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Is my wife masturbating when she thinks I'm asleep?

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  • Silent masturbation is like cold fusion. If you think you've achieved it, your probably doing something wrong. Just an FYI

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    • telitlikeitis44

      Originally posted by VerdaMcEwen View Post
      This is usually hard to say,you may find out directly when you sure the stuff is on.and may have a intercourse then.

      sorry to say but, just going by what you said that for many many years your wife struggled wih her sexuality, if meaning she was confused on wether she was a guy are women, or attracted to guys or women. maybe she still is struggling with her sexuality and she is attracted to women, thats why he masterbates, and fantasie having sex with women!!! don't know just saying, i could be wrong, maybe you should have a talk about her sexuality:

      Comment


      • It seems that more and more threads are surfacing of abnormal sexual behaviours emerging during sleep or alleged sleep. While we may think this type of behaviour is funny, in reality it can be disturbing, annoying, embarrassing and a potentially serious problem for the individuals and couples going through it. Despite their awareness of what is going on, many sufferers often delay seeking help or even admitting that it is happening at all, either because they don't know that it's a medical disorder or for fear that others will instead judge it as wilful behaviour.

        Studies have found that both men and women reported experiencing an orgasm in about four percent of their sexual dreams. Orgasms were described as being experienced by another dream character in four percent of the women's sexual dreams, but in none of the male dream reports. Sexual intercourse or indeed masturbation was the most common type of sexual dream content, followed by sexual propositions, kissing, fantasies and mutual masturbation. Regardless of how unusual or violent the behaviour, patients had no memory of the events the next morning but often only the secretions of their own masturbatory effects which to be fair then can become an embarrassment that we learn to live with.

        It only becomes more embarrassing when we/they are found doing it and have no recollection.

        Comment


        • I hope you have resolved this already considering you posted so long ago, but I just wanted to add my two cents in case anyone ever comes here for advice... I'm a woman. I have a husband of eight years. We have a decent sex life, when we have sex it's great we just don't have it that often bc we are still trying to kick our three year old out of our bed and we are busy and tired etc. well I'm pregnant again and during pregnancy my hormones go cr******zzy. I have sex on the brain literally all of the time. During these times and occasionally when I'm not pregnant I prefer masturbation over sex. My husband satisfied me sexually and I'm pretty happy in that department but when you're in control it's just better. It is a different experience than sex with a partner. Sometimes women, just like men, need to just release without all the hubbub of love making. I however need visual simulation so I watch classy erotic porn to stimulate me. Your wife is lucky she doesn't need that and can just be alone and feel good with her body. All that being said it is still a very private thing. My husband knows I do it and has even bought me toys probably in hopes of using them with me but whenever he asks me about it I get all weird feeling, it's like my thing and I don't want to discuss it. This may be for several reasons. Maybe your wife is trying to keep it a sacred experience or maybe she is protecting you from feelings that you can't provide for her sexually, whatever the case leave her be. It's not bad to have your own private rituals as long as you are not hurting each other. And in fact it sounds like you have a decent sex life so maybe this helps keep her in the mood to provide for your needs. Happy love making!

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          • You wrote my story almost exactly

            You wrote my story. Almost identical in every way. Except: My wife has started to tell me she's not interested. Then she (similar to you) gets annoyed because I haven't yet gone to sleep. Then she masturbates with an extremely quite vibrator. She has a fan I build her from an old PC power supply that creates noise she uses to sleep by. So it's really hard to distinguish the vibrator on the lowest setting and she thinks I can't hear it. She has orgasm after orgasm, all night long. I only noticed this a couple of weeks ago, but I suspect it has gone on longer.

            At first, it turned me on immensely. And I would touch her and she'd jump up saying something like "HUH?". I'd be convinced she's asleep. I pretended to be asleep for a few hours this morning and she masturbated maybe 60 times. Some of the times she could keep the volume down but sometimes she would moan, make high-pitched noises, etc.

            We had a huge fight this morning when I confronted her. I had dozed off for a couple of minutes (and I had also asked her about it a few hours before so I believe she suspected I was watching her). She got extremely defensive and looked at me with an anger and hatred I've never seen before.

            She's 10 years older than me. So we're 48 and 58. I'm a relatively good-looking guy, and can't understand why she's not interested or how to get her to come clean.

            Thanks

            Comment


            • I have the same thing happening to me. My gf masterbates all night jsut about..literally nonstop. I did some reasearch confronted her which she denied it...Even videoed her. I am convinsed she is asleep while she does it. In my reasearch I found that a lot of men and women masterbate in their sleep. They dont even know they are doing it. I have learned to ignore it. I tryed to join in and help one time and she woke up wondering y I was touching her while she was sleep. She didnt believe that she was doing it herself so I gave up on trying to help her out lol. Your wife probly cant help what she is doing and I know its hard but you are gona have to learn to ignore it. once u two talk about it and figure out for sure if she is sleep when she does it, it will be easier to cope with.

