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I don't know how to get along with women

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  • I don't know how to get along with women

    Hi, I'm a college student and I have no friends. My whole life up until college I had the tightest group of best friends out there, but now I don't know how to get along with girls anymore. I'm not sure what happened. I feel confident talking to men, for the most part. But when it comes to girls, I have no idea how to interact! With men I can be relaxed and be myself and laugh. But with girls whenever I try to talk it's like they shun me immediately. In groups, I can feel all the girls mentally go against me at once. I'm put in this weird-girl category. I accept that the problem is me - I just don't know what it is about me or how to fix it. I really want some friends this year, I'm tired of just hanging out with my boyfriend and the cat all the time, lol. Please help?

  • Pink, how do you interact when you are in a group of people you don't know? If you are pretty and act extroverted, guys will interact with you. If you do the same thing with a group of girls, I could see them shutting you out.

    You may have to try to build friends amongst study friends and dorm friends if you live in a dorm. It can be tough at first building up a group of friends.
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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    • When you first hit University/College you are put into very much an adversarial situation. People are competing for the best grades, the Teaching Assistant spots, the right extra-curricular activities to make you popular, the competition for the right males. The other girls probably see you as a threat to their spot. What you need to do is find that one person with which you can be yourself with and with which your personality can come through. I too found that I could always make friends with the male side far easier than the female side both at school and at work and in my neighbourhood. It just always seemed to come naturally. But I did learn that I needed girlfriends to confide in, to gossip with, to go shopping with or just kick back and watch old movies with. I also find that all you (I) needed was that one friend. It's better to have one close friend that a bunch of superficial friends.
      That which we forget may as well never really happened.

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      • Originally posted by jns View Post
        Pink, how do you interact when you are in a group of people you don't know? If you are pretty and act extroverted, guys will interact with you. If you do the same thing with a group of girls, I could see them shutting you out.

        You may have to try to build friends amongst study friends and dorm friends if you live in a dorm. It can be tough at first building up a group of friends.
        I like all these ideas of girls thinking I'm awesome and being threatened ... But no, I'm actually very shy in groups and prefer to observe everyone talking and then chime in when I have something important to say. I'm very chill around most people. I do a lot of listening and try to give good advice when that's what the girl in question is asking for. I've considered that girls immediately think I don't like them because I'm not super bubbly, but i don't think that's it either because I'm still very compassionate and thoughtful about whoever I'm talking to. Sigh.

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        • Originally posted by Claret View Post
          When you first hit University/College you are put into very much an adversarial situation. People are competing for the best grades, the Teaching Assistant spots, the right extra-curricular activities to make you popular, the competition for the right males. The other girls probably see you as a threat to their spot. What you need to do is find that one person with which you can be yourself with and with which your personality can come through. I too found that I could always make friends with the male side far easier than the female side both at school and at work and in my neighbourhood. It just always seemed to come naturally. But I did learn that I needed girlfriends to confide in, to gossip with, to go shopping with or just kick back and watch old movies with. I also find that all you (I) needed was that one friend. It's better to have one close friend that a bunch of superficial friends.
          You're right I need to find one good friend! That's all I want! But so far it hasn't happened ...

          Comment


          • The boyfriend and the cat are underrated.

            Seriously tho, sometimes you have to just let it be. Ever 'tried' to find a boyfriend? It doesn't work. People will probably sense you 'trying' to find friends and back away from that as well. Social groups (especially among women) can get really clique-y, so outsiders often get rejected, even moreso if they press the issue.

            I'd wait for a friend or two to approach you organically (work, whatever other circles you move in), and if that doesn't happen, so what? You've got a man and cat, it's not like you're alone on a desert island.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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            • Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
              The boyfriend and the cat are underrated.

              Seriously tho, sometimes you have to just let it be. Ever 'tried' to find a boyfriend? It doesn't work. People will probably sense you 'trying' to find friends and back away from that as well. Social groups (especially among women) can get really clique-y, so outsiders often get rejected, even moreso if they press the issue.

              I'd wait for a friend or two to approach you organically (work, whatever other circles you move in), and if that doesn't happen, so what? You've got a man and cat, it's not like you're alone on a desert island.
              I'm on board with being approached organically. Unfortunately I've been waiting for a few years now. But like you said, I have a boyfriend and a cat lol

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              • I am the same way; I'm not as comfortable around girls my age as I am with guys, including my boyfriend. I've just decided that I'm not going to try finding female friends. They'll come along.

                But I'm super anxious and not excited about living in a dorm with someone else...

                Comment


                • I do not do girls as friends. Never have. I doubt it's all you. Young woman seem more likely to form cliches and gang up on anyone different than young men are. Not that they aren't without their issues either. I got pushed around and beat up junior high through high school by several immature guys simply because I didn't talk much and because of the gender riff in my small town school I had no friends. Girls were not friends with boys in my grade. I had issues starting as early as kindergarten where I'd end up sitting in the back of the group, slightly separated, because I would unconsciously walk down the desk rows to the side the boys were on and then find myself alone. I found it so much more relaxing and entertaining to listen to the guys talk even about stuff that didn't interest me and wished I could join in on some of the wilder ideas like the working catapult a group I knew built and shot watermelons and pumpkins from. Trying to interact with young woman was just a big gossip circle that annoyed me.

                  Comment

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