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Will there ever be a way out?

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  • Will there ever be a way out?

    I've found myself coming back onto this site a year later for some more advice and the protection of anonymity.
    Here goes...
    My partner and I have been together for five years or more, we used to be so close and so good together. We had more downs than ups but we always managed to pull through. I nagged and he shouted but we'd never sleep on bad vibes, we always fixed each other.
    We both knew how much we loved each other, now we really aren't sure if we can deal with one another anymore.
    I had am abortion in 2011, which I spoke about in a previous post, and since then I've been severely depressed and down about everything, I'm ratty, sad, snappy, don't want to even open my eyes in the morning. My partner drifts around me and does his own thing, he drinks a dangerous amount and it's like we spit venom at one another when we speak, every conversation is pointless. We've both had a tremendous amount of bad luck in our lives before we met and during our time together. But lately (the past couple of years) I'm not me, not strong, fiesty, bubbly or loving. We try to speak about how we feel but picking the right time (when I'm not in a low mood and when he isn't drunk) is impossible and only makes things worse.
    I've been to the doctors about my depression, they tried treating it with pills but I need to deal with the pain not numb it, I've done that myself already for too long.
    I'm seeing a councillor in 2 days time, I'm nervous and unwilling to go but I know I need to.
    Anyone reading this will probably think it's my relationship with my partner that makes me feel like this, it tops it off but it isn't the main cause. We do love each other and I can't imagine life without him, he knows me inside and out and I him.
    However, he doesn't understand I can't just look after him right now, I need help.
    (She admits through gritted teeth)

  • I'm sorry you aren't getting any responses We are having serious site trouble right now, and are working on getting things in better order.

    In the meantime, I think the counselor is EXACTLY what you need. S/he can help you learn to work through your feelings in a healthy way. It sounds like your boyfriend needs some counseling as well though, especially for the excess drinking.

    I am happy to hear you are making positive steps (even though I know how hard it is to break down and visit a counselor!) and hope that it goes well for you tomorrow. Let us know!
    <center><i>Nature gives us shapeless shapes,<br>Clouds and waves and flame,<br>But human expectation is that love remains the same,<br>And when it doesn’t, we point our fingers and blame.</i><br><a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/register.php">Register</a>|<a href="http://www.womens-health.com/boards/members/little.html">Contact Admin</a>|<a href="mailto:support*womens-health.com?subject=Forum Contact">Email Admin</a></center>

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    • I would like to present to you a longer reply but I'm having difficulty with the web-site freezing as I type. Once this is fixed I'll try again with a reply to you. Please come back.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

      Comment


      • Oddly the site is working better than ever for me. :shrug:

        It's good you are going to counseling. That will probably help a lot more than pills. They should have offered counseling when you had your abortion. It might also help to go to couple's therapy and maybe you can get him to admit he has an alcohol problem. Convincing your partner to do that varies in difficulty though.

        Comment


        • I hope the counseling helps. Good luck and best wishes.
          I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
          ...
          Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

          From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

          Comment


          • So today was the day I had the chance to speak to a councillor, I got up, got dressed, got the letter out, read it over and over again, then as it started getting closer to the time I had to leave I started to busy myself; washing up, dusting, putting food on, digging out paper work. Finding excuses.
            I didn't even leave the house, I didn't even call them to let them know I can't come. I just sat indoors and cried all day, ate more than my weight in food, smoked a pack of 20 and waited for my partner to come home. He hugged me and ran me a bath which I sat in until it was cold.
            I bottled it
            I'm not sure I want to re-live and say out loud everything I think. Maybe keeping things inside is just what I need to continue doing?
            Clueless

            Comment


            • A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step (paraphrased Lao Tzu). When you are ready you will take that step.
              I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
              ...
              Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

              From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

              Comment


              • PPx,

                You stated that you don't want to "relive" the past and vocalize your thoughts. Maybe keeping things bottled up is what you need?

                Well, keeping the past bottled up is what has gotten you to this point and you acknowledge it's not a happy, healthy place to be. Going to a therapist does entail opening up and vocalizing the past. It can be painful and embarrassing, but I'm sure there is nothing you can say that they haven't heard before. They are trained to listen and help you learn how to deal with issues in a mature and healthy manner. Doing the same thing day in and day out, and expecting change, is not working.

                Dealing with issues, rather than ignoring, is often difficult, but don't you feel you're worth the investment? Living in torment from a painful past won't go away until you learn how to cope. Remember, you are re-living the past everyday, vocalizing your emotions is the first step to acceptance and healing.

                Comment

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