[herbie]

i think there is someone else in the picture .....he can,t face you to tell you after all his forever promises .....easier for him to bail........Sorry better now then after being married

[CHANDLERS WISH]

I get the impression your both playing games.

There was a serious conversation once you moved in about children which had mixed discussions, emotions.

You have said that, you would "bet" he'd come back to you if you didn't contact him, because he'd miss you taking care of him, the house...

You have said that you dated and you don't want it to go back to where it was, don't expect it to, then said but you still love him.

He's going out with someone but says it's not serious.

Both parents are telling you it's normal to move on fast.

I think both of you are "saving grace" not truly speaking openly and honestly about anything really and there is so much confusion it's easier to just let it be.

Seems you only want to know that it's a rebound, doesn't mean anything. That's understandable, you want to know that your first and his, was love.

You seem to judge the past relationship as not real because you were engaged. That's a good sign that he did love you more for sure. But see where it seems it's all a guessing game?

The only way to know is to talk to him properly, tell him what you wanted from him with your life, how you have a hard time communicating how you feel and possibly so did he.

I think he knows you wont move on yet, sexually. Maybe, he's playing a game as well to let you see, you can't ignore him and then question his intentions with someone else.

I think it's time to communicate with him. We can't second guess really.. And, relationships that have a connection, commitment need honest, deep, real conversation.

CW

[Ashlee T.]

My opinion is that you all were moving along in the way you thought you "should", getting engaged, moving in, etc. He met someone that sparked his interest, and perhaps he's not the cheating type, so he started to doubt his feelings for you, and wanted you out of the picture quickly so he could see what happened with this other person.

My best advice to you is to leave this alone. Know that what's meant to be will happen, and that you CANNOT allow yourself to be jerked around because of someone elses doubts.

To me, the children or no children thing was brought up as an excuse. At this point, he was looking for a quick way out, and so he dug up anything he could to make what he was doing excusable and to leave you feeling like it was your fault.......and it seems he succeeded. So what has he accomplished? He got you out of his house almost as quick as he got you in. He blamed the break up on you, your feelings, your actions, so now he has no responsibility in it. He pursued whomever this was he was clearly already interested in, knowing that you're going to be sitting back trying to "fix" yourself so that he'll want you back. He knows you're not going to move on this soon.....and he knows that if things dont work out with chicky he can crawl right back in.

So.......will you set this as a precedent for yourself? Will you decide today that it's okay to be treated that way be someone who's supposed to love you? It's not that I don't believe in second chances, I just think we pass them out much too freely and our 2nd chance often gets us a 2nd heartbreak.

You need answers from him.......you're not going to get the answers you want. He's not going to tell you "I was interested in someone else.....and so I broke up with you, someone I've been with for over a year, to be with someone I don't even know.". Find your answers within yourself and try very hard not to make yourself that girl. You know, THAT girl that the guy KNOWS he can dump, yank around, go have his flings when he wants, say I'm sorry and come crawling back home. Don't be that girl. And if you do end up back with him, you need to make sure you establish that you're not that girl.

[kygirl]

I hate to say it but I agree with BD... Obviously you were willing to discuss having children and you had a reason for being freaked out previously on having children (btw, when I was 21, I went through a phase where I had NO desire to have kids which changed when I hit about 26 or so)...

BUT the point being that I think he knew this girl before and probably realized that maybe this had all moved fast and wasn't really what he wanted right now. 21 is young. i'm not saying it can't work because it can... BUT you still have a LOT of life left in front of you. You should spread your wings a bit, see what is out there... Maybe you'll still want to be with him, maybe you won't, but I think he's trying to move on, whatever you want to call her and maybe you should do the same...

[shaunzie89]

The only way to know is to talk to him properly, tell him what you wanted from him with your life, how you have a hard time communicating how you feel and possibly so did he.

I think he knows you wont move on yet, sexually. Maybe, he's playing a game as well to let you see, you can't ignore him and then question his intentions with someone else.

I think it's time to communicate with him. We can't second guess really.. And, relationships that have a connection, commitment need honest, deep, real conversation.

CW

Yeah, I totally understand what you mean. But its really hard to try and communicate with him because of this new girl. I haven't been texting him or anything. I do not want to seem desperate, crazy or stalkerish trying to get his attention. Plus, I don't want to annoy him and I imagine if he ever wants to talk he will get in touch with me. I am trying to let it be but it is SO difficult to because I keep thinking of what we had together and how amazing it was. I just still wonder if he thinks about me and how much this new girl actually means to him. I know for a fact he did not cheat on me. I feel like he has been ignoring me rather than me ignoring him. I constantly think about him, but I don't know if he does about me. I am just trying to wait and see what happens. I may be totally wrong, but I don't think this new relationship will last very long.

