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Am I being hypocritical? I need relationship/sex help asap

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    Am I being hypocritical? I need relationship/sex help asap

    Ok, so to make a long story increasingly short.. my boyfriend and I started our relationship long distance, I was young at the time (just turned 18, and I'm 21 now) and it was my first relationship, he was a regular porn watcher and he masturbatetd religiously and I was intimidated by that at the time, so I asked him if he would stop and he obliged. Fast forward a few months and he really struggled to keep it up during sex and came clean about still watching porn.. BUT, since then, he says he's been off it. I have had suspicions about him still doing it but never confronted him (he brings his spare phone into the bathroom and spends an hour in there...), but the issue is that lately he NEVER wants to have sex, we're 6 months into this year and we've only had sex around 5 times, he knows I want it more but he says he's too tired etc and he just yells at me for pressuring him or making him feel guilted into it. I don't want sex off my boyfriend because he feels guilted into it, but my drive has been building and building. When we have sex he never waits for me to orgasm and it's usually very short. So, over the last few days, I've been watching porn myself (not masturbating) and impulsively bought a rampant rabbit vibrator... but now I feel guilty because my boyfriend doesn't know about it. If I use it on my own would it be hypocritical/unfair of me? It sounds childish but I'm just really horny lately and I need to release it but can't do it with just my hands. I need help, do I tell him? Keep it a secret? I'm afraid of how he'll react.

    #2
    OK, I gotta call you on one point: "he masturbates religiously" - really? What religion would that be? Not one I've heard of.

    More to the point: you can do better than this guy who'd rather whack off to porn than relate to a real live woman. Dump him now and move on. Do NOT feel guilty about meeting your own needs.

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      #3
      I think you're sexually incompatible and you should move on.

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        #4
        Girl......... is this really the life you want? If you're having sex once a month or less now, fast forward 10 years down the road and you'll be lucky if you ever even get a kiss on the cheek. Regardless of what his reasoning is, or what the excuse is, him not wanting to have sex with you IS a problem. If he's choosing masturbation over sex and won't change when it's clearly wrecking his relationship, then he doesn't care enough about you to salvage the relationship.

        I wouldn't hide the vibrator from him.. I'd tell him loud and clear that I got it because I have sexual needs. Then I'd end the relationship and seek future relationships with people I am both physically and emotionally compatible with.
        "Be what you're looking for."

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          #5
          ammcevoy,

          At his age, he should be banging your brains out a few times a day every day.

          Were I you, I'd find out why he'd rather do himself than do you.

          He sounds like he's sexually immature. If he doesn't get you off it's due to either his not caring about getting you off, which would mean that astkitty2 is dead on balls perfect (It's an industry term that I've stolen from Mona Lisa Vito.), or he hasn't a clue of how to get you off.

          There is nothing wrong with watching porn if you guys are watching it together. My ex-g/f stills gets horny watching porn. But we've always watched it together. I've always accommodated her porn preference (HUGE black studs). I didn't care what got her horny. I knew I was gonna benefit. But if he's watching it alone and assuring that he's excluding you, Beautiful Disaster has nailed it: it's seriously bad behavior that'll get worse and probably never better.

          He's forcing you to find another boyfriend, a dude who'll share his life with you and care about fulfilling your sexual needs. A wise dude learns very early that if his girl is sexually satisfied, there's nothing she won't do to satisfy him.

          BTW, do you know whether he has psychiatric issues?

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            #6
            Originally posted by WaveRider View Post
            ammcevoy,
            BTW, do you know whether he has psychiatric issues?
            He CLEARLY does. Whether these are sexual issues, or he's just chosen a passive way of ending the relationship by getting YOU to do it rather than manning up and ending it himself, that is obviously what he wants.
            We're making an assumption here that the boyfriend is near the girl's age, but... up through AT LEAST my 30s I was perfectly happy to have sex (...with a woman...) 3 times or more per day, so I'd say this "boyfriend" has a major problem.

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              #7
              Extensive use of pornography to masturbate can be and is a known addiction that can cause changes in a person's brain. I think this person has already told you what it means in his life. You'll never live up to his fantasy porn world. You'd do better to find a mate that cares about your pleasure.

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                #8
                Originally posted by cathygirl View Post
                Extensive use of pornography to masturbate can be and is a known addiction that can cause changes in a person's brain. I think this person has already told you what it means in his life. You'll never live up to his fantasy porn world. You'd do better to find a mate that cares about your pleasure.
                This is just a guess: women masturbate at least as often as men. My ex-g/f does it all the time, but she doesn't do it as a substitute for sex. I have no clue of how many times she's masturbated in front of me, often to get me aroused. I've never,ever cared. She's never denied sex to me in preference to masturbation.

                Research indicates that orgasms improve women's humor. I believe oxytocin that's released within women's brains during orgasm is euphoric.

                Masturbation is a behavior; however, I can reason it being an addiction if physical symptoms of wthdrawal manifest when stopped.

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                  #9
                  WR, I think Cathy's point was more toward use of porn, than masturbation itself.

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