I am concerned my fiance is addicted to porn.

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I am concerned my fiance is addicted to porn.

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  • I am concerned my fiance is addicted to porn.

    I've been with my Fiance for about 5 years now and I love him so much. I know that he used to watch porn before he met me and he told me he was exposed to it younger than he probably should of done, sharing a bedroom with an older brother, who put it on when he thought my partner was asleep. He also told me about a year ago he was molested as a child by a woman and never told anyone about it. He has depression, anxiety, adhd and tried to commit suicide at the age of 16. I've always been supportive and understanding, even though a lot of things were shocking, but I've always been there for him.

    Edit:** Sorry for the long post, I know this amount of text is daunting.**

    When we first started dating I expressed that the thought of him watching porn or nudity in films upset me. At first he said he wouldn't change anything about it, which upset me even more and make me think if it was worth perusing the relationship if he wouldn't even compromise or talk about it. Eventually he saw how upset it made me and promised he would avoid it as much as he could, but with it being in pretty much most movies now, it would be difficult to avoid and I understood as long as he didn't go out of his way to search for it, I know its hard to avoid. Over the years we had arguments, threats of leaving and running away from each other. Although he always promised me he doesn't watch porn anymore and even boasted about not watching it to people, when the subject came up about other peoples partners watching it.

    About a year ago I found hentai on his phone, our sex life was practically non existent and we were living at my parents so our relationship was at a very low point. Obviously I was upset, we talked about it, he felt really guilty and promised he wouldn't look at porn again. July this year me moved accommodation and I was still finding hentai on this phone, but I decided not to tell him and try ignore it. Eventually I started finding porn searches and thought I would ask him if he watches porn, but not tell him I found it, so to give him a chance to be honest, he denied that he watches it and got very defensive.

    After reading lots of forums, articles and blogs over the years we've been together, I've become a bit more understanding and have expressed this to him. That although I don't like him watching it, I understand why he might sometimes: because hes depressed and hes been doing it before we met, so of course he still wants to. Although I don't like it, i'm not as bothered as I used to be when we first met and would prefer if he would be honest to me, as that's more hurtful going behind my back and lying to my face, I'm not going to leave him over it. However he still denied that he watches it.

    about a month ago I found a porn folder on the computer, deleted it and didn't want to talk about it. Then two days ago I found another porn folder on the computer in frequent folders with the content deleted. I decided to ask him about it, I didn't accuse him, just asked where it came from, although I was certain it was him. he pretended he didn't know what it was, got really upset about it and tried blaming it on pop up adds downloading it. I wasn't bothered if he watched it i just wanted honesty from him. but yet again he denied it. I told him again I wasn't as bother anymore, yeah I don't like it and makes me upset, but i'm a bit more understanding now. He then became really confused of the sudden change of opinion from me and forgotten that I talked to him about it before and expressed theses feelings. He then started saying things like ''so what your saying is this whole time I could of been looking at stuff, hiding it from you, feeling really guilty about it, when you don't mind anymore'' and said he was getting angry that I didn't tell him sooner. That to me screams out I have been watching porn, lying about it and pretending i'm not watching it. He even said himself now it sounds like I've actually done it, then further going on to try prove he hasn't by saying it could be a virus, then doing a virus scan and going through browser history to prove dodgy adds pop up all the time anyway.

    I'm not sure what to do, I know he watches porn and I don't mind so much anymore, I hurts me more that hes constantly lying to me. I know he's probably afraid to tell me, worried I'll think differently of him or think i'll end up leaving him. But I told him I wouldn't leave him over this and he's still denying it. I want to talk to him about it more, because I just want him to be honest with me, I don't feel like I can trust him and I want to resolve the problem together rather than me coming to the internet for advice, but how can I talk to him if he keeps lying. I'm also worried if he keeps lying to me, that he's become addicted as it already affects the relationship. I also found search results of famous scantily dressed cosplayers (people who dress up as characters) and I am now worry It goes beyond a porn addiction, if hes fantasizing about real people. Should I tell him I found more porn before? or should I tell him that even though we talked about it the other day, i'm still feeling paranoid about it and don't feel like I can trust him? (especially since the way he said some things makes it sound like he has been)

  • A relationship can overcome a lot of flaws and issues. I don't think lying is one of them - not when it's ongoing and blatant.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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