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Struggling between people and solitude

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  • Struggling between people and solitude

    I've always been the type who enjoys her solitude more than presence of people. But because of my role as a cheerleader and being an officer of many different clubs back in high school and my current role as a member of a dance group, public relations officer in a student organization, and having to go through many interviews in my college life, I have been forced to be outgoing to successfully serve my current roles. But lately, my artificial outgoing personality has been geting to me.

    With roles that force me to be in constant contact with other people, I have been getting very bothered by this because I am uneasy. Being outside my comfort zone, I have been finding myself be constantly self-conscious and have been making mistakes that make people not like me. I am used to having distance from people and having a temporary roommate who currently shares my room that luxury is nonexistent.


    I feel lost in finding my balance in finding time to be alone while trying to keep my sanity around other people. I do not find the luxury of finding time alone because of my busy schedule with my part time job, school, and extracurricular activities. Even when I'm free, my friends and roommate somehow find me so I feel obligated to hang with them with their initiative to take me somewhere with them. How should I deal with this?


  • It sounds like you are over~extending yourself . Therefore leaving very little " Me Time ".

    While there are things you " must " do to continue your "Status" and Career or Employment goals. You need to do a Reschedule.

    Set yourself an " OFF TIME ". Every day or once a week, whatever you can fit in and feel it's beneficial to you .
    Let everyone know,that you cannot be available ( fill in times ).Tell them you have Commitments and Obligations,they don't have to know that those are for YOU .

    On your OFF TIMES. Shut off the Phone completely or don't answer it unless it's Family or an Emergency. Shut of your Comp or Facebook, Skype or set it to Away. So no one knows you are online.

    For your Roommate Situation,set a Schedule with her/ him. Make it a fair one. Have a sign on the doorknob like the Hotels do. Do not Disturb. As a Reminder of each others own Private Time.
    During that agreed time, respect each others " Notice Sign " It should not be Random, but Set Times.You can go to the Library, Take a Walk, go to a Park. So can Roomy.

    Your Friends can't "Find You " if they do not know where you are. And a Polite,Thanks, but I have a Commitment Already, takes that " Obligation " off the Slate.

    Don't get " Burned Out " so early in life ..
    Good Luck .






    Comment


    • For your well-being, you need to find places where you can be alone. Being alone is highly subjective. Some people need isolation and quiet whereas others can be perfectly alone just tuning out and reading a book by themselves in the middle of a crowded beach. If you can’t be alone at home, then a park, a library maybe?

      It appears you’re compromising who you really are to fit in with certain groups. Why have you extended yourself beyond your comfort zone to take on the many roles you have if you're the type who would rather solitude than the presence of people? Can you cut down on some of the public commitments so that your schedule is more manageable? I think your friends will be ok with it if you didn’t go with them at every opportunity, if they’re good friends. Why do you feel you can’t tell them you just want to skip going out? I don’t see you being able to maintain this if it makes you uncomfortable.

      Comment


      • Originally posted by secret0524 View Post
        I feel lost in finding my balance in finding time to be alone while trying to keep my sanity around other people. I do not find the luxury of finding time alone because of my busy schedule with my part time job, school, and extracurricular activities. Even when I'm free, my friends and roommate somehow find me so I feel obligated to hang with them with their initiative to take me somewhere with them. How should I deal with this?
        Everyone needs time to "recharge" so please don't feel so obligated to spend time with people on your off time if what you need is some time to yourself.

        You just have to tell your friends/roommate "no" You don't have to be rude or dishonest, just tell them what you told us... you're running in a dozen different direction, and you need some down time. Thanks for the offer to go out, but you're going to hang out on your own and relax. No one should hold that against you.

        I am similar in that I NEED time to myself. I can get really grouchy without it. I'm a pretty social person, actually, but there are times when I just want to be in a quiet place with no one around. And I make no qualms about telling my friends no when I need it. They aren't your keepers!

        Comment


        • Reply ?

          Is this original ( My Post ) even seen ?

          I am finding that we Repeat the same " comments " and even Claret says the Posts are NOT here ..
          Just Asking ..

          Originally posted by BabyGirl View Post

          It sounds like you are over~extending yourself . Therefore leaving very little " Me Time ".
          While there are things you " must " do to continue your "Status" and Career or Employment goals. You need to do a Reschedule.

          Set yourself an " OFF TIME ". Every day or once a week, whatever you can fit in and feel it's beneficial to you .
          Let everyone know,that you cannot be available ( fill in times ).Tell them you have Commitments and Obligations,they don't have to know that those are for YOU .

          On your OFF TIMES. Shut off the Phone completely or don't answer it unless it's Family or an Emergency. Shut of your Comp or Facebook, Skype or set it to Away. So no one knows you are online.

          For your Roommate Situation,set a Schedule with her/ him. Make it a fair one. Have a sign on the doorknob like the Hotels do. Do not Disturb. As a Reminder of each others own Private Time.
          During that agreed time, respect each others " Notice Sign " It should not be Random, but Set Times.You can go to the Library, Take a Walk, go to a Park. So can Roomy.

          Your Friends can't "Find You " if they do not know where you are. And a Polite,Thanks, but I have a Commitment Already, takes that " Obligation " off the Slate.

          Don't get " Burned Out " so early in life ..
          Good Luck .


          HisGirl
          For your well-being, you need to find places where you can be alone. Being alone is highly subjective. Some people need isolation and quiet whereas others can be perfectly alone just tuning out and reading a book by themselves in the middle of a crowded beach. If you can’t be alone at home, then a park, a library maybe?

          It appears you’re compromising who you really are to fit in with certain groups. Why have you extended yourself beyond your comfort zone to take on the many roles you have if you're the type who would rather solitude than the presence of people? Can you cut down on some of the public commitments so that your schedule is more manageable? I think your friends will be ok with it if you didn’t go with them at every opportunity, if they’re good friends. Why do you feel you can’t tell them you just want to skip going out? I don’t see you being able to maintain this if it makes you uncomfortable.
          I am rarely seeing my OP's and basically seeing " Same Idea Posts " .
          It may be a Temp Block or Temp Scramble ? ( CISCO ) .
          I have Pm'd CW & Claret on this ..
          So not sure what is Happening .

          But I hope things work out for you

          Comment


          • We live this life once and it should be fun, adventurous, quiet, all the things we need it to be if not, we change it.

            In the meantime If I was you, I would add to your schedule. First thing in the morning 30 minute walk, if you can by parklands or the forest somewhere earthy.

            Second why not take up meditation? You can slot in 20 minutes when you get home, even if you have to do it in the bathroom

            But you do need to do what YOU want to do.. That's what life is about...
            PUT A LITTLE 'LIKE' IN MY SOUL!

            Comment


            • I myself am very much a loner but I have to be around people some both for work reasons and sometimes, evern though I prefer to be alone, I know I need socialization/company.

              For the free time you mention, make it your alone time. Schedule it just the way you would other activities. Put the time down in your calendar and then stick to it. Turn off your phone. If any of your friends ask if you are available during those periods, tell them you already have something on the calendar.

              Comment

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