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Squirting is ruining my sex life

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  • Snowy_pines
    replied
    Hi there, I am hoping I can help. I joined this site just because I have insight and want to help. I am 39 years old. I have never been a squirter, well that was until right before the pandemic hit. I had a pretty glim sex life for a decade before the pandemic started due to some health issues and as I started to put myself out there again, I also started exploring. I met a couple and we had sex and she was a squirter, first one I had ever been with (I have been with a few women in the past). And after my encounter with her it dawned on me that I likely was a squirter and this was due to the sensation I feel every time I orgasm. Since I started having sex, I have always had to work very hard to not "pee" when I came and I did and always had these amazing, mind blowing orgasms. Well, that night after we were together I went home and played with myself in my bathtub until I squirted. I relaxed all my muscles and when the sensation of me having to pee came up, instead of clenching and pushing past the "pee", I let it flow. My post orgasm bathroom breaks were always clear and forceful and way more liquid than any normal pee and I had started to wonder about that a few months prior to meeting this couple as well. So, it happened. I realized I was a squirter and while it was really fun for a few months and it drew some heavy male attention on the sex positive website I was using to meet new partners, after a while it became a chore, it made my privates feel overstimulated and like I had to pee all the time and it made my orgasms weaker, all in all, I realized I hated it. So began my mission to try and undo what I had done and it is working. I took a break from sex, even playing with myself and now when I do play with myself, I go back to trying to avoid it. This always made me feel awkward and funny and so many men tell me to relax when I am orgasming but they do not realize that to relax is to ruin my orgasm. SO, hopefully this helps. Perhaps you can learn to control it too. Just squeeze your privates when you are about to orgasm, sometimes this means I have to stop mid stimulation to gain control, but the idea is that you have control, you just have to practice. Good Luck and believe me, I am the only person I know who has control over this and I think it is because I started out controlling it. Other women and maybe yourself included, don't even feel like they have to pee when they orgasm, so I am no expert, but wanted to share what I do know. Wish you all the best!

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  • Monique Kova
    replied
    I am deeply saddened by the fact you are made to feel embarrassed for such a natural and wonderous experience. Many women wish they could squirt during sex and a great deal of men are quite turned on about it. My husband thinks squirting is the holy grail of orgasms (especially during oral) and thankfully I never let him down. We both enjoy the feeling of being soaked and especially love the taste (yes he shares with me, lol).

    I'm now in my fifties and sex has never been better. The "wet bed" part is merely a slight inconvenience for us and throwing down an extra layer of blankets or towels we keep nearby is a quick solution. I seriously doubt it would cause any damage to your mattress in the mean time.

    I seriously hope you don't deprive yourself of having a squirting orgasm and strive to have the most powerful ones possible. Great sex is having the ability to unleash one's body and succumb to whatever it decides to do. The most bothersome part is how you got upset and he seemed to have brushed it off (that's how I read your post anyway) especially since he used enjoyed it in the past.

    Only he can answer that but in the mean time, stand tall and be proud girl! If sex is not important in your life, then you may have to stick with self-pleasuring. On the other hand, if this continues to bother you, then you should both address it with a professional sooner rather than later. If you already haven't done so already, your resentment will continue to build until the emotional damage is beyond repair. I wish you luck.

    Leave a comment:


  • DoggoLover
    replied
    I'm also wondering if you were able to resolve things or find some sort of solution, MandyA. I hope so!

    As Wednesday L.F. said, there are sex blankets that could definitely help if you or your partner are worried more about the cleanup. It's a natural and normal thing, and I do think as women we tend to internalize these types of things more. We already feel like we have to meet so many standards, and since we can't control squirting, it's not as if there's a real "solution."

    I will say that if you're having issues with urinary incontinence in general (which is different from squirting, but also not something that's purposeful), seeing a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor therapy can be helpful. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can help you gain better control of those muscles. I'm not sure if it'd be recommended if you only feel like squirting is a problem because again, it is normal, but you could always bring it up with your OB/GYN or primary care doctor. It is awkward to talk about those kinds of things, but a good doctor definitely won't judge and will want to help if possible.

    I hope you know that there's no reason to feel ashamed of your body. I get that our bodies can be annoying sometimes, and I also get that everyone has different preferences sexually, but I'd consider talking to your partner about ways you can get pleasure from sex that you both love and enjoy, because that is important, too.

    Leave a comment:


  • FeelingWeird
    replied
    Originally posted by Wednesday L.F. View Post
    I was working on an article and saw that Liberator and a few other companies make actual “sex blankets” designed specifically to protect bedding. Apparently they’re super absorbent and thin enough not to tax a washing machine. I didn’t know that existed, but maybe it’s a potential solution.
    Someone on another site told me about these not long ago! I am thinking about getting one so I can finally masturbate in bed LOL.

    Leave a comment:


  • Wednesday L.F.
    replied
    I was working on an article and saw that Liberator and a few other companies make actual “sex blankets” designed specifically to protect bedding. Apparently they’re super absorbent and thin enough not to tax a washing machine. I didn’t know that existed, but maybe it’s a potential solution.

    Leave a comment:


  • FeelingWeird
    replied
    I squirt too, every time I have an orgasm from any kind of physical stimulation. I have only had a couple of partners and they liked it, so I never had an issue like this. It is frustrating for me because the mess makes masturbation difficult. I am sorry this happened to you. I know it can't be controlled--I have tried too--and it sucks to not be accepted the way you are.

    Leave a comment:


  • Wednesday L.F.
    replied
    I'm sad to think that any woman is made to feel ashamed or embarrassed by a natural function of the body. I mean, male ejaculate is like salty snot and no one is telling them they should control it or protect the mattress at all costs.

    Finding out that a partner is unhappy with some aspect of your sex life sucks. I've totally been there, and I tend to internalize stuff like that so much that it impacts my enjoyment of sex altogether. If nothing else, I hope you're finding ways to work through that so you can enjoy each other again.

    This might sound ridiculous, but using a "puppy pad" under the fitted sheet can be an inobtrusive way to protect your bed from fluids. The Arm & Hammer brand doesn't have the pet attractants that most pads have. It's just a large square that will hold a surprising amount of liquid, sort of like a maxipad. Putting one on the appropriate side of the bed, under the sheet when you make it, can increase spontaneity and keep you from having to think about it every time.

    Leave a comment:


  • Josephlin101
    replied
    Hi MandyA, so sorry to hear that. Have you found any solution? Or have you and your hubby found a way to manage it?

    Leave a comment:


  • Esha212
    replied
    MandyA Squirting is a normal occurence for women just like it is for men. Don't feel ashamed or bad! I agree with jns with seeing a gynecologist to ensure there are no medical reasons behind the extreme occurences. But remember...you are not abnormal or broken! Sorry about the inconsiderate nature of your huuby. We all have what I call sexual quirks that believe it or not are more common than you think! I recently listened to this amazing audio called Come As You Are when I began thinking there were somethings about my sexual experiences that no one else had encountered. Boy oh boy I was surprised about how undivided we really are when I read this!
    Last edited by Alison H.; 10-31-2020, 10:28 AM. Reason: outbound link removal

    Leave a comment:


  • jns
    replied
    Hi MandyA. Welcome to Women's Health Interactive Forums. Very interesting. I can see why the situation with squirting has became a problem and why it wasn't before. Have you been to a doctor about this situation? A gynecologist would be good but maybe a urologist would be better in some cases. Maybe some sort of exercises can help you control it to a degree so it was more like when you were a lot younger. Another possibility is that your hormones have shifted so you need less stimulation. I think atskitty2 has given a good response.

    Leave a comment:

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