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Who do I see for help?

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  • Who do I see for help?

    I am at the end of my rope. I need to talk to someone. I don't feel loved anymore or he's trying to make me mental. I am 47, married for 27 years. Everything I tell my husband bothers me, he seems to do it more. I am a insecure person, I have a weight issue, 5"3' and 195lbs. He remind me every day of my weight with nicknames ect (but he said he's only kidding)I have not always been this way. (but I now thinks it's what I get) After HS I went into the Army, I left home & my boyfriend behind, but we said we can do a long distant relationship. Long story short, I started out being friends with someone there & feeling developed. When my boyfriend joined the Army to be with me, when he got to my base we tried to work it out but my feelings were not the same. So we broke up. He never did try to see me again, I tried to see him but all his friends would say he was never at his barracks. 8 months later I slipped him a letter that I wanted to get back with him, we got back together, & he told me I could never see or talk to this other guy. I never did . We left Calif & came back home. Everything was fine until 5 years home the ex called & I talked to him, my husband was home and listening. Nothing was said, he called again about 1 year later & that's when my husband said no more. He did call 10 years later at a new home we had moved to. He called twice & I did talk to him. (I did not want to blow him off because I was afraid he would tell my husband that he & I had sex, my first time) Forward to three years ago he called & I told him wrong #, my husband asked who was that & I told him, I had nothing to hide. Well I have lived in misery ever since. About 3 months after that call I told him I had had sex with him, only because he was getting very mentally abusive & we were staying up all night arguing. It was living hell so I told him we had sex once & it was not pleasurable, not a good loving experience. I did when I did not think he would never take me back. So I know what bothers him is I lost my virginity to another. Trust issue is big. I need to see someone professional. He will not come with me. I can could one one hand in the last 3- years he has said I look nice. If I ask him how I look he said, fine, I married you didn't I? But then when we go out he makes a point to tell others they really look good. Especially this one girl I made the mistake of telling him I think she's a little to friendly to him. I've told him about not telling me I look good, I told him I would feel better about myself, now he never tells me I look good. I told him I like sex at night in the morning I tired & my back hurts, now he makes it a point of having sex in the morning & not at night. He thinks I', making to bid of a deal because I have a difficult time having the big O. I can only have it if I do it myself(which if he knew I was doing that would be mad) or I can do it if I'm in the right frame of mine & he helps me out by hand. As a matter of fact the other night when I said let's fool around he said I'm tired I said we don't have sex anymore, he said, how does it feel(refering to when I broke up & had sex with someone else, at least that's how I'm taking it. It bothers me when a good looking girls comes on TV with barly nothing on, & he say wow she nice looking. The newest thing he planning a biking trip to a city with a bunch of friends, and that's were a X-girlfriend he had lives, and he has said in the past he could of screwed her, while I was involved with the other guy. The other night on TV a show has a comment that we all knows the best man & maid of honor hook up, he commented ya. And he & this girl did stand up for a wedding together. Now that there planning this trip, he says the city all the time, he even says that city when he's talking to someone about he last class he took out of town, & he tells them that town when it was in a different town hours apart. I'll say no it's was in ? Is he doing this on purpose or am I to sensitive? Who can I see, a therapist? Of what type? I have no idea where to start. I will open up to them but my husband will not, he feels it's between us & no outsiders. But when I bring anything up to him he will say your jelous, or grow up. Or the famous, I married you. Who do I see? Sorry so long but I wanted to give a background. I have in the past three months taking something for depression but I think it could be anxiety.

  • He is causing emotional abuse to you. I think it would be a good idea to talk to someone about your situation. They might be able to provide some insight and give you some advice on how to handle some of the comments he makes and maybe give you an explanation of his actions. He doesn't sound very loving and obviously what happened between you and your ex happened almost 30 years ago. He should have no reason to treat you that way when you've been faithful to him for 27 years. He probably had a hurt ego or was angry that you lost your virginity to this other man, but if he truly loves you he will learn to get over that and move on. Obviously this other man doesn't mean as much to you as he thinks he does, otherwise you'd be with him from the very beginning, but you chose your husband.

    It might be time to re-evaluate your relationship with your husband and you need to put yourself first. He can't keep tearing you down like this and expect your marriage to continue on. He might need a wake up call, and if I were you I'm not sure how much longer I'd put up with it. I'm not saying "leave your husband" but it's not fair to you to stick around and deal with that either. I would highly suggest talking to someone and try get an expert opinion on what to do with this situation. I really hope you find what you need, because you sound like a really good person who doesn't deserve to get treated the way that you are.


    • I agree with lizzardb63, these sound like forms of emotional abuse, something that I myself have had problems with in a recent relationship. Emotional abuse can be so hard to pinpoint, but the constant name calling and jealously that you described are a definitely part of it. It sounds like he may be feeling insecure, so he is trying to make you feel a similar way which can chip away at your confidence and self worth.

      I think seeing a psychologist or counsellor may be a good start. Remember you are not making it up in your head, and you are not being too sensitive. Its hard but you need to put your needs first and trust yourself!


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