              Comment


              • WOW. I googled "wife bed dream masturbating" and landed here never expecting to even get a hit. So when I read this first post I couldn't believe someone else had written my story to a T. I should know by now that with 7B people in the world even the freakiest of storytellers is'nt going to be alone. But I'm human and prone to thinking "I'm crazy" or "it's just my imagination". Well my story is long on issues so I won't bore anyone with all of it. The most important parts are this: I'm in my early 50's and my wife of 16yrs is late 40's. I've been kicking a porn habit for the past year after completing a Valiant Man course (Christian help group). Wife and I have struggled through her hysterectomy and endometriosis surgerys over the past 4yrs. "Endo" can be a debilitating disease, unfortunately underdiagnosed and misunderstood by even the best medical providers. Gals reading this 1 in 10 of you have it so if you have or have had painful periods, painful sex, PCOS, or trouble conceiving ask your providers until they say something other than retrograde menstruation. That's the clue that they are up to present day knowledge of the fact that excision is the only cure. Now to what brought me here. For the first 3 of the last 5yrs we had no sex. It was just to painful for her. So we would joke about my taking care of myself which could be as much as 3-4x's a week. In the last year we've been able to have sex on a schedule of about twice a month. She being a modest woman, we don't share a bathroom and she's never even passed gas in my presence, it takes her all day to mentally and physicaly prepare for sex. Due to her extensive surgical history and also haaving interstitial cystitus (a painful bladder condition) sex itself isn't painful anymore but it's aftereffects are for the next 3-4 days. So spontanaeity (sp?) is out the window and I'm at her mercy for relief of my sexual tension. Which is very high these days as I'm really trying to be good about saving myself for her and being tempted by all the sirens out there. My suspicions started just after Christmas when my wife wore to bed a somewhat slinky sleepwear set I had gotten her. Normally our go-to-sleep routine is where she watches tv or her ipad for a awhile and i read for a few minutes and then turn off my light, kiss her, roll over facing away from her and promptly go to sleep in just a few minutes. But on this night i wanted to see how really slinky that top looked on her so instead of rolling over I layed with my head on the pillow gazing at how beautifully the fabric clung to curvature of her breasts and showed off her always erect nipples. And thus fell asleep wo rolling over. And so started my feigning (sp?) sleep to enjoy this view for a little while before rolling over. Except one night I didn't promptly fall asleep after rolling over and by God thought I was hearing things that weren't consistent with my expectations. The heavy breathing I heard got my heart beating and i got what I can only describe as a hot flash as my testosterone soaked brain said she's having a big O! Naw, couldn't be, she's watching a dance school prgm about teenagers. but I couldn't get it out of my head. And it hurt. I of sound body and 10 sec erections when I want them was being forsaken for what? I resolved to encounter proof. But over the next few days could only hear faintly longer and deeper breathing after rolling over so I stayed "awake" longer until she turned off the light and went to sleep. But then an even weirder thing happened when I stayed awake long enough to ensure she was asleep before I got up to pee, the bed started vibrating like she was masturbating. But i knew she was asleep cuz I leaned up on one elbow to see if I could tell what was moving or vibrating or what and heard the same heavy long breaths I had heard earlier. Totally dumbfounded I asked her about it the next morning and she at first was indignant and then humored by the suggestion that she was getting off having the consequences of orgasms due to her conditions physically. So her only plausable explanation was that she was itchy the past few days down there. To myself I said Ha, I'll just need more proof. So the next night I stayed up until she was "asleep" and when the bed was in full motion reached out and put my hand on her hip to feel the leg or arm or bucking that I was sure was going on and felt yeah, just about nothing until she pushed my hand away and said "what the hell are you doing" since I had obviously woken her up. So I'm saying WTF? I've given up catching her. I'm only losing sleep which is in short supply since she wakes me up 2-3x's a night now that I'm tuned into the goings on. We're now looking at twin beds on a king frame so i can sleep since when asked asked about all this movement she doesn't have a clue and I know she's asleep. I am however not letting the time awake and all those movements alone. I'm still convinced there's some there there that we can resolve. I can appriciate what an earlier post had to say about why a woman would want to have "her time" wo all the drama of getting prepared. But since I'm told now for weeks that it's just not a good time, my back hurts and my bladder's acting up and I haven't pooped in days, I'm gonna need some more explaining. Thanks again to all of you who have given me hope and confirmed the inconceivable.

                Comment


                • elcapitan, what does this mean?

                  Originally posted by elcapitan View Post
                  So the next night I stayed up until she was "asleep" and when the bed was in full motion reached out and put my hand on her hip to feel the leg or arm or bucking that I was sure was going on and felt yeah, just about nothing until she pushed my hand away
                  Particularly the "just about nothing" that you felt. Does that mean you felt that she was doing nothing? Are you suspicious, but can't confirm? Or are you sure? I often find these experiences odd for two reasons. 1. There seems to be doubt on both ends. 2. The wife can't be caught.

                  Some months ago when I read an experience like yours I commented that my own wishfulness, the darkness, and probably sleepiness has played games on my mind to make me think my wife was taking her clothes off getting ready for sex. I can hear and feel (and even sorta see) her sitting up, raising her legs and rear and sliding off her clothes for some nighttime fun when absolutely none of that is going on. I always wonder if some of that is what's happening in a lot of these cases.

