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  • Having Sex

    Me and my girlfriend are trying to have sex both of us are virgins so don’t know what we’re doing. The issue is basically I can’t get it in as it’s so tight, every time I try it’s just so painful for her. It’s frustrating the both of us as we want to get the first time out the way so we can start enjoying it. Had plenty of lube when we’ve tried and that helped a bit. Any help would be appreciated.

  • Hey there! You're both going to have to exercise some patience. Lube helps for sure, but start with finger penetration. One finger, then as she gets comfortable with that use two fingers. Then as she gets comfortable with that, you may be able to move on to full intercourse. With protection too, I hope.
    "Be what you're looking for."

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    • Is her hymen still intact? Sometimes the hymen can be extra thick and require surgical cutting. You should be able to tell by seeing if you can insert a finger or two. Make sure you use lube and your fingernail is groomed so it is very short and smooth. If your fingers are rough you may want to use a condom or a thin rubber glove such as a nitrile or latex one.

      There are sets of small dildos used for gradually loosening up an extremely tight vagina.

      In rare cases, medical conditions cause extremely tightness that may or may not get better.

      Penetration may not be the end of your challenges. I once had sex with a young lady who was extremely tight even though she was not a virgin. It took about a half an hour to achieve penetration. After I reached orgasm, it took a long time for me to pull out (around 15 minutes) because she was so tight that the blood was trapped in my penis and the end was too large to comfortably withdraw. She wanted to have sex again since I was still hard and she had such a good time but I was painfully sensitive so I couldn't do two in a row. We sat quietly talking until enough blood had left. It took several attempts. It was kind of funny being stuck together.
      I have but one lamp by which my feet are guided, and that is the lamp of experience.
      ...
      Shall we gather strength by irresolution and inaction? Shall we acquire the means of effectual resistance by lying supinely on our backs and hugging the delusive phantom of hope, until our enemies shall have bound us hand and foot?

      From a speech by Patrick Henry on March 23, 1775 at St. John's Church, Richmond, Virginia

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      • Along with what BD and jns have said, I'd suggest a great big dose of RELAXation!
        I think women especially can be very tense their first time, and that doesn't help with the pain and difficulty experienced. We can be clinching our whole body, not even realizing it, and that interferes with arousal, with natural lubrication, and penetration.

        If she hasn't already, encourage her to go ahead and get a pelvic exam, just to rule out any physical causes like vaginismus.

        Comment

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