at work quite a bit in my late teens/early 20s.

                    Comment


                    • I'm new here so I'm kind of scared of posting. Ok. here I go. Don't allow anyone to make you feel bad, especially a posting online. There are alot of well "not-so-nice" people out there, when those people get online they think they can hide behind their puter-window (that's what I call it). I assure you they wouldn't make bad comments in person.

                      BTW - They're are alot of really nice good-natured people out there to. Just ignore any negativity. Go with your intuition

                      Have a Great day!
                      “I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.”

                      Comment


                      • Hi there, I'm new and even though its been a couple of years that you posted this I am hoping this finds you.

                        I grew up being abused as a child and had a very long emotionally abusive relationship with a man. I desperately wanted to believe in him and even though it was slow and at first hard to understand his manuvaring it killed me. I seeked help and started to read as much as I could.
                        I mention this because I've learned that most unhealthy people do the common projection. They refuse, absolutely refuse to acknowledge themselves and their accountability and responsibility that they can get pretty abusive. Now that I understand that concept a little better it just sounds that these people are just that. Unable to be happy with themselves and project. Yes the world is hard, yes we must survive but putting others down is not helpful. Reading all your posts if have to say you are not immature of the deleting process. You were just scared and trying to be the good person to communicate what was wrong. Most unhealthy people will put you down. **** you in generalized sense. To make you feel better that's what I also did with my ex. This is my boundary you do not respect it you get deleted. A normal person would respect. My experience is a bit different but a bit the same.

                        Just remember that you need to surround yourself with healthy individuals that do not punish you for your needs and if its because you are sensitive you know what? That's ok! There's a reason and the people who love you and care about you will understand that. Those who treat you badly is stuck in their own world comparing you to them and punishing you for not being them.

                        I know this is long I apologize but I think it's very important. Your needs are important.

                        Comment

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