[tritonalum07]

Hi everyone. I haven't been on here in a while but I find myself looking for some support from someone who's been through this situation. My boyfriend is my best friend, and I'm his. I've known from the beginning that he suffers from alcoholism, because his parents started letting him drink when he was very small and it eventually got out of control. His situation sucks right now, frankly. He had a few DUI's, so he can't drive, and he has to go to addiction recovery classes which he has to pay for. At the same time, his entire paycheck always goes towards something--the mortgage on his house, his phone bill, legal expenses, etc. Because he was laid off from his well paying construction job, he now makes much less than he used to doing landscaping. He hates his job. If I were an alcoholic, I would be so frustrated in that situation that I'd probably drink too.

Add to all this his older brother is living with him, but doesn't pay for ANYTHING. In fact, when his brother does have money, it mysteriously disappears on beer. For a recovering alcoholic, having someone in your family that's supposed to care about, who is living with you, and who drinks in front of you is horrible

I've been trying to support him the best I can. It's been almost two weeks since he's had a drink, and I can tell he's frustrated, but he's really trying. At the same time, every time we're together, I'm so worried about what he's thinking (I have an anxiety disorder), I can't relax. I constantly want to ask him how he's doing with the not drinking thing, but that would just be nagging and that's not productive. Because of his situation, he's super frustrated--and he has every reason to be--and I don't think he realizes how hard this is for me to deal with because I hide it very well. I need emotional support, but I can't ask for it from him right now. I know my best friend, and I know when he's tapped full with stress. I don't want to add to it. At the same time, I need someone to listen to me and help me and give me hope that his brother will move out, the market will come back so he can get out of his financial situation, and there is hope for his alcoholism.

In need of some encouragement....

[WildChild]

Making changes can be hard. Why is his brother with him? It does sound like it would be better if he were gone. You can be there for him but this is something he has to do for himself. Try to give him encouragement but with this economic mess was years in the making and will take time to resolve.

[caterpillar79]

While having him attend a group such as AA to help him move further is an option in addition to your nurturing support, he needs to man up his situation, both financially, mentally and emotionally.

Be careful not to depend on his "OK condition" as a seal leading to your happiness - that is codependence.

Be there for him, but don't let him be your world and all. You have your issues too. Having been in a similar situation, (WC being my witness), I learned that if I do my best to improve myself first, then can I only be a better support to someone - that being my best friend - him.

[p3375]

Dear, been there, done that.
The BEST way to help him is for you to meet up and attend meetings with a local ALANON group. This will give you tons of support from other's in the same situation and will give some real tools for you to use.
P

[Joy]

I would agree Alanon will help you help him. In this caregiver state that you are in don't neglect yourself. You need time for happiness and carefree fun in your life too. If you are always dealing with his problem, his sickness you will become burned out. Remember to renew yourself. Then this will help you be positive around him when things are glum for him.

Good luck to you both I wish you much success.

[songbird]

He can only help himself. If u are stressing..that isnt healthy my friend. You can be supportive, but just dont stress, if its causing you to do so, then u need to step back.