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Quitting new job after baby? Really need advice!

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  • Quitting new job after baby? Really need advice!

    Sooo, I've ran into a dilemma with child care. It's a little long but I really need some sound advice and opinions!

    I am due for my first baby on February 8th, 2014 (yaye!)... well I started a new job in September because the stress of my old job was getting way out of hand and I wanted something more steady and with better pay. My mother offered to watch my baby while I worked 20 hours a week and told me I should take this job. I offered to pay her and she refused to take money.

    Well shortly after I started my new job, my folks separated and my dad moved out. My mom said she needs to start worrying about herself now and won't be able to watch my baby at all. Great... I told my manager when I got hired, that I was pregnant but planning to come back because childcare was all set up already... and now it's not. My mom and I aren't even talking anymore due to other issues.

    We would rather eat Ramen Noodles every night than put our baby in day care. Even if we found a good one we trusted, the cost outweighs it being worth me working. I'd be working just to pay for childcare pretty much. My boyfriend can't switch his shift to a night one either, so my only option at this point is leaving instead of going on maternity leave. It'll be tight but we can manage.

    Now I'm worried on how to leave or even bring it up. I can't quit right now, if I can work... I'd rather make some money while I can and plus they need me through the holiday season! My manager is a bit scary at times, she can be quite blunt and outspoken. A full time teller who has been there for 3 years is transferring to a different branch for a different position on Monday... and management at our branch has been giving her crap constantly; not always in a joking manner either. She's expressed to another part time teller that "you can't quit this place, they guilt trip you forever!"... GREAT. After seeing someone who was once close with management, get booted out for TRANSFERRING... it's really made me feel terrified to quit! But I have no choice!

    At first I thought, well I will just take 4 weeks of maternity leave, and shortly after I have my baby; bring in my notice that I won't be returning with my keys while my manager is out at lunch to avoid conflict and questions. I feel its taking the easy way out but I am afraid of how it will be there if I do give a good amount of notice and work until my end date. I have been through a lot in my pregnancy already, I don't need more stress!

    My boyfriend said to do whatever makes me most comfortable; legally I don't have to give them notice but I HATE lying to people and letting people down like this. I had intentions of staying for years, I enjoy my job
    It sucks every time someone brings up 'when you come back from leave'... uhg, because I know I won't be back, one way or another. I hate hiding crap!

    Should I tell my manager now that in January I will have to quit... wait until January to tell her... or wait until I'm already on leave? I don't get any benefits at all; so that's not a concern. I will be ending my 90 day probation period towards the end of December, so I thought of during my review with her, tell her then and explain that this is the last thing I want to do but I'm left without a choice and wanted to give as much notice as I can... but I dunno. I am afraid things will just be sour until I'm gone... I don't want to look like a liar. My first thought is they will think I just got this job as a temp job until my baby comes and now I'm bailing.

    The only plus side being part time, it wont be impossible to replace me. It's a slow time when I'll be leaving and I don't have any special responsibilities that someone else will have to be specially trained on. I just come to work, process transactions, and thats about it.
    { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

  • Don't mention you are leaving until you stop working. Then you can tell her that the childcare fell through and you won't be able to come back. To be nice, you can do it when you go on maternity leave so they don't hold your job 4 weeks only to find out you won't be coming back. also, you don't want to quit in advance. You probably won't be able to collect FMLA if you already quit. So you could tell your boss unofficially that you won't be coming back, but don't put it in writing until after you get your 6 weeks of FMLA pay. If you are afraid of her, tell her after you have the baby. Send her a picture of the baby and say you are leaving. how can somebody be mad looking at a cute baby.
    Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

    Comment


    • Haha I think you're route might be a good idea. I don't plan to collect benefits or anything, not even sure how to anyways. I just don't want to make things so weird and take a chance of getting cornered every time I come into work.

      I think if I just put my notice in that "for personal reasons, I will not be returning" after the baby's here, they can't accuse me of anything. They don't know if it's health issues or living situations.
      { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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      • You might be creating some ill will by doing that though. She can't run you down to future employers without risking trouble, but there's a lot to be said in what's not said. Your next prospective employer might call her and ask how you were and get a "no comment" reply, or just a verification of your employment dates. That's not to say she'd automatically praise you just because you were straight up with her, but I'd personally go the honesty route anyway.
        [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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        • You are right but what if something really did happen after I went on leave and at that point I realized I wouldn't be able to come back? I've always been honest with employees but this just seems like a pretty tricky thing.
          { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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          • Not sure what you mean, hon ...I'm saying I would tell her now what your situation and plans are. It may not work out ideally for you in practical terms, but it's the best way as far as not misleading anybody and keeping your head held high.
            [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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            • Originally posted by jen1447 View Post
              Not sure what you mean, hon ...I'm saying I would tell her now what your situation and plans are. It may not work out ideally for you in practical terms, but it's the best way as far as not misleading anybody and keeping your head held high.
              See I disagree. It's possible that childcare arrangements may change and you will be able to go back to work. February is a long time away. It's not misleading. It is pretty standard practice for a pregnant woman not to disclose her plan until actually going on leave, so this should not come as a surprise. If this boss is vindictive enough to cause problems with references, especially for something that is pretty standard practice, she is very likely to do so regardless of when notice was given. In addition, it sounds like there is a history of her making life miserable for people who leave. I think it's better to keep the peace for the next few months and not get yourself stressed over this. Or course, only you know what your boss if really like.

