How do you deal with different preferences ?

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How do you deal with different preferences ?

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  • How do you deal with different preferences ?

    Hi,
    I'm new here and would like to address an issue with you ...
    I'm a 40 y o mom of 2 with an okay/satisfactory sexlife. Meaning that my husband and I have got regular (+- 2× week) sex. However, there is something him and I do not agree on and I was wondering if any of you has had a similar "issue" and how you dealt with it ?
    Our issue is the following : I love to watch a man get hard and masturbate. Nothing turns me on more and I get really horny real fast. The problem is that my husband simply refuses to masturbate for me. He says "wanking is for hormonal teens", not something a married man does. I would absolutely love to see him lay a hand on himself but he refuses to.... Eventhough he knows it turns me on, a lot, he won't do it. I've asked him on several occasions and he simply refuses. He does, however, like to watch ME "help myself". I do so because it makes him go really hard and he just does me hard and horny right after. But when I tell him that I would like to go off on him, he shuts down and resents it.
    As much as I love my husband, I often resort to watching porn-videos of men masturbating while "taking care of myself". I get twice as wet and horny then than any given time with my husband. Also, the orgasms I get on these occasions, are much bigger and much more intense. Sometimes I just make it a quick rub (from watching, I literally go soaking wet in 1 minute and it takes me less than 3 min to come, if I surrender to it) other times I'll take my time and go there slowly, but I always climax screaming and moaning on these occasions; something my husband has never been able to do to me.
    I've told him this, that I would love to have this experience with him, but he won't budge....
    I do feel guilty for resorting to porn but it's the only way to have that "variety" in our otherwise satisfactory sexlife, eventhough I would prefer to have this experience with him, and have him "do me" afterwards....
    Has any of you ever had a similar situation where you liked something that your partner didn't and how did you solve this with him/her ?

  • I'm curious, does he not help himself like a supposed teenager without you? Ever?

    Also curious what you've said over the years to try to convince him?

    Generally, I'm in the camp of not strongly pushing for anyone to explore sexually beyond their comfort zone. This is rather benign tho, so I'm interested in more details. Do you think that he really just feels awkward or weird expressing himself in that way with you?

    I also enjoy that, tho I've never had a man refuse. I explain that I like to see what they do, because it is a great demonstration of what they like most. They will do to themselves what feels best, so I can then play off that, and bring them more pleasure. It turns me on to please him.

    It seems simple I guess. My current partner, I asked him early on to do that for me. He thought it was weird, so I told him my reasoning. He was really into it then, and weeks later told me he was actually really impressed by it, that I was willing to ask and that his pleasure was that important to me.

    So, tho I realize this is more for your pleasure, maybe the increased communication, and making it about him, would do the trick?
    If you ask every time, maybe give it a break for awhile and revisit the idea later. I will check back to see your response.

    Comment


    • My g/f loves mutual masturbation. She's done it since her late teens/early twenties. Guys of her youth lacked knowledge of female orgasm. Finally she resorted to masturbation after sex. She saw how much it turned on guys, so she made it a habit to give them a show. To this very day, she'll often masturbate in front of me. And she has loved to watch guys masturbate in front of her. In fact it turned her on to know that she turned on guys. I believe that that is a universal trait of women.

      Were I younger, I'd do it for her. There is absolutely nothing wrong with a guy masturbating for a woman who wants it. When a man is in love with a woman, he'll do anything (within reason) for her.

      Comment

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