Squirting is ruining my sex life

[MandyA]

---

Have questions about squirting?

We have more answers!

Read our article, “Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About Squirting” here:

https://www.womens-health.com/squirting

---

I know that lots of women think it would be great to experience female ejaculation or want to learn to "squirt," but I have the exact opposite issue- I want to STOP.

****I just finished writing this post and have come back to the top to say this: I apologise for its length. The thing is- I am so embarrassed that I do this. I have never talked about it with my mother, sisters, friends, or even my counselor, and I don't want to! I was so upset tonight and desperate to talk to someone about it. When I finally found this forum, it was such a relief to have a safe place to unload all of this, I kind of got carried away. So, thank you if you read all the way through.****

This was something I only used to experience occasionally. It had to be a prolonged encounter and usually involve internal stimulation (My g-spot? Who knows?)
Anyway, I have been with my husband for over 20 years. During the first several years of that time (when we were just dating) we were sort of on and off, so I had two other sexual partners within that time. I occasionally experienced it with each of them. Over the past probably 10 years, it started to happen more regularly. (I didn't have anything against it and my partners thought it was "hot," so I never minded that it sometimes happened, but I wasn't trying to learn to make it happen more or anything like that). It was sometimes a little inconvenient, but not a big deal. For several years now, though, it has gotten to the point where it's a whole different story. It's guaranteed to happen every time we have sex; it even happens if I masturbate. It doesn't require internal stimulation to cause it now, it happens with clitoral orgasms, too. And it's not a little amount. So basically, any sexual encounter is going to be a mess.
Fine, whatever. This is something my husband is well aware of at this point, and was never really a problem. It makes quickies fairly unrealistic, not to mention ever having sex when we're sleeping anywhere other than our own bed, and there have been times one or the other of us would turn down sex because we'd just showered or something and didn't want to deal with the mess, but like I said- not really a big deal.
About 3 months ago, we moved. As part of the move, we got a new bed. (Oh, yeah- that's a whole other thing! I really want a SleepNumber bed, but won't get one because I am not going to risk ruining the mattress of such an expensive bed!) So, with the new mattress, we've been extra careful to protect it when we have sex. I have absorbent pads that I made and we put them down, even though it sure puts a damper on spontaneity! But it occurred to me recently that even though we're still having sex 2 or 3 times a week since the move, a) it's almost always me who initiates b) sometimes I feel like I have to convince him, or something and c) we haven't once had a really prolonged encounter with lots of foreplay and stuff- at least not from him to me. Last night, I finally said, "I just want you to touch me," and he did, but it was more cuddly than passionate (don't get me wrong- I have nothing against cuddling, but sometimes that's just not what you're gunning for, you know?). This evening I made a joke about him not wanting to have sex with me because of the new mattress, and I definitely didn't expect what came next.
He said, "you know- I was thinking about that. I think you're right. It could be that, or maybe it's this other thing I have been thinking about that I haven't told you. I was trying to figure out why it is that I used to love it when you squirted- it was such a turn-on and the mess never bothered me at all. It was great. I think either as I've gotten older and developed various quirks, I have gotten more bothered by the mess, or my drive isn't the same," (we're in our 40s) "so when we have sex I'm not so fired up- like maybe it never bothered me then because I was too worked up about having sex to care." He also said some more specific stuff basically admitting that it hasn't been my imagination that he almost never wants to give me oral- the past few years, actually- because of this, even though that used to be a favorite of his, and that he's been avoiding foreplay/fondling since we moved to keep the mess to a minimum.
I got so upset. I told him that whether it's what he meant or not, he'd basically just admitted that it grosses him out now to the point he doesn't want to have sex, or it always grossed him out, but he was horny enough to overlook it. Yeah, so you can just imagine how I feel now. It's not something I can control- believe me, I've tried! And any time I try to search online for help, all I find is stuff related to women wanting to figure out how to do it. I just want to stop! I want to be able to have a normal sex life where we could be spontaneous, or have nooners, or be a little risque and try to do it outside or in the car or something. Would I want to do that? I have no idea, but it doesn't matter because without involving a pile of towels and a change of clothes for each of us, it's not even a possibility.
I would love to hear if there is anyone who has been able to STOP squirting? Or maybe you can just convince me that I am not going to spend the rest of my marriage believing that my husband is disgusted by the idea of sex with me because of it.
Thanks for reading all this if you stuck with me.

[atskitty2]

Wow...I'm really sorry that this is such a traumatic experience for you. I have never heard of this, so it was a surprise to read your post. Thanks for sharing, and being so open. I'm glad you found us, and please feel free to write as long a post as necessary. Anytime!! Welcome to our forum!

Have you spoken to your gyno about this? Especially since it's changed over the years, it's a good idea to discuss it with your doctor, in case there's something physically that could be addressed to improve it. It could be related to the hormonal changes you're likely experiencing. My guess is, typical docs aren't going to provide a wealth of knowledge, but they may be able to refer you to a specialist with detailed knowledge to target this and provide relief for you.

