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I think I've finally lost my mind

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  • I think I've finally lost my mind

    I'm 38 years old, divorced for 5 years and have 2 kids. Every single relationship I've had since I was 17, I've OBSESSED and worried over my current boyfriend's ex. I don't stalk them or try to find info on them (although I do go through the boyfriends house to erradicate any trace of the ex and in doing that I find stuff that hurts and throw it out). It's more that I just hate that they had a past. Stupid, right? I had a past! I've loved before! My boyfriend now met someone 5 years ago. She moved in, then moved out a year or two later. Never engaged. They then had an on again off again relationship. He says she was crazy..alwas freaking out and fighting with him, silent treatment etc. So they broke up last January and didn't speak until September when he cAlled for her birthday. She thought the call was to ask her to come back and he said no, he couldn't go back to that relationship. She was mad and sAid he really messed her up by calling and he now knows it was a mistake to call her. I met him 4 days later. They don't speak. He has her number blocked (I asked him to thinking that might help me). He says he doesn't like her, in fact hates her. So what the heck is wrong with me?? Obviously if he wanted her back he would have done it in September! I know this is wrong, I know that I'm being crazy. I know I will ruin us if I keep this up. I know I am torturing myself! I think about her all day every day (I've seen pictures of her and cards they gave each other that were long forgotten about). It is KILLING ME. To the point where I think I should leave even though the relationship is perfect so far. By far the best one EVER. But, like I said, I've been like this with every boyfriend, so aside from being single, I don't know what to do. Please, someone tell me something that will hit home and make me stop this nonsense!!
    Think I had better post this on the mental health board too. Because obviously I'm insane.

  • I wonder if there are no replies to this yet because hardly anyone has advice to give. I think a lot of women are this way, at least I am. The problem with me is that I'm just so insecure. I'm constantly worrying that I'm not as good as the ex. But I KNOW it's just my low self esteem fueling the fire and NOT anything logical whatsoever. And thankfully confidence can be learned and acquired through practice. I've started taking measures to increase my confidence and its already working. Positive thoughts are becoming habit and my thoughts are way clearer. Maybe you could try to think more positive thoughts, and anytime you begin to worry or get wrapped up in thoughts about his ex and what their relationship might have been like and his thoughts towards her blah blah just think about one of your goals, instead! You literally CANNOT be unhappy when you think about a goal. When you develop more confidence your mind clears, and you'll probably realize that you're not jealous anymore, and if your boyfriend ever does anyone other than you then you can confidently think "What a loser, I'm way too good for him," instead of "holy ******** he doesn't love me whats wrong with me jfhgsabhafcgsjf." Hope this helped.

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    • What you really want is to know that you're #1 in his heart and in his mind. You do not want any other people to intrude upon your happiness with your boyfriends. What really are you afraid of? Are you afraid she will be prettier (there are probably lots of prettier girls out there) or perhaps you are afraid that she will be smarter, funnier, better in bed -- the list can go on and on. I think you need to stop and assess exactly what your assets are. You need to put into perspective that he and the ex broke up for a reason. You need to recognize that his past is his past and not your past.

      Should he be jealous of all your past relationships? I think you must work on accepting things as they are today. Work on not reflecting on any previous relationships. You are really insecure, it shows, and most men prefer secure confident women. If you start to act like one, even if you are just pretending at this point in time, you may find that this becomes fact for you. In other words, make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

      Comment

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