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Anal or not

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  • Anal or not

    My new boyfriend is obsessed with anal. He has been single for 12 years and cannot orgasm through vaginal intercourse, only through masturbation - which he does at least every day. I'm thinking he wants anal because it might add an extra bit of excitement and push him to orgasm. I have been trying to get used to anal but it hurts and it's very messy!! How do I say thanks but no thanks without hurting his feelings ?

  • Have you used extra lube?
    If you've tried everything, and you're just not into anal, the best way to tell him, is to just tell him. Explain that you've given it a try, and that it's just not for you, so you're finished putting effort into that. Then offer some other new things to try that may be enjoyable for you both.

    It shouldn't be the sort of thing to hurt his feelings. After all, it's nothing personal, right? You just don't enjoy it. Everyone has preferences, and things they like less.

    Comment


    • Thank you ! Great reply ???? Yes, its not personal I'm overthinking it !

      Comment


      • It's understandable. Just have a conversation openly and discuss ways that you both can be satisfied. Approaching it from a place of genuinely making an effort to please him, and yourself, should bring a positive outcome and avoid tension or hurt.

        Comment


        • I'm guessing he wants anal because it's a great deal tighter than most vaginas and he has gotten so accustomed to the tightness of his own hand that he cannot achieve the right friction through regular intercourse. This leaves me a bit concerned about your fella.

          While there is nothing wrong with anal sex, I am concerned that he knows he cannot achieve orgasm through vaginal intercourse yet he doesn't seem to be trying to do anything to fix that. Masturbating every day (if that is what has caused his inability to achieve orgasm through intercourse) isn't helping anything. Why doesn't he try giving that up for a while and working to establish a meaningful sexual relationship with you?

          Instead, it sounds like he is trying to make everything work to suit him without much regard for your needs.

          Anal sex is not for everyone. Some women love it. Other women find it incredibly painful and only do it on rare occasion just to "please their man". Some women will not do it at all. I don't ever advocate for a woman (or anyone) doing something that physically causes her pain just to please someone else.

          If he is not willing to work toward a healthy sexual relationship with you, I would strongly consider rethinking giving him the boyfriend title.

          "Be what you're looking for."

          Comment


          • Ashlee T. good point
            Administrator.

            Comment


            • Ashlee T. This looks like a great topic for an article! Many women have worries about having anal sex, just to please their guy. And, also how to talk about sexual preferences, how to say no in a nice way and communicate about sex are all important topics many women worry about.

              Comment

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