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LACK OF LOVE! Please Help.

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  • LACK OF LOVE! Please Help.

    Hi there! I have a burning question, one that has plagued me for years and really need to know what’s normal. I am a 35 year old female with four kids, married for 11 years. I can only feel love or a connection on days 8-14 of my cycle. I am super aware that higher estrogen and testosterone are peaking at this point. Then after ovulation, I feel nothing or quite the opposite. I know many females have this issue with their libido but mine is connected to my “in love” feelings also. After ovulation, I can have a good libido on certain days but can feel any love or connection. So... days 14-28, I have zero attraction or want for love. My husband and I can’t have a real relationship because of this. It’s devastating. I feel like connection and libido are two different things. Why are my hormones dictating my “love” or “connection?” Does anyone else experience this?

  • #2
    Giana, you're only talking about the romantic connection, right? You do love your children, parents, friends, etc., other days, right? If so, do you love your husband as a friend/family on those days?

    Your issue sounds unique, but romantic attachment is sexual for all of us. I sometimes struggle with that fact myself.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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    • #3
      I've been thinking about this since I saw your post yesterday. Hormones are powerful, no doubt about it. About 3 yrs ago, I had such a shift in hormones, I wasn't myself for many months. I wasn't right mentally or physically. I never underestimate what hormones could do.

      Have you ever had your levels checked? How long has this been happening?
      If you're interested in treating any low levels, I strongly suggest dietary changes and homeopathic, natural remedies with herbs. Many work, and are much safer than anything many docs encourage.

      I think in a sense, you just have to "do it anyway". Just because you don't feel it particularly strongly, doesn't mean it isn't there. Sort of the "fake it til you make it" thing. All of us have that, to some extent, I think. Your swing may be more wide because of hormones being unbalanced to start with. And by this, I mean to encourage you to act as though you do feel it as strongly.

      Also, have you thought of speaking with a counselor, or psychologist? No, not because I think you're mentally ill, but because sometimes they can really help us get things in perspective, and understand what is happening. It's the one thing I wish I'd done 3 yrs ago. In your case, I'd probably opt for a psychologist, because they will have a better understanding of the medical side, than a LPC. Generally speaking.

      Hope that is helpful.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
        "fake it til you make it"
        As someone that's been married a while now and has talked to a lot of long-time married couples, I have to say that I think every marriage involves quite a bit of this. It's next to impossible to be "in love" all the time. You just have to love on principle during those periods.
        "Those sowing seed with tears
        Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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