[ilovecupcakes]

I'm engaged, I didn't tell him about 2 consentual sex encounters I had, prior to meeting him.

I regret not talking about this when we had our soul to soul talk. Now I feel like I'm hiding something from him and feel a little guilty about it.

prior meaning before u met him right? i think thats fine.. when you started your relationship you have been honest through the whole thing? about things now not your past. i think that thats fine. Past stuff you can share or you dont have to, but if its during the relationship then i definatley thing that a person should know. I really could care less what my boyfriend did before me. But if something happened during our relationship, i would want to know.

Dont sweat it, your fine.
thats nothing compared to my past. and ive been honest about 50% of it.

[caterpillar79]

I would reiterate what SP and WC said about pasts. Put it behind you (thought I myself have been struggling because of the trauma it caused me), learn from it and move on as you already are doing. "The truth" about your life is only for people who deserve it, and sometimes, your past doesn't have to be in it, unless it is necessary.

OP,I wouldn't marry a man who is judgemental and has anger-issues though. I won't be around a man who overreacts to a situation when he is angry, it would surely drain me emotionally.

When my husband proposed to me, it was about 2 months after he broke up with me, with reasons I might not be able to comprehend altogether. But during the break, I messed up big time..suitors here and there, dated men and actually filled my schedule, and I did really foolish and worst things that mostly women on rebound commit. Then he came to me and proposed, but did he ask about my past in detail (past meaning during the break, and all the foolish things I've done) - NO! He probably read most of it in my blog here, but I didn't even have to answer any question from him. He accepted me for who I was, am and will be. That is love.

[stressed]

Maybe the past is past, but I think parts of it always come back at various stages in our lives. It made us who we are today.

Something physical that happened in the past may come back many years later (i.e. after a pregnancy/other medical issue). Other issues may be what makes us give good advice on the same subject that we would only be able to give because we have the experiences we do.

It's up to you to decide what to do, there's no right or wrong. Personally, it has been better for me admitting parts of my past I'd wouldn't normally share (and I've done some bad things as well), than not to. Somehow, no matter how bad the acts were, admitting them made the others respect me a lot more for doing so.

[lonestar]

I mean, I think he should know. But that doesn't mean you have to give the dirty details...

[WildChild]

My point in a nutshell is why would you want to be with a man who cannot accept who you really are? Warts and all, so to speak.

[RB123]

So I know a little about what you are feeling. I was never raped, but I had a really wild life drinking, sleeping around and hooking up with guys. Most of them I did not know and never saw again. However, for me, when I met my boyfriend, I told him how many people I had been with. I guess my number wasn't that high, but just the fact that I didn't know any of the guys was hard for me to let him know. But for me, I felt like I was hiding something about myself from him and I didn't like that feeling. I think if it isn't something that bothers you, it doesn't matter if you don't say anything. I just felt like if I didn't tell him about all of me, he wouldn't be able to love all of me. Like, I mislead him into this relationship with me without letting him decide what was too much for him. I think extreme detail is unnecessary. You don't have to tell him what happened every time, just the truth on the numbers and your traumas. And just like he doesn't trust women for whatever reason, it could be that you don't trust him either. Trust that if you give him this delicate information about your traumatic experiences with men that he will be able to handle it and be the support you need.

To be honest, my boyfriend didn't even care; he just wanted to know all of me and my past is part of who I am. If this guy loves you, even if he gets angry, he will get it. And if he doesn't, then you can find someone who will forgive the things in your past and love the person you've become. You can explain beforehand why you lied so you can show him that you aren't a liar, just scared. And you just love him so much.

Also, if you want to see any progress in your own life, you have to stick with therapy. I've been in therapy for 6 years and I feel like I am just figuring out who I am. We build up so many walls that even if you have a specific issue to discuss, there is so much more to it than just what happened. It's what's happened and how you have built your life around these incidences. I am a HUGE advocate for therapy because of how much it's helped me. And you can work with therapists about the money issue if you decide to go regularly.

Good luck!

[PandaPaws]

Well if you don't want him to know, i hope he doesn't know your screenname on here... make sure of it.

[BabyGirl]

If you told him you were once a " Party Girl " and yes slept around back then.
Then that should be enough info. You don't drink anymore ( Congrats) and you have changed for the better.

I would simply say that both you and he have done things you may not be proud of, things you cannot go back and undo. Your Past and his Past are just that , The Past.... You can both look to the future and build a loving, trusting relationship.

For several reasons, I would just keep it as " Before I met you I was a Party Girl".
One reason is, you said he would judge you.. If he loves you he will only judge you from the time you met.

Two, is that say you told him every detail, that will most likely seeth deep in his conscience, " She slept with So & So, or this many" ...Anytime you have a fight your past will come up.

Three, it is not actually lying if you just stick to the facts... the facts that you partied when younger and was promiscious, and no longer are that way.

You can explain that you love him for who he is , not for who he was before you and he became involved. You can offer the basic's of being a bit Wild and suggest you both be tested for STD's if the past is a concern.

There were women in his life before you and men in your life before him. Knowing all the little details has no benifit to your future together...