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My couple's sex life problem

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  • My couple's sex life problem

    Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for a little more of 4 years, this is my first relationship, I met him when I was 18, I am now 22, our relationship is perfect, nothing to complain about, he is the ideal boyfriend, and we are very much in love, the only problem is that we never had sex, we are both virgins, and basically we both wanted to take our time, after 1 year of relationships we started having sex without ever performing any penetration, in reality our antics consisted of him dry humping me and that for 1 year, to celebrate our 2 years as a couple, we had spent the day together, and I was ready to do my first time with him, I had prepared the condoms, and we were in the mood, I took out the condoms at that moment he stopped everything, he started to cry and said he couldn't do it with me because he had a blockage and he didn't know why, I immediately stopped everything and I consoled him by saying that it was not a problem and that I understood him and that we were going to take our time, 2 years have passed and nothing has evolved , our sexual relations comes down to doing sex dry humping naked, the problem is that he takes pleasure by doing that but I don't, I have already done foreplay with him whether it's blowjob or handjob, he on the contrary has never touched me in this way, for our 4 years old of couple , himself said that he was ready, so I booked a hotel room, bought some sexy underwear for the occasion , we did foreplay again he only touched my boobs, when the time to do it came, he stopped everything crying saying he couldn't and he was sorry , and I spent the evening consoling him I have already advised him to see a psychologist to try to solve his blockage, he refuses saying that talking about this kind of problem is humiliating for him which I can understand, I asked him if he had had traumatic events that would have blocked him (Rape, sexual assault, etc.), he replied that he never had any trauma, that he took sexual pleasure, and that he wanted to do it but that he couldn't, when it comes to penetration, he can't and he don't understand why. I try to do everything to reassure him , the problem is that I am sexually frustrated and that despite myself , It make me think about our couple, I love him more than anything, but the more time passes the more this situation becomes problematic for me, I feel bad for thinking like that, I have the impression of being selfish and promoting my sex life over my couple, but yes this situation weighs on me I would like to know if someone has any solutions, if I can help him unblock his issues, I would just like some advice to help him solve his problems.
    Thanks you for taking the time to read me.

  • Welcome to the forum! So glad you found us, and hopefully we can help and support you through this.

    I detect a hint that English is not your first language, am I correct? Do you mind sharing your cultural background and that of your boyfriend? Is he religious? Often cultural and religious influence plays a role in our sexual expression.

    Is he taking your suggestion about speaking with a therapist?
    How old is he? Does he masturbate himself, alone? Or is it only with you?
    How much have you shared with him about your dissatisfaction with this current arrangement?

    So many questions, but it will help us get a better idea of what may be going on.

    Sexual incompatibility as a couple is a real problem, and there's no reason for you to feel bad for thinking and feeling that this is a problem for you. It seems you recognize also that this is his problem, and you're seeking to support him and help find a solution.

    I look forward to your answers.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by Shadeowz View Post
      Me and my boyfriend have been in a relationship for a little more of 4 years, this is my first relationship, I met him when I was 18, I am now 22, our relationship is perfect, nothing to complain about, he is the ideal boyfriend, and we are very much in love, the only problem is that we never had sex, we are both virgins, and basically we both wanted to take our time, after 1 year of relationships we started having sex without ever performing any penetration, in reality our antics consisted of him dry humping me and that for 1 year, to celebrate our 2 years as a couple, we had spent the day together, and I was ready to do my first time with him, I had prepared the condoms, and we were in the mood, I took out the condoms at that moment he stopped everything, he started to cry and said he couldn't do it with me because he had a blockage and he didn't know why, I immediately stopped everything and I consoled him by saying that it was not a problem and that I understood him and that we were going to take our time, 2 years have passed and nothing has evolved , our sexual relations comes down to doing sex dry humping naked, the problem is that he takes pleasure by doing that but I don't, I have already done foreplay with him whether it's blowjob or handjob, he on the contrary has never touched me in this way, for our 4 years old of couple , himself said that he was ready, so I booked a hotel room, bought some sexy underwear for the occasion , we did foreplay again he only touched my boobs, when the time to do it came, he stopped everything crying saying he couldn't and he was sorry , and I spent the evening consoling him I have already advised him to see a psychologist to try to solve his blockage, he refuses saying that talking about this kind of problem is humiliating for him which I can understand, I asked him if he had had traumatic events that would have blocked him (Rape, sexual assault, etc.), he replied that he never had any trauma, that he took sexual pleasure, and that he wanted to do it but that he couldn't, when it comes to penetration, he can't and he don't understand why. I try to do everything to reassure him , the problem is that I am sexually frustrated and that despite myself , It make me think about our couple, I love him more than anything, but the more time passes the more this situation becomes problematic for me, I feel bad for thinking like that, I have the impression of being selfish and promoting my sex life over my couple, but yes this situation weighs on me I would like to know if someone has any solutions, if I can help him unblock his issues, I would just like some advice to help him solve his problems.
      Thanks you for taking the time to read me.
      Welcome to the forum!

      The issue might be that your boyfriend is religious and isn't comfortable with the idea of pre-marital sex.

      You do not need to feel bad about yourself, as sexual frustration is natural for most people. Perhaps the best way forward for both of you would be to talk about this in detail and be completely transparent.

      Best of luck!

      Comment


      • I have to say I think it's interesting that his mental block applies only to things that give you pleasure, but he doesn't seem to be bothered by receiving oral sex/handjobs from you. Even if you haven't gotten to a place where you can have penetrative sex yet, your partner should be concerned about your pleasure just as much as his own and make an effort to give you what you need. If he doesn't it might not be a healthy relationship on both sides and something probably needs to change.

        Comment

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