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purity culture

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  • purity culture

    Does anybody think that purity culture is a form of abuse? I was raised in a southern baptist home and grew up in purity culture. Thankfully I never fell completely other the spell, but unfortunately there was a time in my life when I thought that abstenance till marriage was the right way, and sadly I'd judged other girls in high school for being sexually active. I think this was because of the fear-instilling tactics that the pastor's wife had used during youth group. She basically told us that sex was physically exhausting and that orgasms weren't real. It wasn't till I went to college that my views completely changed.

  • I wouldn't categorize it as abuse. But, I certainly believe that for any relationship to be completely heathly, sexual compatibility is very important. So that abstinence until marriage mindset of religion is very narrow minded. Oh.. and then you are looked down upon when the relationship crashes and you divorce.

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    • I grew up that way also, and like you, saw things very differently in my early twenties and began to remove myself from those values. I do not believe it was abusive, no, but I do believe it is an extremely unhealthy way to raise children, especially young women. There is guilt associated with this "teaching", fear, as you mentioned, and many other factors that negatively impact our sexuality and relationships.

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      • I still believe in waiting for marriage as there's something special about the first time being with your husband.....I'm teaching my kid to wait until marriage, also

        recently saw a TV show of a woman that is married with 2 kids
        all she can think about is former boyfriend who she had really good sex with....better than her husband....the show ended with her about to cheat on husband with former boyfriend
        have to wait 'til next season to see what happens

        to me sex is an expression of love
        husband is only one who loved me enough to ask me to marry
        why give my body to someone who doesn't love me?
        Last edited by amy40; 12-03-2022, 08:28 PM. Reason: to expand to say "sex is an expression of love"

        Comment


        • Originally posted by amy40 View Post
          I still believe in waiting for marriage as there's something special about the first time being with your husband.....I'm teaching my kid to wait until marriage, also

          recently saw a TV show of a woman that is married with 2 kids
          all she can think about is former boyfriend who she had really good sex with....better than her husband....the show ended with her about to cheat on husband with former boyfriend
          have to wait 'til next season to see what happens

          I feel it's good not to have sexual memories interfere once one is married
          if one doesn't have sex before marriage, all your memories are with husband
          I like to think about the times husband & I have had sex outside or snuck in garage when child was little & sleeping....even tho we don't have sex as much as I want....I'm very happy when we do

          to me sex=love & husband is only one who loved me enough to ask me to marry
          why give my body to someone who doesn't love me?
          So in the case of your TV show woman, she would not know what good sex is like with a man had she not had sex previous to marriage. If she has tried to teach her husband what she likes in bed and he isnot complying, then she should not have married him anyway.

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          • Originally posted by EmptyNester View Post
            If she has tried to teach her husband what she likes in bed and he isnot complying, then she should not have married him anyway.
            husband read her detailed journal about sex with boyfriend
            husband has tried to replicate it
            however, husband is not boyfriend & the excitement with boyfriend doesn't translate to husband

            it's bad to have that in her brain
            women never forget
            so it's better to wait 'til marriage & not have those memories in brain to compare with husband

            Comment


            • Okay, let's just break this down. Sex is not to be confused with love. Sex is a mechanical act that can be performed in a variety of ways. This will just be variations of a theme. Love on the otherhand, is more of a neuro-chemical process that encompasses all the mores, nuances, thoughts, ideas and compatibility that can overcome sex. It can be more physically satisfying to have sex that is just wild abandonment but less satisfying emotionally. Conversely, you can love someone so much that the sex can be secondary.

              I think if that a relationship based just on sex can be short-lived. People grow older, sex is less important and if there is nothing else to fall back on, then that relationship may be short lived. An emotional affair is just as deadly as a sexual one.

              It has nothing to do with past relationships, whether or not you waited until marriage for sex, and has more to do with the individual, how mature he/she is and what the goals of a relationship are.

              Just my thoughts.
              Last edited by Claret; 12-03-2022, 08:35 AM.
              That which we forget may as well never really happened.

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              • I revised my earlier post to "sex is an expression of love"....it's also for creating children

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                • And there are also those that are with one person only, perhaps they waited for marriage, and they harbor curiosity about sexual experiences with someone other than their spouse. Sometimes those people choose to cheat or divorce their spouse so they are free to sexually explore. It happens both ways.

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                  • Originally posted by victoriachan365 View Post
                    Does anybody think that purity culture is a form of abuse? I was raised in a southern baptist home and grew up in purity culture. Thankfully I never fell completely other the spell, but unfortunately there was a time in my life when I thought that abstenance till marriage was the right way, and sadly I'd judged other girls in high school for being sexually active. I think this was because of the fear-instilling tactics that the pastor's wife had used during youth group. She basically told us that sex was physically exhausting and that orgasms weren't real. It wasn't till I went to college that my views completely changed.
                    I don't think it is a form of abuse but I don't think it is entirely healthy, either. I was taught abstinence until marriage also but it wasn't all religion based. Religion based morals wouldn't have worked for me because I did not believe strongly enough. Responsibility was strongly taught and I grew up at a time when birth control wasn't as easily available. Responsibility was the reason that I got a late start on having sex. Of course, people dying of AIDS (HIV) was big when I started having sex so that was somewhat of a damper.

                    As for the Pastor's wife, maybe for her sex was physically exhausting and she didn't have orgasms. Everyone is different so it is possible. Sometimes such things are natural and other times taught inhibitions can make things difficult.
                    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                    ...
                    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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