[kygirl]

Remember, this is hard for him, not that he's left her, but that he has to work it right so he still has something from it.. Don't stress and don't stress him.. Do what people are telling you, it's early days sweet and it's everything else that your frightened of coupled with the fear of him going back, so it's all fear.

He wouldn't be with you if he didn't want to.. You know that.. So enjoy the relationship and don't add obsticles to it

Thanks CW... I know you're right too... I mean, he 1) doesn't have to be with me if he doesn't want to be and 2) I dont' believe after what all they went through that he'd do this if it didnt' feel right for him. I mean, it's not like he was looking to find a girlfriend and all.

I just let my own insecurities make me nervous and without seeing him, my mind wanders. I know it does, and a lot of my fears are silly. That's the best way to explain them, and when he's in front of me and we're together, I wouldn't second guess him for a second.

I just need to note that this is going to take some time. Probably longer than I anticipated. I don't want him to take a huge loss on things. I just have to trust him.

[Ashlee T.]

I hear you. As a fellow "relationship warrior", I seem to be always looking for some sort of reason it is or isn't going to work. But the way I see it, the guys you have pushed away.....they may have been good, they may have been GREAT, but they weren't for you. You're smart, strong, and beautiful woman. You're no mean evil witch that breaks hearts like kit kat bars. Seriously, you pushed them away for a reason. Maybe you subconsciously sensed they weren't right for you. Why did you try so hard to keep the one that didn't deserve you? Because you're competitive, strong willed, hard headed........and not only was it a challenge but you didn't want to be rejected.

Do I blame you for the concerns you have? Not a bit. In the eyes of the law he's still married, on paper he's still married, and if he jumped up tomorrow and started chatting with his wife again, you'd feel little right to say too much because well....she's his wife. You're also smart enough to realize that until his totally 100% divorced and done with it, there will be little chance of you two becoming committed in that way, whether by engagement or marriage.

I have confidence in you. I know some of us are worry warts.....but I truly feel that if you're worrying you have a reason to do so. I think the worries you mentioned are totally legitimate concerns to have. You just have to decide how you're going to deal with them. Nagging, or being the fussy girlfriend won't work........so what will? Don't put all your heart and soul into something so new......"guard thy heart for it is the wellspring of life". It's too soon yet to pour yourself into something so much so that you might "give up" if it doesn't work. In other words, stop pressuring yourself into something more serious than the relationship is ready for.

He needs to understand where you stand, and that you can only allow your feelings to go so far as long as he's still married. And you need to understand that too....

[CHANDLERS WISH]

Then write this on a post it sticker

TRUST
LOVE
NO FEAR

And post it on your mirror

[Mes T]

I'm a relationship worrier too BUT I have LEARNED from my past mistakes and now am pretty good at keeping my wandering thoughts in check.

As long as you're improving as a person from your past experiences, it'll all be fine.

Unfortunately worrying too much can start to make you imagine problems that aren't actually there, and that's just bad for everyone involved, so it's best to nip those thoughts in the bud.

[kygirl]

BD, very valid points... I wish I was a bit better at guarding my heart, but ya know, I am just all or nothing the way I always have been. I can't help it I am doing my best to be reasonable but as a wise woman once said "A woman in love can't be reasonble or she wouldn't be in love"

CW, I hear ya... That's what I have to tell myself...IF it's worth the reward, it's worth the risk. This is the most "real" thing I've had in a long time. Not forced, not fake...that's probably why it scares me so much. But you can't have true love without trust. They go hand in hand... Just have to hope for hte best and trust him. HE's not given me a reason not to, and I shouldn't make him pay for what past guys have done just like I wouldn't want to have to pay for things his ex did...