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embarassed with husband

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  • embarassed with husband

    so I asked for something from husband earlier in year
    ​and wasn't sure if he'd do it but he did

    and I liked it but am embarassed to ask again because I feel weird about it

    maybe after all this time being married, it's good I can still feel shy sometimes around him

  • #2
    I do think it's good to some extent, but I wish there was less shyness in my marriage. I wish we'd open up more and hold back less - in all things, not just the sexual.

    I always think about a song I like that says:

    "I'm willing to tell you everything I let come between us.
    But what if I tell you too much?"

    I guess that's the fear that holds us back.
    "Those sowing seed with tears
    Will reap with a joyful shout." - Psalm 126

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Stillness View Post
      I wish we'd open up more and hold back less - in all things, not just the sexual.
      husband doesn't like to share stuff about work or his health with me
      few years ago heard him on phone with his mom telling her about pain he was having
      he was afraid to tell me and worry me

      he came home from work a different time one day and I made a comment
      and turns out he travelled that day for work
      ​​​I asked why he didn't tell me and he said cause I worry when he travels (I do)

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      • #4
        Men seem to feel the need to protect but it also appears to be inherent, like it's a weakness to reveal that they are in pain (physical or mental).
        I worry less the more I know so if he's out on the road, it sits ok with me. I only then begin to worry if I don't hear from him for some time, which isn't his normal trait as he calls me as soon as his meeting/survey etc, is finished and he's leaving.

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        • #5
          the thing I was referring to in first post was something I find erotic
          and it's nothing that waverider has ever talked about

          I searched on this site and no one's talked about it

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Maisie Dayz View Post
            I worry less the more I know so if he's out on the road, it sits ok with me. I only then begin to worry if I don't hear from him for some time
            like you, if I was able to hear from him more when he travels, then I'd worry less
            it's harder to hear from him when he's out of the country (due to his schedule/skype/phone connections)

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            • #7
              Wish I had more time to comment, but I think this type of thing has root in strength and trust. If we believe our partner, or a friend, a family member, is strong and capable of managing anything, then we feel much more free to share all our thoughts and fears and worries. When we have a partner that seems too fragile in some way, of course we will withhold sensitive, potentially harmful info. Even if the "harm" is something as simple as worry.

              I want to be a stronger partner in my next relationship and the kind where any info can be shared with me, without them having any qualms about my response. I think in other relationships I had that tendency. I remember when my marriage was strong and healthy, that was how we functioned. Mutual strength and we fed from each other's strength. I think if that can be maintained over years, that is the basis for a deeper connection and bond. Communication is everything really.

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              • #8
                Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                I want to be a stronger partner in my next relationship and the kind where any info can be shared with me, without them having any qualms about my response.
                recently read to my husband some pages I wrote before we became parents
                however, as was reading him my thoughts, skipped over three pages and left out some other sentences as I felt that I shouldn't share ALL my writing with him

                when I have some strong emotion, I need to write it all out but it's also too revealing to totally share

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                • #9
                  atskitty2

                  thanks for commenting
                  know you are super busy with your new job, commuting on the weekends, and more
                  how is everything going?


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                  • #10
                    Well I don't think there's anything wrong with having some private thoughts. It may be healthier for some. What you describe there isn't intimacy for me. I think for something like that, I would want to share it. I'd feel very disconnected if I couldn't share those inner parts of myself with him. That to me is WHO I am.
                    I used to write a little, and my hubs was the only one I'd allow to read it. Just short stories and such but it was a part of my life few knew of. A couple teachers in college knew and my hubs.

                    Anyway, everything is an absolute mess of beauty for me. Craziest time in my life maybe. Maybe more crazy than my last year of college. Job is great. The issue I'm having is that I don't honestly like the city. It has some great features, but overall, it's not my thing. Traffic is horrific, and I'm having greatest difficulty with that. Some days I've spent 2 hrs just in the car to/from work.
                    Good food is another issue I am struggling with. So few good grocery stores around, and few healthy restaurants either. It's a job just getting a high nutrition meal at least once a day.

                    Happy with the decision overall. Gonna take a few months longer than I thought it would take to get adjusted, but it's moving along.

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                    • #11
                      When you move it takes quite a while to find the best way to get things done and to find all of the places to replace your previous ones. Can you do any workday adjustments to lower your commute times?
                      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
                      ...
                      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

                      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                        Anyway, everything is an absolute mess of beauty for me.
                        great description
                        sounds like you are taking things in stride

                        when will they allow you to work some days at home to save on your commute?

                        btw, cutting coffee back to decaf tea definitely helped

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                        • #13
                          I've adjusted my schedule a bit and will continue until I have my schedule organized to suit myself and accomplish everything within a reasonable time. Getting to The gym, finding a suitable restaurant or shopping and then cooking have left me little time to search for more permanent housing. Adding to the stress, albeit good stress, I had family in from overseas with me for 2 weeks. So, it's just been e crazy time. Those days were spent sightseeing more than anything else. The traffic is the biggest hindrance. The lifestyle is so different, I just couldn't have imagined it was so. I knew it was going to be different but not so drastically different.

                          I could be working from home more now, but I want to build a good foundation with the staff and mgmt, and get to know them better before I start working at home.

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by atskitty2 View Post
                            I could be working from home more now, but I want to build a good foundation with the staff and mgmt, and get to know them better before I start working at home.
                            you're a dedicated, hardworking employee and once you have your schedule squared away you may have more time to dedicate to yourself and finding those specialized grocery stores that every big city has but may be hard to locate

                            we live in a small town/city and there is a specialized food store in next bigger city; it may just take a while to find them where you are


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                            • #15
                              back to my first post
                              I had husband read it and he didn't even ask what I was referring to
                              as he was walking away, I said you didn't ask what I was talking about!

                              no getting him to open up...ha


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