Mechanical Problem With Vaginal Rear Entry

[Kahala]

My wife and I have been married for 35 years, have good orgasmic sex a couple of times a week. Absolutely no complaints!

I'd like to have rear entry vaginal sex -- not really "doggie style," but more the backward spoon. In view of our age it looks like it would be less strenuous for both of us, and also a change from the few positions we do use.

My wife, however, says her vagina "goes the wrong way." I've tried to research this on the internet and found nothing. I had rear entry vaginal sex with my former wife, so I think I know how to do it. And I've had experiences with other vaginas (although not for 35 years) -- and my wife's feels normal to me.

Any mechanical suggestions on what we may be doing wrong? Does she need to make some sort of adjustment to her placement? Hips up, head down, vice versa, etc.? Or is it possible she does "go the wrong way."

I know it's a weird question -- but hoping someone may be able to assist. Thanks!

[jns]

Maybe her doctor can give you more of an explaination of what is going on, with her permision to the doctor to speak freely of course. Since this is after 35 years, possibly tisssues that were at one time flexible are no longer flexible. Possibly menopause could have something to do with that. Of course other reasons are possible which is why a talk with a doctor may be best.

[atskitty2]

Hi Kahala! Welcome aboard! So glad you entrusted us with this question!

Would you mind clarifying what you mean by "reverse spoon"? I think I know what you mean, but it may help to know that for sure.
It could be that her anatomical vaginal placement makes it more difficult or possibly even painful for her to allow you entrance from that angle, especially if you happen to have a penis that's curved at a certain angle, or exceptionally large. Speaking with her doctor, as jns suggests, is not a bad idea.
If she's tried tilting her bum in such a way to adjust that angle, and it's not working, it may not be possible to make that work, without some creative thinking. Have you tried some pillows to help her hold the position?
Is she also interested and excited to make this position work?

[JonnyR]

Kahala welcome to the WHI forums!

I also had some questions to help you and us clarify:

1) Do you do doggie style? Does that hurt or is that uncomfortable in the same way?

2) Have you tried lube? It could be that particular angle, does not allow the same lubrication as she's used to, so perhaps a touch of some high-quality water or oil-based lube might really help you out.

3) Are there other positions you can try that might be similarly adventurous or offer the variance you're looking for without the discomfort?

I do know that for certain women, certain positions are just more uncomfortable than others, and sometimes it has nothing to do with penis or vaginal size, and just an anatomical quirk. I would suspect that might be what is going on, but regardless there are a myriad of fun positions to try.

You might even take a look at some information pornography, sexual position books or literature or other mediums to give you some workable ideas.

[Kahala]

Thank you for the helpful replies.

What I called the "reverse spoon" on further research is also called the "traditional spoon." Lady on her side, man behind ("spooning") and a little below her, also on his side -- with vaginal entry from the rear.

To answer the other questions: We're old, so we are (of necessity) lube experts! We have lots of it bedside and often try new brands, etc., when they come to market. Our favourite, Liquid Silk, is British-made and difficult to get during the pandemic. I digress.

We have done doggie style. My wife is not fond of it because she says her vagina goes the wrong way. I was hoping that the "traditional spoon" would be less strenuous for both of us -- but if her vagina actually does go the wrong way making all rear entry painful or uncomfortable for her, we'll cross this off the list.

We do have several sex position books, so will go "shopping." I've never been gifted with the ability to read blueprints and visualize the completed building. I also look at the photos or drawings in the books and puzzle over how they actually did that . . .

We'll do some experimenting this week-end. Always interesting to see what we discover.

[atskitty2]

I personally have found the spoon position to be relaxing, so I wouldn't give up on it just yet. It could be she could tilt herself enough to make the rear entry positions work. Perhaps not, but it's worth a try if you're both into it. What you may find with the spoon is that it doesn't allow for heavy thrusting, due to the resistance you're getting from the bed, or whatever you're lying on.

Enjoy yourselves! Please check in and let us know how it works for you!

[JonnyR]

Something that always works for me and mixes things up is doing something similar to what you describe: spoon, but with the woman lying flat on her stomach, and I'm directly on top of her.

This puts a buffer of her rear end there to add some padding, but it also allows a slightly different entry angle that is often very pleasurable for both of us.

I would offer that as another alternative position where perhaps by her laying flat and laying down on her stomach, saves the discomfort of being sideways during spooning, or doggie style "jostling" and the vagina "going the wrong way".

[coffeedrinker]

Kahala, I love this position! It just feels comforting, relaxing...I feel very close to my partner since there is so much skin-to-skin contact, and arms can go round me

I have noticed that these days (I am 60) I seem to have to kind of curl up more than I think I used to. IOW, you aren't really two sticks lying adjacent to each other, she needs to bend at the waist and you can curl around her - for better positioning. Then the angle of the vaginal canal will allow you to fit inside better.

I hope this made sense.