[shaunzie89]

My opinion is that you all were moving along in the way you thought you "should", getting engaged, moving in, etc. He met someone that sparked his interest, and perhaps he's not the cheating type, so he started to doubt his feelings for you, and wanted you out of the picture quickly so he could see what happened with this other person.

My best advice to you is to leave this alone. Know that what's meant to be will happen, and that you CANNOT allow yourself to be jerked around because of someone elses doubts.

To me, the children or no children thing was brought up as an excuse. At this point, he was looking for a quick way out, and so he dug up anything he could to make what he was doing excusable and to leave you feeling like it was your fault.......and it seems he succeeded. So what has he accomplished? He got you out of his house almost as quick as he got you in. He blamed the break up on you, your feelings, your actions, so now he has no responsibility in it. He pursued whomever this was he was clearly already interested in, knowing that you're going to be sitting back trying to "fix" yourself so that he'll want you back. He knows you're not going to move on this soon.....and he knows that if things dont work out with chicky he can crawl right back in.

So.......will you set this as a precedent for yourself? Will you decide today that it's okay to be treated that way be someone who's supposed to love you? It's not that I don't believe in second chances, I just think we pass them out much too freely and our 2nd chance often gets us a 2nd heartbreak.

You need answers from him.......you're not going to get the answers you want. He's not going to tell you "I was interested in someone else.....and so I broke up with you, someone I've been with for over a year, to be with someone I don't even know.". Find your answers within yourself and try very hard not to make yourself that girl. You know, THAT girl that the guy KNOWS he can dump, yank around, go have his flings when he wants, say I'm sorry and come crawling back home. Don't be that girl. And if you do end up back with him, you need to make sure you establish that you're not that girl.

If he has doubts, then we don't need to be together. And you are right, I refuse to be that girl. But I am afraid if he ever changes his mind, I will go right back to him. Of course, I would make everything start back out slow and trust would have to be re-established. It did seem like alot of excuses in the end to get out of it because I don't think he knew how to handle it and wanted to see what was out there. I have no idea what is wrong with him. I don't know if he's playing some sort of game with me to see if I'll just be waiting around, I have no idea. I don't think he would do that but you never know.

He didn't really blame the break up on me. He kept saying "its not you, its me." "we aren't right for each other, i don't think." But it just seemed totally out of the blue. A week before he was totally happy. He told me that I did absolutely nothing wrong.

Plus, any contact I have had with him since he always says "I'll talk to you later, or this definitely won't be the last time we talk." I have no idea what that means. Hahaha. I guess that is good news because if he never wanted to talk to me ever again, he would have said so.

[Hayleen]

He didn't really blame the break up on me. He kept saying "its not you, its me." "we aren't right for each other, i don't think." But it just seemed totally out of the blue. A week before he was totally happy. He told me that I did absolutely nothing wrong.

Every time I've heard anyone say, "it's not you, its me" they aren't kidding. It is something that they don't want to tell you though. We all tell little secrets about ourselves without realizing it. If you listen to what he's said and other clues unbiasedly you will see that it is he who was having a problem longer than you think. I agree that he probably didn't want to cheat or feel like he was so came up with whatever he could to move on out of the relationship. Men, in general, I feel, often move on much quicker than women do after a relationship. As a young widow, I see this often by how quickly widowers get remarried within 2yrs, 5x as fast as widows do.

Good luck to you. My advise ... no contact what so ever for 1 month, then see how you feel.

[shaunzie89]

Got a call from him this Monday. (6/14) I was rather surprised actually. Got my hopes up though, he was just calling to ask about something on the bank account. Long story, don't really need to give the information here. I asked him how he was and how his work was going. He asked if I was okay and stuff. I was on vacation this week and told him I was in Florida. This is how the conversation ended.

"Well, that's all I needed. Have fun in Florida."
"Alright."
"I'll talk to you later."
"Alright."

I played it cool, did not tell him I missed him or anything.
This is the second time he has done this. Plus, I do believe this means that he has not deleted my number from his phone. He never could remember if off the top of his head anyways, he always went through the address book on his phone and hit my name. He never actually typed out the number because he could never remember it. Hahaha.

Plus, I found it odd that he would call me about something so random. When I learned about this new relationship afterwards, he texted me about me and I had to call him. If I hadn't called him, I probably wouldn't have gotten any answers.

So, any thoughts on this? Do you think maybe it was an excuse to talk to me? I find phone calls to be much more personal than texts. Just curious as to why he did it that way. And for the love of pete, what is this "I'll talk to you later." stuff about? I mean honestly, if you were completely over me and never wanted to talk to me then you wouldn't say that. I mean with a new girlfriend and all. I know its common to say that to people in common conversation but not really to your exes. I have no idea what this means.