              Remember, she also may decide to fire you immediately, especially if she happens upon another possible candidate.
              Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose - Kris Kristofferson and Fred Foster (sung by Janis Joplin)

              Comment


              • Originally posted by sp346 View Post
                See I disagree. It's possible that childcare arrangements may change and you will be able to go back to work. February is a long time away. It's not misleading. It is pretty standard practice for a pregnant woman not to disclose her plan until actually going on leave, so this should not come as a surprise. If this boss is vindictive enough to cause problems with references, especially for something that is pretty standard practice, she is very likely to do so regardless of when notice was given. In addition, it sounds like there is a history of her making life miserable for people who leave. I think it's better to keep the peace for the next few months and not get yourself stressed over this. Or course, only you know what your boss if really like.

                Remember, she also may decide to fire you immediately, especially if she happens upon another possible candidate.
                That's my biggest concern, is I will be replaced asap if I give notice now. Ideally, I'd like to just go up to her and apologize for having to leave but things could change from then to now; whether if my boyfriend (however very unlikely) was to lose his job or a family member offering to watch her for less than $200 a week; they don't have to give me notice to get rid of me and wouldn't.

                My co-worker's last day was today... lets just say she had a big smile on her face all the way from giving me a hug, to walking to her car lol. I think if I do give notice, I'm gonna wait until late December/early January.
                You both are perfectly right in two different ways, which is why making a choice on this has been tough.

                My boyfriend kinda said, to just wait until I go on leave... maybe the day before I go. Leave an envelope address to my manager with my keys and a letter slightly explaining that life has changed and I won't be able to return and apologize for the lack of more notice. He said, regardless they are going to have to cover me during leave... they can't ******** me to hell to the next employer when I did give notice; I could just not show up when leave is done. That'd be very wrong.

                But I don't know. I'm trying to keep emotions out of this, and my boyfriends trying to tell me that it's not MY problem they aren't properly staffed in case ANY of the tellers have to leave. And he's right. It's a part time gig and $350 every two weeks isn't anything to be too worked up over leaving. I just worry too much of letting people down or people being angry at me lol.
                { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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                • Those are great points, sp346. I love that there's so much good solid female wisdom here and that we share it nurturingly.
                  [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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                  • Me too, a lot of good advice thanks you two
                    { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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                    • Based on your other thread about your mother, I don't suggest you leave your child with her even if she changes her mind. She does not respect your boundaries, and that can lead to all kinds of trouble with child rearing.

                      Absolutely keep quiet about leaving. I wouldn't suggest this in every situation, but it sounds like your work environment is toxic - no matter how much better it might be than your previous situation - and explaining your plans would only lead to exactly the kind of trouble you're predicting. You already know that your boss gives trouble to people who transfer or quit. I assume this means even after they are long gone? That is an HR nightmare waiting to happen. If this is a large company you're working for (bank, based on your job titles?) somebody needs to be reporting all this harassment to the higher-ups.

                      Don't assume that just because something is illegal that they won't do it. Also don't assume that just because something is against company policy that they won't do it, either. They might give you a bad review to future employers, regardless of the notice you give or don't give, just because you left. They might fire you for being pregnant even though that is a protected status under ADA. They don't seem to mind harassing workers, so assume any other rule/law is fair play as long as they don't think they'll get caught. And depending on your state laws, they might be able to spin it so it looks like they're in the right, too.

                      I agree with sp346, you never know what will change between now and February (though I strongly suggest again not to depend on your mother for child care,) and there may be a way for you to return after leave. You can't be certain. Personally, I thought I wouldn't be returning to my job after my son was born, but it turned out that I needed to come back for about a month before becoming a SAHM. Keeping your options open isn't dishonesty
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                      • Yeah I'm not relying on my mom at all. Soon as things fell apart recently we both agreed that it's not a good idea to even consider that option.

                        Things could change but I highly doubt they will and at this point, I've mentally prepared for being a SAHM; can't imagine leaving my baby unless it was absolutely necessary. We may have to move closer to his work shortly after she's born anyways. I'm gonna just keep it quiet. They bring up too much about people leaving and I don't think it'll be a pretty time.

                        I think I'm gonna just drop off my keys and letter explaining some uncontrollable life changes have occurs and I won't be coming back, apologize for not being able to give more notice, and thank her for the opportunity.
                        It's not their business and I know if I told her what's going on she's going to be on my butt about finding a day care and I'm going to argue with someone about choices pertaining my child.

                        I'm glad people see my reasoning for not wanting to give notice prior. It's not a hostile environment, she is nice... she's just good at making people feel uncomfortable and wrong. Often correcting us in front of co workers, co workers being told on the side what another employee screwed up (that happened to me Friday, did not appreciate that one bit). Just been a bit ridiculous with gossip and making people afraid to leave.
                        { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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                        • Sorry for incorrect and missing words. Stupid iPhone!
                          { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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                          • So I'm getting fed up with the comments and jokes about me coming back after baby. It's nearly everyday my boss brings it up. It's getting annoying and uncomfortable. Today I about said something.

                            We were talking about how fast the weeks gone and she goes "soon Christmas will be here... New Years... Your baby! Then you'll be back the very next day!" Then she starts asking if I'm excited which I said yeah, just hasn't hit me yet and we talked about the hospital stay and how I couldn't leave my baby up there alone if they had to keep her for a few extra days... That I'm not even letting them take her to the nursery while we are there. She made a joke about putting a crib in the back to make sure I come back.

                            I gotta deal with this for another 2.5 months?!
                            { Wit beyond measure is a lady's greatest treasure }

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                            • If you decided on the keep-it-secret approach, unfortunately yes.
                              [FONT=Trebuchet MS][COLOR="#800080"][B][SIZE=4]Woman trapped inside a woman's body![/SIZE][/COLOR][/B][/FONT]

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