question on masterbation,men please comment also

[laney]

inquisitive1

thanks for the advice,and yes he does have some anger issues.talking to someone would probably help me even though you know if you have read anything i have written i dont want to pay someone to do that but im going to have to suck it up.i dont want his anger issues to effect my life and how could they not.thanks again

[Mourningman]

Thanks laney but I really don't need to vent my stuff that much, for me its just become the way my life is going and I have accepted it however frustrating it is. I think I am jealous of folks that have a good sex life and I try to figure what is wrong with mine.Do I blame me or her that is what I ask myself. But like you said going to a therapist for marraige problems seems like paying someone to listen to me complain and accomplished not much.I think they are for people with no friends.Friends would tell you to s%%t or get off the pot and stop whinning ya know. BTW she is on bc pills to keep the period days to a minimum. I wonder if all the years on them has killed her libido drive.

[inquisitive1]

inquisitive1,i have tried to talk to him and he ends up getting mad.when i confronted him about the time he did it when i was asleep on the couch he denied it.when i pointed out the evidence and asked him why he lied he got mad.i wasnt confronting him in a bad way.hed call me on it if he busted me but not in a bad way.i can not stand being lied to.there is no realrelationship if there is no trust...in my book inway.we have been to counseling and he refused to go anymore cursing to me about our counselor.thats when we seperated.he has an issue i am not sure what you would call it.

he has no patience blows up easily and can not handle pressure.

these are things even his family has admitted to me about.i take controll and care of pretty much everything so he doesnt have a fit,but he still blows up the more i do the less things change.i just end up stressed out and exhausted.mentally and emotionally.im not sure how much longer i can handle this.anyway we have been back together for almost two years.with quite a few ups and downs.

Hello laney-

Please forgive my late response to you as I did not notice this post addressed to me without a quote attached to it. I do not envy you....as you are in quite a situation. You have shared multiple issues in your relationship that need attention. The lack of patience and blowing up issues you described are generally referred to as anger management issues. It is usually very difficult to repair and/or improve a relationship without both people willing to put in the work. Perhaps you should consider counseling for yourself even if he does not initially or ever attend sessions with you. You would probably benefit from this. Just being able to talk this out in depth with someone on a regular basis will probably help you....a lot. I wish I had some magic words to make this all go away and be great for you....but I do not. I hope this helps you. Take care.

[C]

carolwh-thanks for the reply my husband and i have a very healthy sex life.i was just wondering what goes on in the head of those men sometimes.the unknown is sometimes intreaging,ya know.mourningman ya here take this b.p. pill for the sex were not having.hahajust kidding srah i know were all just trying to help just wanted to get a laugh.mourning man i dont know what gives.were all a fish in a bowl just trying to make it.ill tell you one thing quacks in my opinion are just that.if you need someone to listen i will.you can look me up on the member list and send me messages from their or whatever.i dont miond listening and i wont charge you.from my expierence they cant even fix their own problems they just listen to you and point your out.anyone can do that.i can listen to my own self talk and figure out what the hell to do.sometimesif i could allt hetime i wouldnt have started this thread but i couldnt imagine talking aloud about masterbation to myself.good luck tonight.look forward to hearing how its going.lol

You could not be saying a more true statement. They read out of books. Many of them can hardly read before they start. A good deal have never had sex. Most try and give advice when they do not know what end is up. Then they call themselves a Sex Therapist. Doctors know nothing. They are trained in doctoring. Why in hell doesn't each city have a meeting of women in different locations that can talk sexually about life and what they go through. I know for a fact that when a man ages too much masturbation and he wears himself out. So what does this leave for his wife in need. He is beat. He took care of his cookies and she is sitting in the corner with her legs crossed and grinding and trying to fix herself.

I after all these years am still his hot lover. I can say without any reservation to any woman here, what ever you can do I can do. And do believe me I do. Not to brag but to say this is the secret of a hell of a sexual marriage...You just can't let it die out and try and rekindle it. Frequent sex makes frequent sex and boy does that make you smile a lot.....Now I must make dinner and give out candy to all the kids......Last year we had 225 of them...

