I thought it'd be Easy

[WaveRider]

The first time I had sex with new girl...you've nailed it: I was thinking of my ex-g/f. When I see new girl naked, I envision my ex-g/f naked in front of me. I've excused my way out of sex with new girl. She just doesn't do it for me. I ain't feeling it for her, and she is good looking and extremely sexy.

Two choices: date no one until ex-g/f is a distant memory or reconcile with stipulations.

What the heck do I do?

[jns]

I always wondered how that would work since you were so physically attracted to your ex gf. You have given two possibilities. Let me add a third: go through the motions with the new lady to train your body to respond to her. You obviously like her personality and physical appearance. Work on letting go and being in the moment with her.

[muffin70]

well there must be a reason why she is your ex..... it will take time but you will probably get over your ex - I did with mine... then when I met my wife and saw her naked for the first time... all thoughts of my ex were well and truly gone!
when I first met my wife I didn't think she was the most stunning looking person on the planet, but I grew to love her.... she has a fantastic jiggly plus size body, large breasts and a pretty face...
if you don't feel things with the new G/F then that's probably not going to change

[atskitty2]

This is one reason why it's so important to get over one relationship, before trying to move on to another. You need time to mentally/emotionally move on from your ex. It doesn't mean you just go back to her, as you seem to be suggesting. You need to put time and distance there. As friends, you're still going to be seeing each other and you're going to be reminded of it all. Spend a nice long time apart. No hanging out, no sex, no shared dinners, no deep discussions after bottles of wine-nothing. Keep in touch via text or occasional call, but really, nothing for awhile. And explain to her why, so that she doesn't think you're abandoning the friendship.

You have to let go completely, of this attachment, before you can begin to form another.

[amy40]

Two choices: date no one until ex-g/f is a distant memory or reconcile with stipulations.
What the heck do I do?

think you're been going round on this since you've been a member
you've said you love ex g/f but you're not in love with her
that you're not going to see her again but then you do

it's like you can't be with her but you can't be without her

[WaveRider]

This is one reason why it's so important to get over one relationship, before trying to move on to another. You need time to mentally/emotionally move on from your ex. It doesn't mean you just go back to her, as you seem to be suggesting. You need to put time and distance there. As friends, you're still going to be seeing each other and you're going to be reminded of it all. Spend a nice long time apart. No hanging out, no sex, no shared dinners, no deep discussions after bottles of wine-nothing. Keep in touch via text or occasional call, but really, nothing for awhile. And explain to her why, so that she doesn't think you're abandoning the friendship.

You have to let go completely, of this attachment, before you can begin to form another.

atskitty2,

Your genius has again been revealed. You're right on the money. In fact, relationship experts agree with you, which makes you professor of relationship experts.

I've known that there has to be time between relationships: time sufficient to purge the old before creating memories with a new woman.

Most difficult to purge is comfort and knowledge we have of each other. We thoroughly know each other. Of course, the most incredible sex of my life is difficult to forget.

I rarely vacation during summer months. I don't do crowds. But I do know more than a few extremely remote locales. In a couple weeks, I'm gonna head due north until I'm so deep in the Rockies that no one knows what cell coverage is, and trout will hit anything I throw at 'em. A few weeks alone in Rocky Mountain solitude gets my head straight...most of the time. No phone, no 'net; just deer, lions, bears, elk, and trout. Sleeping under a canopy of a zillion stars, listening as night's predators hunt their prey, listening to the final cries of caught prey, peace and serenity of Mother Nature that is most unkind to the irreverent and extends rights to nothing, man or beast, and losing myself in unadulterated thought. Even better, I'm also much lighter coming out than going in. A few weeks in the Rockies is the best weight loss program, and it costs nothing.

atskitty2, you're 100% right right: it's most wise to start anew with vanquished memories of the last.

[Ashlee T.]

That plan sounds incredible WaveRider.

And I too agree with kitty. You either get back with the ex, or you commit to moving on. And in order to TRULY move on, you have to truly free yourself of this first.

I'm not one to tell you NOT to get back with your ex. After all, sometimes it takes losing something to really realize what we had (it shouldn't....but it sometimes does). BUT, you know in your heart if it's just loneliness of missing her and a natural healing process or not. And if it is, then letting her go for good is your best bet.

That's when it'll be time to move on.

[atskitty2]

It's hardly genius WR but thanks, others do use that term to describe me. lol

Just please realize, this isn't something you're going to purge from memory in a month of peace and tranquility in the mountains. This is years you've been essentially committed to this person. It's a great start, and it will surely help you clear your mind a bit. I'm not discouraging you, just be realistic that it's going to take a much longer time and commitment to mentally and emotionally be over this woman.

[WaveRider]

Hi Beautiful Disaster,

You're 100% right: I need time between us. The huge obstacle is communication between us. We know the same friends. I'll undoubtedly see her at friends' parties. I'd never bring a woman with me. I would never intentionally hurt her. Then there'll be help requests. Those always turn into sex.

I do know that I could never marry her. At least two of her kids are full whack-jobs. One's a dope who's easier fooled than convinced he's been fooled, and the other has no friends, is verbally abusive, is a recluse, and mom's her mom to share in her misery. I cannot be a part of that.

I need Rocky Mountain therapy.

[WaveRider]

Hi atskitty2,

You're right. A month in the Rockies is insufficient time between us. Maybe I'll pick up a ranching gig in Wyoming. There's a pronounced romantic facet of a rancher's life.

[Texasred]

I think JNS' idea was spot-on.

[Texasred]

But then Grand Lake is fine this time of year, and so is Jackson Hole!