Why cant i enjoy sex?

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Why cant i enjoy sex?

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  • Why cant i enjoy sex?

    Hi,
    Im new and have been looking for a place for help with this issue. Ive posted on other forums but not gotten any help so i was hoping someone here could give me some insight.

    Im 21 yrs old, and ive been with the same person for over 5 years now. I love him and he loves me. We've had a rocky relationship due to many factors but now we've been living together for almost 3 years.
    At the start of our relationship, there was alot of exploring to do. He was very shy which i loved and the more and more i got him to open up, the more passionate we were. Eventually he was sent to live with his mother in another state. He was there for 2 years almost but he came to visit me twice a year and we kept in contact by phone n such.
    I finally got him to move back down here because i was being kicked out of my house since my sister (who i lived with)'s boyfriend didnt like me and she wanted him to move in. So me and my boyfriend, and my best friend, moved in together.
    For the first few months all he ever wanted was sex (im assuming its cuz we were in a new place where we could freely have it whenever we wanted to) but i declined since our bed was.... the most uncomfortable thing ever. It was a futon on this big... barred.. thing... and just very not comfortable to be bouncing around in.
    Eventually i had my bed come here and i was willing but he wasnt. Months passed and id ask him for sex and he would decline. He was tired. He had work. He didnt feel like it. Etc more excuses. I hated being declined so many times. Sure, i could help myself but i didnt want sex just to orgasm. Thats not what sex is... its supposed to be a beautiful union between 2 people who love each other, who want to pleasure each other and be happy... and he just didnt want that. The only sex he was prone to accept was quick sex where he could orgasm and i couldnt. I cannot orgasm through vaginal penetration. Just doesnt work. Ive tried many things, many positions, asked advice and ive just come to the conclusion that its not possible for me. My sister and mom cant either so... i guess its genetic.
    Its been over a year since then. I had sex like once every other week - which is when he would allow it or felt he had to. I would ask him if it was me, if he wasnt attracted to me anymore or something. He says no, he just doesnt feel in the mood to and doesnt want to force it. Ive cried time after time about it but ive finally come to accept it. If i want something, i take care of it myself even tho its lonely. I dont bother to ask him for sex anymore. Ive come to accept the only time i will get it is when he wants to... even if im not in the mood to do it i'll still do it. Beggers cant be choosers right? I might as well get it while i can... but no it doesnt make me happy.
    In fact, ive been so unhappy for so long that now i dont even want it anymore. Every time i decide to do it... i dont feel happy afterwards. I feel like ive forced myself to do it. To suggest it. To go threw with it.
    Lately though, hes been so much more loving towards me and im not sure why. I asked him and he just says "cuz i miss you." I guess its because of how much i work and our schedules conflict. So i decided to try it out again last night. I suggested it, he accepted it, and we went through with it. For the past few months though, every time he touches me i feel less and less pleasure. Even when i am happy and totally want it... i dont feel much. He could be doing my most favorite things in the world!... and i dont feel much. Every time we do it, it takes longer and longer for me to finally experience pleasure and then eventually orgasm. And now, like last night, i dont even think im able to produce my own lube anymore. I mean, he pleasured me- it felt good but when we decided to finish the job and have intercourse... it hurt. There was no self made lube involved. Just the condoms. Sometimes when this happens i just ignore the pain and wait for him to finish. I dont want to tell him to stop, i feel bad. I dont wanna help him it hurts. Ive told him before that it has but just afterwards. Sometimes.... it feels like its a punishment... to not feel pleasure. Like i did something terrible in the past and this is the punishment for it.
    I know your probably thinking "well honey, its just not working out between you and you should probably move on to someone else." Yeah, it would be logical to do that... if sex was the only thing in a relationship. Which its not. I love him. I intend to marry him later on. I know he loves me and i fully trust him and his loyalty towards me. So no, i wont move on. I have this problem. Its my problem and i need to fix it.

    So ive come to you. Hopefully you will have some advice and can give me something to work with. I dont like this feeling. It hurts.

  • This should be in Sex not Mental Health.

    Has he really made love to you any time lately, not just pleasuring you? Since you are young and not self lubricating, but did before, are you reaching orgasm? Multiple times?
    I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
    ...
    Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

    From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

    Comment


    • I feel it has more to do with the mental fact that i cant feel the pleasure. Im pretty sure there is nothing physically wrong with me.

      As for your question, yes i reach orgasm. No, i cant multiple times because im always too sensitive to touch in that area afterwards for a long time.
      Has he actually made love to me... probably not. I mean, we've set the mood with like candles n stuff when people are gone. Music n such but... it doesnt change anything. I dont really know what "making love" really is yet. I guess you can say we've attempted.
      We've had sex lately tho. Last night to be exact. It was just more painful then anything because of the fact there wasnt much lube left.

      Comment


      • This, indeed, has to move to the sex section, it will get so many more replies.

        It's not you, it's your relationship, it's how he's been treating you, it's how you feel when you have sex. You just have sex, he doesn't make love to you. That's not right and it won't get any better if you let it be. You SHOULD NOT marry unless you feel loved when you have sex. It shouldn't already feel like duty, for God's sake you're only 21 years old, you deserve to be happy in the bedroom.

        There's nothing mentally wrong with you. You feel pain during intercourse because he probably rushes it, doesn't make you feel wanted, it's just sex to get it out of the way and you feel that. It's nothing you can control with your mind, it's a feeling.

        Candles don't make the mood, it's the passion that does. He doesn't show you this. Making love is when your guy makes you feel wanted, loved, he shows it to you and you feel it when he barely touches you. It's not the intercourse, it's everything else that leads to it.

        Please be careful, this is not to be taken lightly. Sex is very important in a relationship. It doesn't bring happiness by itself, but when it goes wrong it can be enough to make you unhappy.

        Comment


        • Thanks ^^

          Comment


          • ****Moved to Sex, hopefully you will get more replies.****

            Comment


            • i salute you for being so understanding on your bf. for me, you should let your bf know what you really feel like when your having sex, so that he is aware and must have do some action regarding the matter. don't carry all this by yourself, you and your bf must meet half way!... Good luck

              Comment

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