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schizophrenic husband/ bad marriage

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  • schizophrenic husband/ bad marriage

    My husband has schizophrenia. He does not take medication for it. He used to in the past way before I met him. I don't why the medication stopped or what the story is. I tried to talk to his dad about it once, but he did not want to talk about it. Because of his condition he will sometimes be real cruel to me. He will think I am making gestures, making faces, and implying or suggesting something. When it happens he will tell me to die and will call me a ********** or a nigger. In fact, he was just having one of his episodes and was yelling at me. He and I don't have much of a marriage and I am alone in it because all he does is go to work and pay the bills. He barely has sex with me, does not sleep with me in the bed at night, does not eat dinner with me at the table, does not take me out any where or does not do anything for me. All we do is go jogging together around the neighborhood since he is an avid runner. Nothing else. I am being abused, mistreated, and disrespected, but for some reason I am having a hard time packing up and leaving. I know I deserve a whole lot better and that I don't need to be wasting my life away in a bad marriage, but for some reason I can't leave. I have been dealing with all this crap for eight and half years. I have several theories about why I am still here and they are: 1. I love the independence. Living on my own and having my own house. If I leave I will have to move into my parents house again and I don't really want to have to do that because I guess I think I am too old be crashing with mom and dad. I am 29 by the way. 2. My self esteem is very low. I heard Dr. Phil telling a girl once, who was also in a bad marriage, that the reason why she puts up with it is because she doesn't love herself enough. I was always bullied, only had a few friends, and practically no boyfriends. 3. I'm desperate since I hardly dated anyone before marrying. 4. When I try to think about leaving, going through a divorce, and eventually moving on and forgetting about him I have a hard time picturing it because I guess I am just so much in love with him. God help me.

  • This is a serious situation.

    I am 23 and lived with my step father for 8 years while I was younger. He was diagnosed with schizophrenia before he ever met my mom. While being with my mom he did not take any medication, but told my mom he was supposed to take something that started with an "L," which I am assuming was lithium. During the time they were together ( I was 5 to 13) he was some what normal in the beginning, then as time progressed, and they had 3 children together, his behavior became quite different, even as a child I could tell something was wrong. Him and my mother would fight all the time, and he was violent with her and me. My mother left a few times, but always returned with hopes that he would get better, that's what he would tell her. Towards the end he was delusional, he would say things had disappeared right before his eyes, he would talk about whiches, and he even thought I was a which and watch me just to make sure I didn't do anything "crafty." He put us all in fear. He would walk around with a double barrel shout gun. My mom was so afraid he would kill us, she looked for any way out but didn't know what to do or when to leave. She was in constant fear of leaving us alone with him. He also smoked pot a lot, I learned this later when I made the connection, this would calm his symptoms, but in most mentally ill people, it can actually worsen the illness as time goes on. He made our lives a living hell. My mom was depressed most of the time. He had even killed our own pets. He shot two dogs and a pet pig we had, as told by my mom later when I was older. The final straw was a trail of gasoline leading to her car, she video taped it and kept it for proof. A few days later she told my siblings and I were leaving, because she couldn't take it any more. And finally we left, she packed the car, with as much stuff as possible, picked us up from school and with our 3 dogs, we left and never looked back.
    To this day I take mental illness very seriously and even though not all cases are the same and not all schizophrenics are the same. They can become very dangerous, you have all the warning signs you need, suck up your pride and do what you need to do to protect your self before it's too late!

    Comment


    • I don't believe you are "so in love with him" how can you be in love with someone who you don't eat with, sleep with, bond with, go out with.

      I do think that you are comfortable and that FEAR is playing an important part of this, fear of not having the space you have, fear of being on your own, fear of not finding someone else, fear of not having friends...

      But, how do you know what's out there if you don't go out there?
      PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

      Comment


      • My husband has gotten worse over time. Its has nothing to do with him smoking or drinking. He does not smoke at all and does not normally drink. He might have a few cups of wine or beer once in a while that's it. I've heard that with schizophrenia it keeps on getting worse and worse as time goes on. I don't know if its actually true. Before he got worse he did not yell at me or call me awful names. When he would have his episodes he would just say out, out, out or clear, clear, clear and that will be about it. Now he goes around the house saying he is the master, he is the center, that he will chop your head off, will say awful things to me, and call me cruel names, and other stuff.