[laney]

carolwh-thanks for the reply my husband and i have a very healthy sex life.i was just wondering what goes on in the head of those men sometimes.the unknown is sometimes intreaging,ya know.mourningman ya here take this b.p. pill for the sex were not having.hahajust kidding srah i know were all just trying to help just wanted to get a laugh.mourning man i dont know what gives.were all a fish in a bowl just trying to make it.ill tell you one thing quacks in my opinion are just that.if you need someone to listen i will.you can look me up on the member list and send me messages from their or whatever.i dont miond listening and i wont charge you.from my expierence they cant even fix their own problems they just listen to you and point your out.anyone can do that.i can listen to my own self talk and figure out what the hell to do.sometimesif i could allt hetime i wouldnt have started this thread but i couldnt imagine talking aloud about masterbation to myself.good luck tonight.look forward to hearing how its going.lol

[SaraSmile]

Believe me laney I sat in the counselors office and heard her say to him isn't it normal to "like the one" your doing it with. WOW I even said to him whats a guy to do. That course of action did nothing for us. With 2 kids, that i absolutley never want to grow up and because I like them as they are, is the main reason i stay in a the marraige.I just am at a loss and don't know what the heck to do.
Some of you gals get crazy horney in your 40's and others just wither on the vine.What gives.

Well, if she is in her 40's, I would suggest being on the pill. It makes me very hot. Of course, I am not sure what your marital problems are, if they are more than just sexual,-- but the pill does make me feel like I'm as young as I want sexually.

[C]

carolinewh,i hope your not talking about me because if you are painfull needing as she does does not pertain to me at ALL.and this is an old post im sure shes not around anymore,im not a hundred years old,i still check my posts and messages.i believe you need to read this from start to finish.im not doing without at all.my husband and i have a great sex life.i had four orgasms the other night in a matter of an hour and we our currently practicing tantric sex.the part about not getting it up anymore well hes 30 thats not a problem.i was simply wondering why men do it,and feel like they have to hide it.i dont hide it from him.but im glad for your concern just please understand me when i say you dont have to feel sorry for me.i have a WONDERFULL sex life.i think you just misunderstood.lol

I am sorry. Only now do I realize that I probably was referring to an old post. I also did not realize that you were not that troubled.....

Your husband is still young and many young couples masturbate. We never did. Maybe we were the odd ones on this.

I can only tell you that as you age you are going to want more loving and man sex. You need the filling and the masturbation that you do may not suffice. You need the cavity filling for satisfaction and orgasm. I know. I am there. It is so important for a woman to work with her man already in these early ages of her marriage. Soon he slows down and she is just starting to get on her horse to gallop. I would say try and turn him on as much as you can.

[Mourningman]

Believe me laney I sat in the counselors office and heard her say to him isn't it normal to "like the one" your doing it with. WOW I even said to him whats a guy to do. That course of action did nothing for us. With 2 kids, that i absolutley never want to grow up and because I like them as they are, is the main reason i stay in a the marraige.I just am at a loss and don't know what the heck to do.
Some of you gals get crazy horney in your 40's and others just wither on the vine.What gives.

[rcoreyus]

SOmetimes when I read these threads I think my sex life and marraige is such a dud that I am married to a headcase.Then at other times I think she may be having affairs all over the place,What is a guy to think when his woman does not want any part of sex and is sexless with him (like me).I am very a sensual guy who is a great kisser and body rub expert feet and backs are a specialty,but I would also like some recipitation.
Not knowing who i am it may easy for some to think I am an ugly incompetant lover who does nothing but complain about my lack of sex.But at 45 years young and after a 6 visits with a counselor to "talk about my issue with my marraige" it is very dissapointing to be living this way.Whats a guy to do? Sit around and wait it out? I have been waiting and wanting for too long.Dancing with myself is not a healthy outlet. I want to be wanted not pacified.

I think your situation is pretty common - it matches mine for example. There is an old joke about being married, that when you have sex you know it is time to pay the rent, and when you have oral sex it is time to renew your drivers license.

I love my wife, but does she have the right to make me live like a monk for the rest of my life? Should I divorce her over this one issue? Personally I won't cheat do to a misplaced sense of honor, but I would have no objections to someone else who did under these circumstances.

I'm not sure thearapy helps under these circumstances - some people just seem to have no interest in sex. I know my wife masturbates - (though she hides it), so maybe she physically enjoys sex - just not with me, or not with men?

[laney]

Mourningman,im sorry to hear about your situation.i can only speak for my self and know very little about your situation.i would not want to be with a partner who didnt want to be intimate.thats what makes a marriage.take that out and your basically rooming together if not worse because you said"counceling only made the two of you argue even more".ask your self what do you have left?ask her if shes in love with you?speaking for myself the only way i could not be intimate is if i didnt love him anymore and i found him repulsive.im just trying to give advice here,i come from a large family of women and have plenty of friends and have seen this before.by anymeans i hope you take none of this personally just with an open mind.im wishing you the best of luck,please let me know how its going.