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Very lost and scared after having sex for the first time

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  • Very lost and scared after having sex for the first time

    Hello everyone,

    I apologize in advance for the lengthiness of this post.

    I am 18 years old and last week I had sex for the first time with a guy I met on Tinder (dating app). We had hung out once before having sex. The first time we met was at his place and we had a really nice time. At one point things escalated: we made out, he fingered me (which hurt a lot because I never wear tampons and I never finger myself when I masturbate, only clitoral stimulation), went down on me and I gave him a blowjob. I normally don't do anything on a first date, I have very specific standards, but I just felt like having fun and dropping those standards for a night because the only time I had ever done anything with a guy was years before. He wanted to have sex but I said no, I wasn't ready to lose my virginity to someone I barely knew. We cuddled, talked a lot, watched some Youtube etc. and I went home in the morning. It was a very positive experience and I did not regret it. The next day, after thinking for a long time, I texted him saying I wanted to have sex with him. I just felt very comfortable around him. We made plans to meet up again at his place later on in the week. When the evening came, we just hung out for a while before making out. After making out he wanted to have sex right away, no foreplay. He didn't finger me or go down on me. I thought it was a little risky because I knew it would hurt a lot but I went with it anyway. He also did not want to put a condom on. He said that if he put one on it would hurt me more as he would not know how deep he is. I asked him to put one on anyway and he did. He tried putting his penis in me but it didn't work, I was too tight. I was aroused and wet, but also scared. I was very tense which made it even harder for him to put it in. I asked him to stop and wait for a minute but he didn't listen and put me on my stomach. I asked him to wait again but he still didn't listen. He then forced his penis inside me from behind and it was the most painful thing I had ever felt. I screamed and cried and he put his hand over my mouth. He also took the condom off. There was nothing I could do because his entire weight was on me. He stopped for a while, held me and said he was proud of me. Then he wanted to do it again but I begged him not to. Again, he did not listen and did it anyway, it was just as painful as the first time, and again, he had no condom on. I kept asking him when he was done and when he was going to cum, I begged him to stop but it lasted a while. Then he finally came on my leg. I was exhausted, I didn't know how to feel. I went home on my bike (I'm a student in Amsterdam and biking everywhere here is very common) which was obviously awful. In the morning I was very sore. I started noticing that my discharge smelled different and was more abundant. I normally find that I have a very pleasant smell down there but this time it smelled "fishy" which I had never experienced before. It was also a little itchy. As the days went on, the smell did not get any better and my discharge was still more abundant than it usually is. My discharge was also slightly tainted with blood on some occasions throughout the day. Today, I feel like the smell has lessened and is almost back to normal but I noticed little bumps around my vulva while I was showering. I decided to take a hand mirror and take a look. I saw red bumps around my vulva and a few on my labia. Then I tried spreading my labia to take a look inside and I noticed blood and blister-like sores with a yellowish tint on the inside of my vagina. When I saw that I started crying. I feel very scared and naive. I'm usually very smart about these things. What I thought would be a good first time turned into me getting raped and maybe even getting an STI. I know I should see a gynecologist but I am currently unable to do that since I need to see a general practitioner first who will then send me to a gynecologist as I don't have a gynecologist yet, and the soonest I can see my general practitioner is in 10 days (I already have an appointment with him for something else). I'm very lost and scared right now so I came to this website for help. Has anyone had these blisters and bumps before? What should I do? Any help will be greatly appreciated.

    Thank you all in advance.

  • TheSketchyGirl it is good that you reached out for help!

    Here are my thoughts:

    1) You should keep your appt with your general practitioner, and try and move up the appointment immediately if you can and/or see an OBGYN immediately without waiting if it is possible -- what do they do in your country for emergencies?
    Whatever that action step is, take it now.

    If you have an STI or other trauma, getting it diagnosed, checked and remedied quickly is going to save you potentially from a lot of problems or issues and possible irreversible damage to your reproductive system.

    I am not a doctor, but it sounds like what you might be experiencing could be anything from a yeast infection, to an STI, to trauma from having sex for the first time and possibly tearing your hymen, and damaging your vaginal canal - especially in such a rough manner.

    2) After saying that, it is with deep sadness that I wanted to say how sorry I am for what you went through.
    Especially being your first time, this is very disheartening.

    Please make sure that you talk about this with your gynecologist, friends and family that you trust and also someone professional (counselor, psychologist, etc.) that can help you work through the feelings you are having so that you can properly cope and deal with the entire ordeal in a healthy way to heal and move forward -- which might seem impossible right now.

    3) You are a strong and open-minded woman. Don't lose your spirit, kindness and openness because some guy could not control himself, listen to you and respect your body.

    Take all the time that you will need to heal mentally, emotionally and physically from this entire ordeal, and know that there are lots of women (unfortunately) that have had similar experiences.

    Don't let this event dictate your outlook on sex, men, society or instill fear within you that alters who you are and your experience of the world.

    Please let us know how things have gone, what you determined and what the doctors told you as we really care about you and how you are doing.

    Thank you so much for your courage in sharing what you did.

    Comment


    • First, I just want to say how deeply sorry I am that this happened to you. You did not, in any way deserve anything that happened to you that night. I am so glad to hear you say that you know you were raped...because you were absolutely raped by this poor excuse for a man. The SECOND you said "no" or "stop" or anything even remotely similar, he lost consent. Even if you said "yes" a hundred times....it only takes one "no" for consent to be withdrawn.

      I don't blame you for being very concerned. What you're experiencing could be simple irritation, it could be a yeast or bacterial infection, or it could be, as you mentioned, an STI or STD. Are you able to visit any sort of walk-in clinic? It sounds like your insurance views an OBGYN as a specialist, requiring referral....but what about a clinic or urgent care?

      So yes...lets first get your physical health assessed as quickly as possible. But don't forget about your mental and emotional health. You've gone through and are still going through something very traumatic that no person should ever have to experience. Do you have someone in your life who you can trust and talk about this with? You mentioned being a student...and I work at a university so I'm familiar with student support options many uni's offer. We offer free counseling and therapy for students, rape/sexual assault support, etc. Please check into this....get some help. You are worth it. Your health is worth it. Your future is worth it.

      Please come back and let me know how you're doing.



      "Be what you're looking for."

      Comment


      • I'm sorry this happened to you. First time sex should be a magical experience, not something brutal. I don't consider him a man, just a male who has more in common with male dogs than with real men. Jonny and Ashlee have left some good comments.
        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
        ...
        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

        Comment

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