[Coraline]

Hello everyone, I'll try to be brief about this (though as a woman I could be talking about it for hours).
I am together with my boyfriend for 6 months. We know each other for 2,5 years but we haven't been dating till last May. We live together since the first day we decided to be a couple. We are very much in love with one another and we spent our last 2 months making our home. All seems perfect except him keep expressing, rather frequeanty, that he wants to get married.
I don't understand what it is he hopes to get extra by getting married since from my part it wouldn't change our lives to become better not a tiny bit. I personally hate the whole affair of the wedding and I never plan to go through this.
Our conversations go like that
him: 'oh we are so nicely I want at some point, when you feel ready, to get married'
me: 'that will not happen' or sth like that and then he gets moody.

Hot do I explain to him that our life is wonderful as it is and we don't need stupid ceremonies or state papers to certify our love?

PS: He is not a religious person and he has already been married once for 1 month.

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Easy, your a strong personality with a happiness of togetherness without the papers.

He probably is scared of loosing you.

Be more honest and straight forward and tell him how you honestly feel about him and on-going assure him of your love and it's purely your believe it's paper maybe one day.

He needs to feel secure that's all.


Imagine it in reverse?

You would be wondering if he will ever commit to you, is there something you don't know.

Just reasure him of your love. On-going for the time being.

CW

[Searching_82]

If you don't want to do it...don't do it. You will regret it if you go against your will Trust me

[Guest]

+1 to what CW said.

when it's the right time you will know.

[crzyredhead21]

Sounds like he was seriously hurt from his past marriage. Or it coudl be that his parents relationship was not that stable and he is over compensating by rushing into such a strong commitment. Trying to prove that he can do better, be a better husband/person. All theory though.

Bottom line.. don't let him talk you into something you're not comfortable with. You will end up regrettign it on way or another.

[WildChild]

If you aren't ready don't do it. Far too many people get married just because it's expected. If he needs some kind of ceremony or something you could look into various traditions, how about a year and a day? Something that signifies a commitment at least for that period of time and in that time no questions of marriage, then each year you can decide if you wish to renew it.

[Coraline]

Thank you all for your responses. I have to admin that I haven't thought of those things before but now that I consider them they make total sense.

His parents have a very solid marriage and he considers them a model couple. After his divorce his relationships with his parrents went truly bad, they didn't have any sort of communication for a whole year and it took them about 4 years to restore their relationship. So I agree he has the need to prove that he can be a good husband.

Also our getting together delayed for so long because although he liked me from ever since he met me (or at least he claims so) he never felt ( and still doesn't feel) comfortable with my sense of independance. He is a bit scared of having a woman that doesn't need him for any practical reason.

Since I posted this post the matter poped up again while we were discussing about a friend getting married (being in our ealry 30s,we get a lot of wedding invitations from friends) and it ended up rather nasty with him saying 'ok when I feel like it I will propose and you can say no' which sounded a bit like a threat to my (admittedly oversensitive on the subject) ears.