                  I know that complex actions are possible for some when they sleep. People sleepwalk and even sleep-drive. Typically they're difficult to wake up in that state though. The wives often seem to be immediately alert when the husbands gently touch them in the masturbatory sessions like yours I read about here. For most people the brain shuts down the ability to move when they dream. I know this because I deal with it on a quite regular basis when I am semi-awake and can't move. (It's crazy because I can actually call out to my wife to wake me up by touching me or responding to me. Incidentally I see and feel things that aren't there.)

                  It seems to me that an action like masturbation would be remembered, easy to catch, and easy to identify, especially as vigorously as some describe. How can the bed be "in full motion" yet what's going on is not confirmable?
                  "Those sowing seed with tears
                  Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by gracieloui View Post
                    Even videoed her.
                    What did she say when you showed her the recording? Did she admit to it?
                    "Those sowing seed with tears
                    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

                    Comment


                    • My husband and I have sex about twice a month but It's FANTASTIC every time.
                      He works long hours and our kids take a lot out of us. He often falls asleep while sitting in the living after the kids are in bed. I don't fault him one bit for being too tired. He is an excellent provider. He is also the sole bread winner.
                      I am not always fulfilled by our routine. Which is why I usually masturbate 1 or 2 times a week. Usually while he is asleep right next to me.
                      I try to be as quiet and still as I can so he doesn't catch me but I would never lie to him if he asked me about it.
                      I bet he is also masturbating sometimes. Like others have said, sometimes you're just too tired to roll in the sack for an hour.

                      My opinion: don't take it personally if your wife is not willing to admit that she is masturbating. It's embarassing to us. I think if anyone in a marriage is being denied sex on a regular basis but then finds out that the spouse is masturbating instead, then there is something wrong there. That's the issue to tackle.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by Stillness View Post
                        What did she say when you showed her the recording? Did she admit to it?
                        I'd like to know the outcome of this.
                        I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                        ...
                        Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                        From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                        Comment


                        • I was told almost two years ago that I have been masturbating at night. I have no recollection of it, and I have gone as far as making gloves with sand paper on the, gloves with hair brush bristles in the finger tips and tying my hands to the top of the bed so I couldnt reach past my shoulders. At no point has any of these woken me up, or causes chafing to my genitalia as I had hoped. This has become a huge horrible issue in my life. My partner insists that I am awake, because my eyes ate open. I have been to one sleep clinic, they diagnosed me with sleep apnea and wanted to sell me a CPAP. I am not doing it intentionally, I have no memory of it, and I would definitely not continue this, as it has caused so much trouble in my relationship. I have hope, Im working on getting into another sleep study, where I have to be monitored by people watching me, something got to give. Im not saying some of these women arent really doing it on purpose, but maybe some arent, please dont make them feel like me. Im not lying, I just want it to stop! This is going to end my relationship, he is so upset by this. I am trying to see it from his point of view, and it would for sure injure my pride if he were doing it. Im at my wits end. Does anyone have real advice?

                          Comment


                          • Welcome to WH! Please give us more details about your relationship related to why you think it would end due to unconscious masturbation.
                            I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                            ...
                            Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                            From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

                            Comment


                            • Wow im having same situation except mine might be alot worse..ive seen him and he denies it! Says he cant help what he dreams but how can anybody be dreaming when the person raises head as if looking to see if you still awame or not and the thing you said about facing your partner...oh boy i know that all too well!!!! As soon as he knows im awake he will turn over...matter of fact in that situation as we speak! Lime he just turned his head to me then turned it back but shaking his head cause im still awake....oh im messing up his plans....oh well and appartlly he doesnt understand or care how it makes me feel that he does this and lie right to my face about it!!#

                              Comment


                              • Partlycouldy,

                                Who cares if she masturbates while she thinks you're sleeping? I've never cared if women masturbated with me awake and aware of her activity of if I was sleeping. I've never discouraged women from masturbating. In fact, I've encouraged women to masturbate. Women know how to get themselves off. If they want to masturbate, I'm good.

                                However, if she masturbates rather than doing you, that would be a problem. You gotta be prepared for truth. She might tell you that you don't know how to get her off. If that's the case, let her teach you. If she doesn't want to have sex with you for another reason, that could be a huge problem.

                                I've bought sex toys for women. My last g/f told me right after we began dating that she had never used sex toys. I believed her because her ex-husband was clueless about sex. I bought her a small vibrator. From there, it grew to a sizable collection that includes anal plugs. She loves 'em. Sometimes I'll use them on her. Sometimes she'll use them on herself. Sometimes she'll sit in front of me giving me an unobstructed view of her working herself. However, her preferred method of orgasm is tongue music on her clit. She has MASSIVE orgasms with a vibrator working inside of her vajayjay, an anal plug in place, and my tongue playing rock & roll on her clit. But if she wants to do herself, I'm good. She has told me that she has wished that she had known about pleasure of sex toys long before I had introduced them to her.

                                My ex is authentic bedroom porn star. I have video of her working herself with vibrators.

                                Try surprising her with a vibrator. It might result in a lot of excitement.

                                Comment

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