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Feeling Hopeless in Seattle

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  • Feeling Hopeless in Seattle

    I don't even know where to start?? These feeling of sadness will not go away.
    I had these dreams of being a grandma for years. As I have wrote before that dream came true and has been a total nightmare! My thoughts of grandparenting went something like this, I would see this precious baby 3-4 times a week, I would be able to rock her, sing to her, play patty cake, take her out and show her off, dress her in pretty little dresses that I made her. I even talked my husband out of moving to where I always wanted to move because I want to stay close by.
    What I got was a living hell starting from the first week this pretty baby was born. I have never cried so much in my life. Buying what they needed for the baby, thinking I was helping. I was called overbearing. I was given rules No visiting after 8pm, I work till 6:30 or 7 almost nightly. My son would give permission to do one thing mama would chew me out for doing it. I was and still am not allowed to take her anywhere. I was told I needed to learn my place or I could only visit this precious baby at their home. I can babysit only when I am asked, they has set one eve a week when mama has class, I am not told when they have made other plans and she won't be coming so I just sit and wait. Tonight I has asked 1/2 hour before they needed me, I went only because I want to see her. When I stand up for myself or question why on some issues, I was told "I will bring back everything you got her" Just when I think it couldn't get any worse mama slaps more rules on me. Just when I think things are clamed down mama causes more drama. I can not put my guard down if I think things are fine they are not.
    This has put so much strain on my son and my relationship it is breaking my heart. I love seeing "my princess" but truth be told I can not feel any kind of bond with my grand daughter out of fear, I don't call to check on her, I wasn't told when she hit the milestones, rolling over, crawling, saying dada or mama, pulling herself up ect.
    All of this is just madding, I wanted to see counselor. My husband says I'm just over seeing everything. There is just so much more to all of this, now a marriage soon and another baby on the way. I am just completely at a lose over it all. I really don't know my place, I don't know the rules and fear asking what they are this week. I just don't know. Any and all advise can only help me.

  • Truth be said, I am write this is one reason I have never spoke one word of this to anyone, but if I want answers I need to just spit it out. I can not live with all of her mama drama. I had for months been thinking of ending my life. I have the plan. My husband will move on I'm sure of that, My son has his daughter another on the way, and the thought of all the drama again with another baby, is causing so much fear in me. I hurt so much, I just cry out of the blue and am withdrawing from everything. The ONLY reason I haven't is because of my daughter. I don't want her to be alone and having to deal with the grief. I am a coward I hate the pain inside me, I hate that there is nothing I can do about it. I have told friends and family how hurtful all of this has been, I think they are tired of hearing me. That if I was gone then they would realize just how much pain I am in.


    • Please see a mental health professional right away. A plan for suicide is not healthy. Regardless of whether you see it now, there are so many people that love you. Suicide is not the answer.
      "The only consistent feature of all of your dissatisfying relationships is you." Despair.com "Dysfunction"


      • Oh sweet, dreams can be so real can't they? If they are dreamt often enough and when that dream doesn't turn out the way you've been seeing it over and over and over, it can be extremely painful, I can see that.

        I guess for them, they are first time parents as well. I promise with some understanding of how this may all work and that will come, it will work out.

        Do go see someone you wanted to, do it. You want to watch this princess grow up and call you grandma from her little lips as well as the next bubs...

        There is an answer for this one, there truly is.


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