[kygirl]

No rhyme, no reason, no nothing?

I never really got the impression that he was that immature and selfish.

I guess I was really wrong.

You know P. I honestly feel the same way. I wish he would have talked to me before, explained what he was feeling, why he didn't think it'd work, what he needed. He was always on to me to do that, and then he didn't apparently respect my feelings enough to do the same.

I still look back and think "did I see this coming?" and I didn't. The only moment I really had a glimmer of maybe it's about to was about 2 minutes before and I really thought I was blowing it out of proportion.

We'd ridden out quite a bit with each other and I really cannot pinpoint what would have gotten him on this line of thinking or what made him decide Friday was the night.

[KMonte85]

Wow, what a way to go about it... I really have very little respect for people who act so casually when ending a relationship. I mean, a TEXT?! C'mon.. you've been together long enough and were serious enough that he owed it to you to not do something like that over the phone. And just to say, uh yeah - I don't want to date you anymore. Just like that... Really?! I get that he's not an emotional person, but to say that's cold is an understatement.

I'm very sorry ky, you don't deserve to be treated like that. If he was thinking about ending the relationship, fine.. there's not much that can be done about that I guess, but the way he chose to do it really stinks and adds insult to injury. I hope you know that you are an awesome person, you are going to get through this, and you will be a better person because of it.

[pretzel]

You know P. I honestly feel the same way. I wish he would have talked to me before, explained what he was feeling, why he didn't think it'd work, what he needed. He was always on to me to do that, and then he didn't apparently respect my feelings enough to do the same.

I still look back and think "did I see this coming?" and I didn't. The only moment I really had a glimmer of maybe it's about to was about 2 minutes before and I really thought I was blowing it out of proportion.

We'd ridden out quite a bit with each other and I really cannot pinpoint what would have gotten him on this line of thinking or what made him decide Friday was the night.

I think this is why this why this is so puzzling for you and quite honestly for your friends here also. Without him telling what it was that led to why he did this you'll be beating yourself up trying to get inside his head. That's not the best for you right now. You're too young and beautiful with a wonderful full life ahead of you to try to rationalize this.

[Ashlee T.]

"I don't want to date you anymore.". All I could spit out was an okay

That's it? Good grief....he dated you all this time, and more than just "dated" you, had a serious exclusive relationship with you, and he felt he owed you no more than that? That's pretty shameful.

Part of me is just so over trying anymore.

Quit trying girl. Yes, I said it....quit trying. You put SO much of yourself into everything you do, you try so hard, you're brilliant, competitive, energectic, focused, ambitious, motivated, and the list goes on and on. But this is ONE area of your life where you just need to sit back and not work so hard.

The more I think about it, the more hurt I am that he handled it the way he did.

Rightfully so. You all have been dating for quite some time now, spending lots of time together, spending many nights together, etc. He owed you more than a "I don't want to date you anymore". But one thing about him I do think is the case for sure is that he avoids confrontation. But in this case, it made him look like an insensitive cowardly jerk.

I've had a few big heartbreaks.... and I know you have too. Every time it happens I think that one is the worst one. But the beautiful thing in it, is that as time passes I look back and am so grateful for the lessons those heartbreaks taught me. So now's the time to focus on you....focus on self improvement. Ask yourself, "did I accept things I shouldn't have accepted in this relationship?", "Was I willing to overlook things that were important to me in order to stay in this relationship?", etc etc. With time, and reflection, you'll get the answers you need. But seek them not from him......only from yourself.

[kygirl]

Thanks BD! I know you're right. It's just going to take a bit of time to process it all, but I can't let it get me in a bad place. I just am trying to feel out what I feel. Work through it and move on. Right now I'm mostly sad and angry today. But I can only feel what I feel and learn what I can learn. The rational side of me knows this The irrational side is just very present right now.

it helps TREMENDOUSLY that I have my friends here and such amazing online friends as well to talk me through it. I'm sure I'll have moments where I am immensely upset still but I did the best I could do. I really think that. I don't have any regrets with how I acted and I really did try. If that still wasn't good enough then it just wasnt.

I'm going to try to spend the next 9-12 months working on a job, and finishing school and maybe just going out with a bunch of people and just enjoying myself. I think you're right that I do try too hard. It's all I've ever known I guess To give 110% but I think for a while I should let someone else do a bit more of the work. I have enough choices to worry about the next few months.

I know I'll be okay. It hurts, yes. But I know it'll be okay.

[Ashlee T.]

But I can only feel what I feel and learn what I can learn. The rational side of me knows this The irrational side is just very present right now.

You're exactly right. When you're hearts involved, sometimes it's hard to be rational ALL the time. Just be strong, avoid your urges to contact him, avoid urges to check up on him........just try really really hard to eliminate him from your life at this point. And handle him as coldly as he handled you if he does at any point in the near future contact you.

I think once this initial hurt is over, this time is going to be REALLY good for you.

[KMonte85]

I'm going to try to spend the next 9-12 months working on a job, and finishing school and maybe just going out with a bunch of people and just enjoying myself. I think you're right that I do try too hard. It's all I've ever known I guess To give 110% but I think for a while I should let someone else do a bit more of the work. I have enough choices to worry about the next few months.

This is so great to read. Your game plan is spot on! This tells me that you're on your way and are going to be all the better off because of it! Good for you ky - you're family and friends all know how fantastic you are, and I can't say enough (again) how awesome it is to read that you're taking this situation as an opportunity, and not a setback, even with how hurtful it is