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If you were offered a do-over in life, would you take it?

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  • If you were offered a do-over in life, would you take it?

    …and what would you change if anything?

    The older I get the more I think about this. I know 35 isn’t old, but its old enough to get me thinking about the past and about how I would have done things differently if I had a second chance.

    At first thought, I’d change a lot, like in high school, I would talk to that guy I had a crush on for two years who I was too shy to say even 'hello' to. Or I’d have gone into a different career field and gotten my degree in math instead of history (I was always good at math). Or maybe I would have put off getting married and let myself live a little more when I was in my 20’s. Since every decision we make in life, opens some doors but closes others, the more life I live, the more decisions are made, and the more I think about the doors I’ve closed.

    Then there’s another part of me that thinks about how if I had made different choices, then maybe things wouldn’t be better, maybe they’d be worse. And what about the people in my life, would they still be there? Some of them aren’t up for trade, so maybe I really wouldn’t make any changes. I still wish I had talked to that guy in high school though.

    I really struggle with trying to come to peace with these thoughts.

    Anyone else think about this? What goes through you mind when you do?

  • I think about this too on occasion. I think we all do. Of course there's little things I'd change, but I wouldn't change the big things. Everything that happened in my past has led me to the point of where I am now. I don't regret that, even though there are days where I think "ugh, I wish things were different". There would really be no point in changing anything though, because I'd hate to see what my life would be like if those things hadn't played out the way they did.

    I wish I would have went to school for my associates in AODA (Alcohol and Other Drug Abuse Associate) like I wanted to right out of high school, but instead of went to school for Business Management and Leadership and will be finishing with my Bachelor degree in 3 weeks. That's a huge accomplishment and it is what I make of it. I will find a good job sooner or later one that I like.

    I wish I would have broken up with my ex 2 years earlier in our relationship. I wasted a lot of time, but then again I may not have meet my husband when I was supposed to or at all.

    Everything happens for a reason and we should see the beauty in that

    Comment


    • This is something I've had to think about for the past year. One year ago I was told that if I didn't have Open Heart Surgery that the Cardiologist and Surgeon all gave me perhaps weeks to months, certainly not a year to survive.

      When I had my surgery last November 30th/12 I spent many hours thinking back on my life and what I would or wouldn't do over and how I'd handle things given another shot at it. There were many things that made me hurt and which I'd have not happen. There are things that I'd do or say to other people that I would not have wanted to say. Somehow it all seemed important at the time.

      When it got right down to it, I figured out that I had to tell the people that I loved, that I loved them. I had to apologize to them for the things I did or didn't do for them. I needed to know that they loved me in return. I needed to know that if I truly hurt them that I was forgiven. I'm not talking about big things, just ordinary everyday transgressions, such as a broken promise to my child, or not understanding my Mother when she reached out to me.

      Facing death puts things in perspective and I went into the surgery knowing that for moments of time I'd be basically dead. I went in with calmness and grace and knew that I had done my best to make things right. I am now not afraid of death as each day I try to continue to be the person I wanted to be.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

      Comment


      • There's no way in hell I'd face junior high and high school again. I hope everyone in my class suffers a miserable life and I never want to see them again. I actually have amnesia over most of it because it was so bad. I can't talk to the psychiatrist without starting to cry which stops me from being able to talk. Only reason I haven't been diagnosed ptsd from those 6 years. They actually diagnose me autistic because in testing I just run in to road blocks where my brain refuses to give an answer to a very simple question or task. There's nothing I could have done differently. If I fought back I got in trouble while they could torture me for entire class periods and in between them. If I reacted I got the do unto others speech and sometimes a detention so I was forced to endure psychological and physical torture every day from 8am to 3pm. My mom refused to home school me no matter what I said. I reached the point of skipping classes and sitting in the library until I got caught.

        However if I could go back in time I'd hand myself several years worth of yasmin and seroquel. I had horrible hormone problems which I now think I suffer PCOS and I had the worst insomnia any doctor has seen helped the most by seroquel. Although these days I have to take 4-5 meds to get any sleep because of the past more than 10 years of taking meds.

        Comment


        • A do over? Yes I`d take it. There are a lot of things I`d change.

          Most notably something I`ve mentioned in several other threads. The biggest mistake of my life taking the anti-depressant Lexapro for five years. Thank God my marriage recovered. But it caused many other problems that haven`t been as easily fixed. I should`ve changed psychiatrists long before I did.

          Comment


          • Honestly, no. All of my experiences and mistakes have shaped who I am today.
            "Dating is like slow dancing. Let the man lead, or you will fall all over your feet"

            Comment


            • Thanks for your input ladies, it helps to hear different perspectives. I find myself obsessing over this of late.

              Liz, congrats on your degree, what an accomplishment! Claret, you’re story is inspiring and really puts things into perspective.Kira, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through.Lady Syrinx, thankfully your marriage survived. Magnetism, I envy your attitude, I wish I shared it.

              Comment


              • That all was not to say that my life was anything but easy. From an abusive, alcoholic, gambler for an ex husband to jobs I wished I never had had to take to provide for my children and me to the hereditary heart and vascular conditions I live with daily. But, everything that went before is the why of today. As Robert Browning put it,
                "The last of life, for which the first was made: Our times are in His hand. Who saith 'A whole I planned,, 5. Youth shows but half. . ."
                That which we forget may as well never really happened.

                Comment


                • If I had a time machine I'd go back and give my former self a talking-to. Of course my former self wouldn't listen, so it wouldn't do any good.

                  My life is far from perfect, but I enjoy it. No telling what would unravel if I pulled on threads in the past.

                  At 35 rather than think of what you might have done differently, think about what you want to do NOW and with your future. You have no idea how young 35 will seem when you are 50. (and I'm sure 50 will seem young when I'm 70). You have tons of time to make your life what you want it to be.

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                  • At age 35 there are many doors still open to you. You just have to reach out and turn the door knob on the one(s) you want to open. TaDa!

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                    • I wish I hadn't been so shy to talk to girls when I was a youth. I also wish I didn't have such high standards of female beauty. I wish I was less superficial. I wish I was more self confident so that I wouldn't act obnoxious around girls I liked so that I actually had a chance at asking them out. I wonder how many girls I could have had sex with if I had made those changes.

                      Comment


                      • My first thought was that I'd do it in a second. I could avoid a traumatic event that changed my life and left me unable to have children.

                        But, after I thought it over, a "do-over" would mean I would not meet my husband and would not have my adopted daughter, both of whom I love dearly. As many ups and downs as I've had in my life, I don't think I would change a thing. It is my karma and I must follow it to the end.
                        [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
                        Not thinking about anything is Zen. Once you know this, walking, sitting, or lying down, everything you do is Zen.
                        ― Bodhidharma

                        Comment


                        • rcoreyus and Phil, I hear what you're saying. Thanks.
                          a_dub, you can still make those changes, you're even younger than I am. Go for it.
                          Chaya, you seem to have found a peace, thanks for sharing it.

                          Comment


                          • That's an interesting question, and something i thought on and off about. It may be tempting to say "yes", however all the events in my past lead to where I am now and who I have become. I learn form my past and try no to make the same mistakes, but I am grateful I made them at some point - they help me grow.

                            Comment

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