I am curious, and would like to clarify, if you're squirting, gushing, or experiencing a copious amount of natural lubrication. Sometimes I think we all confuse the terminology, and use terms interchangeably, so, what actually is happening I think is a point to clear up. You said that the hubs no longer wants to give oral, and doesn't seem to want to touch you in the same way he did - so is this "squirting" happening from the beginning of the encounter? If it's affecting foreplay and affection, I have to wonder what (and when) your body is doing this.

And aside from the mechanics of what's happening, just a couple thoughts: Have you tried moving into the shower? Have you tried a heavy duty plastic mattress pad cover?

And finally, as I wait to read your responses, I want to say this: please don't be embarrassed or allow any sort of negative emotions about what your body's doing and your hubby's response to it. You're right, you can't help it, and it's not disgusting. It's happening, and as your hub's desire has waned over the years, his preferences have changed. I understand it isn't pleasant for either of you-it certainly would distract from the pleasures, so, let's see what resolution can be found.

[jns]

Hi MandyA. Welcome to Women's Health Interactive Forums. Very interesting. I can see why the situation with squirting has became a problem and why it wasn't before. Have you been to a doctor about this situation? A gynecologist would be good but maybe a urologist would be better in some cases. Maybe some sort of exercises can help you control it to a degree so it was more like when you were a lot younger. Another possibility is that your hormones have shifted so you need less stimulation. I think atskitty2 has given a good response.

[Esha212]

MandyA Squirting is a normal occurence for women just like it is for men. Don't feel ashamed or bad! I agree with jns with seeing a gynecologist to ensure there are no medical reasons behind the extreme occurences. But remember...you are not abnormal or broken! Sorry about the inconsiderate nature of your huuby. We all have what I call sexual quirks that believe it or not are more common than you think! I recently listened to this amazing audio called Come As You Are when I began thinking there were somethings about my sexual experiences that no one else had encountered. Boy oh boy I was surprised about how undivided we really are when I read this!

[Josephlin101]

Hi MandyA, so sorry to hear that. Have you found any solution? Or have you and your hubby found a way to manage it?

[Wednesday L.F.]

I'm sad to think that any woman is made to feel ashamed or embarrassed by a natural function of the body. I mean, male ejaculate is like salty snot and no one is telling them they should control it or protect the mattress at all costs.

Finding out that a partner is unhappy with some aspect of your sex life sucks. I've totally been there, and I tend to internalize stuff like that so much that it impacts my enjoyment of sex altogether. If nothing else, I hope you're finding ways to work through that so you can enjoy each other again.

This might sound ridiculous, but using a "puppy pad" under the fitted sheet can be an inobtrusive way to protect your bed from fluids. The Arm & Hammer brand doesn't have the pet attractants that most pads have. It's just a large square that will hold a surprising amount of liquid, sort of like a maxipad. Putting one on the appropriate side of the bed, under the sheet when you make it, can increase spontaneity and keep you from having to think about it every time.

[FeelingWeird]

I squirt too, every time I have an orgasm from any kind of physical stimulation. I have only had a couple of partners and they liked it, so I never had an issue like this. It is frustrating for me because the mess makes masturbation difficult. I am sorry this happened to you. I know it can't be controlled--I have tried too--and it sucks to not be accepted the way you are.

[Wednesday L.F.]

I was working on an article and saw that Liberator and a few other companies make actual “sex blankets” designed specifically to protect bedding. Apparently they’re super absorbent and thin enough not to tax a washing machine. I didn’t know that existed, but maybe it’s a potential solution.

[FeelingWeird]

I was working on an article and saw that Liberator and a few other companies make actual “sex blankets” designed specifically to protect bedding. Apparently they’re super absorbent and thin enough not to tax a washing machine. I didn’t know that existed, but maybe it’s a potential solution.

Someone on another site told me about these not long ago! I am thinking about getting one so I can finally masturbate in bed LOL.

[DoggoLover]

I'm also wondering if you were able to resolve things or find some sort of solution, MandyA. I hope so!

As Wednesday L.F. said, there are sex blankets that could definitely help if you or your partner are worried more about the cleanup. It's a natural and normal thing, and I do think as women we tend to internalize these types of things more. We already feel like we have to meet so many standards, and since we can't control squirting, it's not as if there's a real "solution."

I will say that if you're having issues with urinary incontinence in general (which is different from squirting, but also not something that's purposeful), seeing a physical therapist who specializes in pelvic floor therapy can be helpful. Strengthening your pelvic floor muscles can help you gain better control of those muscles. I'm not sure if it'd be recommended if you only feel like squirting is a problem because again, it is normal, but you could always bring it up with your OB/GYN or primary care doctor. It is awkward to talk about those kinds of things, but a good doctor definitely won't judge and will want to help if possible.

I hope you know that there's no reason to feel ashamed of your body. I get that our bodies can be annoying sometimes, and I also get that everyone has different preferences sexually, but I'd consider talking to your partner about ways you can get pleasure from sex that you both love and enjoy, because that is important, too.