        Comment




        • TMY,
          It sounds like this is ongoing for Years, it sounds like you have definitely Tried to stay in the marriage.

          While trying to help you,JNS said recently...
          tmy, your situation sounds very much like this one: crazy/cruel husband . Maybe the posts to brunettebabe and Tara43 can help.
          Those posts were from
          brunettebabe on 1/20/2012 and you'd lost your Tara password.
          Then a few days ago you replied recently with
          I was the one who wrote that post. Those screen names don't exist anymore.
          And even further back

          Posts by brunettebabe 11/27/2010
          My husband has all kinds of excuses of why he doesn't want it. His favorite statement is, "We'll do it tomorrow." He said that about four times this week before we actually did it.
          Sweets, It really sounds like it's time you Give Up on this relationship, especially if you are Fearful and he will not get any Mental Help. He seems to be getting worse and you need to start thinking about your Safety and your Own Mental Health.
          I Re~Read many of your posts under the other 2 names, Sex has been a Big issue with you, or I should say Lack thereof. You were talking about wanting a Child with him and he wanting one with you ? But with his Mood Swings and Mental Illness, maybe " God / Higher Power/ Great Spirit " is not allowing that to happen.

          At this time, it is not a good Idea to get Pregnant and have a Child. A Child needs a Stable Home, one filled with Love and Healthy Parents in a Healthy Relationship.Your Situation right now Denotes a very Unstable Environment.

          When it comes to you wanting Sex with him and him " Denying or Changing Plans " on when and with all of his Excuses and your Frustrations. It may be time to Give up on trying to have Sex with him and trying to get Pregnant and Start Demanding that he get Help and if he will not see a Dr, will not get on Proper Medication (s). You have done all you can for Now.

          It is Time to Move On and Hopefully lead a Productive Life,without Fear and without having to beg for someone to Make love with you, to have a Child with you.

          Sweetie, I'm not being Judgmental of you per say.
          But .. You may be falling into the " Deep Enabling " factor in your Marriage.The Accepting and Allowing his Behavior, all the while, Demeaning and Complaining and Wishing it/he/ you could Change it...

          This to the point that if he gave you Sex 3 times a week, you would Allow and Condone his Mental/ Verbal Abuse and even try to attempt to bring and raise a Child in that situation .

          Please Think and Think Carefully..
          It is Time for You to get Healthy, Emotionally, Physically and Mentally. Yes you can be Trapped into " Mental " Issues " Yourself, by Living in Abusive Relationships. By being in a Co~Dependency Relationship, Hoping you can "Change Them" if you just stand by them Long Enough . If You Just " Love them Hard Enough ".

          It is Time you Love Yourself Enough ...To not waste your Life and Chances of a Loving , Healthy Relationship. And even Possibly Motherhood .




          Comment


          • Originally posted by brunettebabe View Post
            I have a bad marriage. I get mistreated, but for some reason I am having a hard time packing up and leaving. I don't know why. I guess maybe its because I am afraid I wont find love again and that I am desperate because when I was single I had an awfully hard time finding boyfriends. Maybe its because I love the indepedence and don't want to have to live my parents again. Or maybe I am just being true to my vows: till death do us part. I don't know. I deserve a lot better than this and plus I don't need to be dealing with this when I am still fairly young (28). Before I got married I only dated one man. He mistreated me also. Even though he mistreated me I wouldn't dump him. I just sit back and take it because I was desperate to have some one to love. I guess I just answered my question. I wont leave because I desperate. Plus things are more complicated now: have to go through a divorce, have go through lots of emtional baggage, have divide up all the funiture, etc.
            Being afraid of changing things is common, however, some people just lock up. It sounds like you are in that situation. I doubt that your husband is going to get better without making any effort on his part. Sometimes the partner deciding to make a change is the wake-up call that such a person needs.
            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
            ...
            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

            Comment

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