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Why do men cheat?..

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    Why do men cheat?..

    Hi guys, I'm new to the site

    Just stumbled across it really while googling 'my wife prefers/mastubates more than we have sex'

    ok so like many blokes, it's an issue for me. I'll approach the wife while we're in bed but she doesn't fancy it. Too tired, the usual. But I'll later find she's used her vibrator/watched porn whatever. Wouldn't be a problem for me at all if she made an effort now and then to have sex but she doesn't

    Of course as a typical man I'll mastubate too and I too think sex is sometimes an effort, but I'll make sure to try and make time for sex with my wife as I think the is healthy in a marriage/relationship. Unfortunately she doesn't offer the same. This seems to the case in a lot of relationships and marriages

    So my point is this. If you don't make an effort to have sex with you boyfriend/husband, in my opinion, you risk him cheating on you

    Why do men cheat? This would be one of the reasons. How do I know this? Because I did it myself to this very women I'm with now

    My wife and I were first together when we were much younger and this really used to get to me. We'd have the usual chats/arguments about it but it never got anywhere. I bought the toys etc but nothing worked. I of course felt rejected and unhappy, build up resentment (and often told her this to no change) so I cheated on her. And many times. Ok I was much younger then (early 20s) but that's eventually why we drifted apart and split up. Another girl caught my eye and that was it

    later her in life we met up again later down the line (which I'm very very grateful for)

    I've not cheated on my now wife since we later got to back together and of course got married. I love her dearly and I'm very very happy, and I wouldn't play around now. I've grown up obviously too and too much to lose etc

    But my point is this - if you do love your bloke very much and want to be with him. Take the time to have sex with him

    It really is as simple as that

    Dont make any effort whatsoever. Arguing about it. He's clearly showing signs of being unhappy about it - you risk him cheating on you

    Why do mean cheat. Sex

    Just my opinion on how I see as I can go on my own experience





    #2
    I think men and women cheat for many different reasons, sex being one of them.

    Your post reminded me of what I learned in religious teaching, growing up, and in Christian premarital counseling. Supposedly there's a Scripture advising wives that if they don't keep their husbands satisfied, it is giving permission to go elsewhere. That's what I was taught. No mention was made about him keeping me satisfied.

    I think in general, keeping each other satisfied, staying intimate and connected in every way is important, keeping the friendship warm, it's all part of prioritizing the relationship. That's where I see so many couples fail.

    Comment


      #3
      there are many reasons that men cheat....., sex probably being the main one... either they are not getting enough from their wife / partner, or it's not enjoyable as it was.....
      I think communication is the key.... if you're not getting enough sexual satisfaction from your partner then tell her - have a talk about it and lay your feelings on the line.
      I did this with my wife last year and she admitted as she nears 50 she is not in the mood as much as she was.... but also we often go to bed too late and that wasn't helping... but talking about it really helped.
      unfortunately some men don't put the effort into talking to their wife / partner and will look for sex 'elsewhere'

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        #4
        Thanks for the replies

        Well I've certainly done that. Tried to talk about it. Told her how I feel. My pride, feel rejected and upset. Lots and lots of times. All the talking often leads to no result. No improvement. No compromise, nothing

        Also certainly not the case of I want to be satisfied but I won't satisfy you and of course told her so on many a many occasions. I absolutely would. Why wouldn't I if it led to more sex

        And this is my point too. Many many many blokes have the exact sane problem. Just fobbed off. You try and communicate and get nothing

        She obviously gets more satisfaction from mastubation and porn and I have no problem with that, if only she tried a bit more in bed with me

        So that's where I'm it from my own personal experience. But I know I'm not alone. It's well known isn't it.

        And so this is why I say, try a little harder in bed with him. Even Open yourselves to having a conversation about it. Communicate with him as he's opening up to yiu. Ignoring and rejecting him is no good point

        If you don't, you risk losing him

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          #5
          Sorry, typo. Take off 'point' from last paragraph

          Comment


            #6
            Ps. We tell each other we love each other all of the time. We have a happy and varied lifestyle

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              #7
              the problem you might have is if you keep trying to talk to her about it - it might turn her off more and make her less interested in sex with you
              I'd just aske her straight out "why is it you prefer to masturbate alone and not make love with me"? and see what she says

              the other thing you can do is if you see her on the bed masturbating, you can lie next to her and masturbate yourself....

              Comment


                #8
                Originally posted by Who knows.. View Post
                How do I know this? Because I did it myself to this very women I'm with now
                so I cheated on her. And many times.
                I've not cheated on my now wife since we later got to back together and of course got married.
                Welcome to the forum!

                does your wife know you cheated on her before?

