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Have you ever been the subject of bullying? How did it affect you?

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  • Have you ever been the subject of bullying? How did it affect you?

    My high school senior year was hellish. I was mercilessly bullied and ostracized that year and it affected me for years afterward. To this day I don't know what I did to insight such contempt. But a group of girls decided that they wanted to hurt me and my relationships because they didn't like me and because I was 17 dating an older guy of 24 (who is now my husband). It was made up rumors, gossip, isolation, insults, writing on the walls, bullying my firends and anyone who was seen talking to me. The kind of stuff they make tv movies about nowadays. It was in the time before cyber bullying, it was in person, real words, real insults, real world. By the end of my senior year I had no friends, no one would talk to me. I never told my parents, nor my teachers. My teachers must have known, they saw me eat lunch alone in the library every day. But there were no anti-bullying campaigns then, it was just seen as girls begin catty.

    How does someone go through a traumatic experience like that at such a young age when they're still forming their social identity and not come out damaged in some way? Although its been years and I've put it behind me, I realize it has shaped how I relate to others as an adult. I don't have female friends. I only have male friends. I still harbor insecurities; I'm always second guessing myself. On the positive side, I don't tolerate bullying or cattiness in any way now. When I see it happening to someone else, I but in. Several months ago, I was in the ladies room in the office building where I work and I overheard three women putting down another woman (probably a co-worker, I don't know). They were talking about how she gained weight, how she wears too much make up, how her clothes are too revealing. Something clicked inside me and I couldn't hold my tongue. I asked them how putting her down made them feel better about themselves. They looked at me like I had three heads. And rightfully so. I didn't know them. I had no business interjecting myself into their conversation. But I'm glad I did it. There's no room in this world for behavior like that. We all have flaws. Some people's flaws are that they constantly feel the need to point out other people's flaws.

    In some ways the experience when I was young made me a better, stronger person and in some ways I'm still damaged by it. But it's our experiences in life that make us who we are right?

    From what I've see on this forum, this is a supportive, non-judgemental place to share. I've always wondered if anyone has ever been through something similar. If you have, how did you come out of it? Did it mess you up or make you stronger? Please share if your so inclined.

  • I'm one for saying life is here to learn and what we go through is learning, what we take from that, is the key.

    Inspirational people such as Mandela, who endured years in a jail but left behind all that hurt, knowing full well that if he took it with him, it would destroy his life.

    The same goes for those girls... Their lives more than likely have turned out for the worse. Used, abused, can't find proper love, basic jobs, nobodies ... Whilst you are strong, married the guy regardless of what happened, and see love instead of hate.

    I think a lot of women were bullied at school, heck me too. Whilst I played the typical CW, looking after the "nerds" and ensuring they were not bullied , which lead to a fight on the oval with two girls.. They thought with me wearing a pink jumper I would fall apart But, that's not what happened. And, the teachers and kids watching, I can still see, gobsmacked that one girl beat two.

    I was already strong. You've become strong as a result.

    What you need to do is understand, that you can not let negative things that happen in your life to rule your life. If you do and it was people that caused it you allow those people to win, why would you do that?

    Just know their life is more than likely nothing as good as yours. And, it's never too late to let others in.. You are strong now, so go forth, not backwards, and start making female friends to ensure that those girls did not ruin your life, they did not win... You did.
    PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

    Comment


    • When I was in high school a dude I didn't know just started picking on me on the bus, calling me ugly and talking about my clothes. It went on over a period of a few months whenever we'd be on the same bus. It was so random because typically men don't critique each other on their looks to that degree and I had never been called ugly in my life. I had been chubby and friends and family would tease me once in a while, but by this time I had slimmed up a little. And it wasn't like we were kids - around 16, 17 years old, I believe.

      It was pretty clear that he didn't think I was ugly so it wasn't really hurtful on that level. It seemed he was just bored and decided to make me a target. Everyone would get real quiet and I just kind of sat there. No one laughed or chimed in. I didn't really know how to respond. If he had hit me then I'd know what to do, but I didn't want to escalate to the physical because of words. "Playing the dozens" is part of my culture, but typically that's done by friends or at least there's a certain understanding that it's being played. This was different. It was surreal. I was shamed in front of my friends.

      I still feel the shame. I regret not saying more. This was over 20 years ago and I still come up with things that I wish I had said.
      "Those sowing seed with tears
      Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

      Comment


      • I lived my first half of high school being bullied because I was chubby, and a computer nerd.

        Second half I moved to a different school where I also got bullied, but with the difference that I had made some new friends that stuck out for me, so the bullying wasn't as bad.

        Still it really damaged me. I honestly believed that no girl would ever want me, and I was destined to die alone. In my 20's I got into bodybuilding, and I started getting bigger and leaner. I started getting a ton of girl's attention, but I felt small. I started out with 14" arms, and I was embarrassed to wear short sleeve shirts. After a few years I got all the way up to 18" arms, and I still felt small.

        I stopped caring about that and started to try to find relationships, but the damage is done. I never in my life want to have kids now (actually have a vasectomy scheduled for next week), and I'm not sure I can ever get married and live happily with a woman. I also fear as I get older, that it will be harder to maintain my physique, and I'll go back to looking like that weakling kid in high school again. I'm slowly accepting it though, because it's inevitable.
        Pigeonholer extraordinaire!

        Comment

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