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                  #9
                  To muffin70

                  Tried that too. The softly softly approach

                  She doesn't masturbate in front of me. I just know she does as we sometimes share the iPad and I've noticed things on there shes watched

                  I think it's just one of those things. In my opinion, The average male has more sex drive than the average woman. Most couples will compromise and work something out. Or you way things up in your mind so you accept it

                  My point is that some men just won't. So some men will take an another route with another woman - particularly if they feel hurt by the constant rejection they receive.

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Originally posted by Who knows.. View Post
                    . So some men will take an another route with another woman - particularly if they feel hurt by the constant rejection they receive.
                    I felt hurt too when husband stopped having sex with me (for years) after we became parents
                    we are still married and having sex again

                    and he still has no real explanation for those years

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                      #11
                      know I could not live with myself if I cheated while married

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Hi Amy

                        i cheated when together we were younger (early 20s) as I mentioned (not proud of it of course)

                        I haven't cheated since we got back together again (mid 30s) and now married even though circumstances are similar re our sex life.

                        Comment


                          #13
                          I've been down that "talk to her" path and my wife just purely didn't want to hear about. When we were first married - and she wanted to get pregnant - we had sex **all** the time. Now, not so much. The last time she gave me oral was before we had a kid, and he's a junior in college! For years we had sex at most once or twice a year. Now, and i think it's because she suspects (correctly, btw) that I had other lovers, we have sex much more often, but it usually feels like she's just performing a service for me. Like washing the dishes, but with less enthusiasm. So I continue to seek love, affection, and intimacy elsewhere, and the sex is much more satisfying, both physically and emotionally, with a woman I met online, I don't even know her last name or where she lives!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Originally posted by Texasred View Post
                            he's a junior in college!
                            Texasred
                            once read a post that you stayed married because of kid
                            now he's in college, so why are you still "unhappily" married?

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Who knows..,

                              Communication is crucial. You won't know why she's doing herself when she ought to be doing you until she tells you. She probably won't tell you unless you ask her.

                              I'd guess that I was in my mid-20's when I learned that women will talk candidly about sex if they trust you. I was surprised at what women have told me, especially during alcohol induced inhibition reduction. Probably the most common theme among women then was that their boyfriends/husbands didn't know how to have excellent sex. Their boyfriends/husbands didn't know how to go down on them; they wanted rough sex, not tender love making.

                              Very recent research indicates that men and women cheat at close to equal percentage. I believe that this has always been true. The causality in the upward trend of cheating women has been determined to be honesty. Years ago, women wouldn't admit to cheating. Apparently they're now more candid. I personally know of many wives who have gone cheating.

                              I don't care how often my g/f, or any woman, masturbates as long as she takes care of me. My g/f has been getting herself off since she hit puberty. She loves receiving oral sex. I can go down on her six times inside a alf hour, bang her brains out, and she'll masturbate while resting.

                              Many years ago I read an article the gist of which was men shouldn't become nutted up over a woman he's doing if she were to masturbate during sex. Women know how to get themselves off better than anyone. So if a dude were banging a woman dog style and she were to begin massaging her clit, encourage her. My g/f just about floods the bed when I'm banging her dog style and I tell her to get herself off. But then again, like most women, she loves bedroom porn star dirty talk.

                              Sex with a g/f or wife is a bonding process. The rest is just sexual pleasure. I'm long past done with sex for action.

                              I do know that women should never, ever withhold sex as punishment. That will cause a man to get it from another woman. Men do not want to be punished. Ever. If women does so, it will probably come back to haunt them. A boy is punished, not a man. Moreover, a woman isn't balanced if she thinks she has to punish her b/f or husband.

                              A word to the wise, ladies: never try to punish your boyfriends or husbands, especially by withholding sex. It won't turn out well for you.

                              Another point: I watched a TV show about prostitutes. A huge reason married men will hire prostitutes is because their wives are prudes. I ain't in to anal sex. It's never been my thing. My g/f is. I'm not. It's never been a huge issue between us. If a dude really wants anal sex and his wife or g/f won't give it up or at least try it, what would you suppose he's gonna do? You'll know if he stops asking for it. He's getting it from another woman.

                              My g/f withheld sex from her first husband as punishment. That lasted a few times. Then he got it from prostitutes until he found a g/f. My g/f tried to win him back, He was done with her high school games. After she told me that story, I told her that she ought to have known better than to play games with sex. Here's the irony: she knew it at the time she was doing it that she shouldn't have done it. For some reason, she did it anyway. It cost her her marriage at a time that she didn't want to put it up for sale. Even more ironic, she had a higher sex drive than he did. She said she wanted sex all the time. She cut off her nose to spite her face.

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