[Jex]

I'm not sure if this is much spoken about, or even spoken about at all on this site. I apologise if it's not and has to be deleted or something.

Lately I have been having alot of problems with my bloke smoking drugs, I love him to bits and we have been together for ages now and have always been ok apart from the usual arguments about money and time etc. But for the past month or so smoking drugs and having a beer with his mates seems like all he wants to do, he blames it on being bored which is basically saying that im boring as we haven't spent a whole evening together for ages and i hate sitting with all of his mates breathing in all of their filthy smoke. I have tried everything to try and get him to stop, iv tried to make them smoke in the bar outside; it's to cold, I have had numerous arguments with him about it; he's not bothered and always wins the argument as i end up giving in because i have problems of my own to deal with at the moment, I have tried being nice and speaking to him about it; still doesn't work as he says he won't do it, i believe him and then he goes against everything I'v said and does it again, I have tried reasoning with him by saying that we should have four nights a week where he doesn't do it, and he can do what he likes for the other three. Basically I have tried everything in my power to get him to stop.
When he does it I feel so unatracted to him and he discusts me. It makes me feel like he has to do it to be happy, when i used to be the thing that made him happy and now i have been replaced by a drug.
Lately I have come up with a new way to try and make him stop which is to go and stay with my sister whenever he is high. But he really doesn't seem to care.
What can i do? the close friends that i have spoken to about it seem to all say to finish with him, but when your emotionally attached to somebody and they are apart of your life and daily routine that is the hardest thing to do, i really don't want to just give up on him because i know that he can be the most amazing loving boyfriend I could ever wish for.
I know that Christmas's are very hard for him as he lost his mother early last year, but he knows i try and make everything better for him.

The worst thing of it all is that we are trying for a baby, and i just can't seem to get pregnant we've tried evrything. Could this be the thing that is bothering him?
We have spoken about it and he seems pretty confident that it will happen in it's own time and that it doesn't bother him that it hasn't happened yet.

Sorry that this is long winded i just need some overview of all of this going on, and how to deal with it.
Thanks x

[kristalyn_04]

Is it pot that he's smoking or is he doing harder drugs? Does he smoke in the house/ apartment? I'm not sure if pot is legal where you are, but if it is, it's his choice to smoke it and not much you can do about that, just like with people that smoke cigarettes. Of course the ideal thing would be for him to stop, all you can do is talk to him about it and let him know how it's making you feel and how it's affecting your relationship. However, you have the right to not be exposed to it if you don't want to, and he should respect that at the very least. He shouldn't do it in front of you, and especially not in the house where you can breathe it in and be affected by it.

Drugs is a nasty addiction, and depending on how hard the drugs are and how severe the addiction is, it can take over someone's whole life and become the reason for their existence. The only thing that will make him stop is if he hits bottom and realizes that this isn't the life he wants. If you can't rationalize with him or get him to respect your position on this, then I'm afraid your only choices here are to leave, or wait until he hits bottom (which could be a very long time, if ever). Is this really the environment you want to bring a baby into? I would hope not.

[Ashlee T.]

i really don't want to just give up on him because i know that he can be the most amazing loving boyfriend I could ever wish for.

Maybe he CAN be.......but the reality is that he is NOT. Stop fighting for something that you thought you once had. Look at what you truly have in reality:
You have a boyfriend that smokes drugs (not sure if you're talking about weed or crack or something else).
You have a boyfriend that not only will not stop the drugs, but does not respect you enough to compromise.
You a boyfriend that subjects you to his secondhand drug smoke and doesn't respect you enough to at least do it elsewhere.
You have a boyfriend who would rather sit with his friends and get high than to spend time with you.
You have a boyfriend who doesn't really even care if you're there or not.
You have a boyfriend who says he's so "bored" that he's resorted to drugs to give him something to do.

Now I ask you.......whether you've been with him for years or not........what are you doing with this man?

On to the pregnancy part. I think it's safe to say that this relationship is NOT ready to bring a child into the world. This man is nowhere near ready to bring a child into the world. But you think that would make him stop smoking...right? It might. But most likely, once the newness of the baby wore off, he'd be right back at it.

Marijuana has an affect on male fertility. Marijuana causes obstruction in sperm mobility and can reduce the sperm count, thus decreasing its effectiveness. It also decreases the volume of seminal fluid. The sperm of Marijuana smokers moves too fast at the early stage of swimming and burns out even before the process of fertilization, thus causing temporary infertility. But these effects are not permanent and can be reversed within 30 days of stopping Marijuana's use.

You do not want to bring a child into the world to try to fix your relationship. Okay? Please consider this and please stop trying to get pregnant. Now is clearly not the time. Deal with your relationship first.

[Colorado]

This doesn't really sound like a relationship at all.

You may have false belief and a desire for it to be a relationship - but it takes two to tango.
He has forgone his relationship with you for another "love" - his habbit.

You may not want to hear it, but you did ask... You may have already lost him, to the drug.
After everything you pointed out in your post, you obviously already see that this is a bad situation and that he no longer cares about you at all.
A child? Do you really beleive this would be a good environment for a child? Please don't make the false assumption that a child will somehow change everything and he will become the ultimate dad... It really doesnt work that way, and you may very well find yourself in a worse situation, only now with a child.

Jex, for your safety and health, you should see that it's perhaps time to move on while there are no strings attached (orther than your feelings - which I know is a biggie), but if you continue you may end up harboring regrets for quite a long time.

[ren_07]

If this habit has only started picking up more in recent times, he may actually be in a bit of a funk and not caring about much of anything right now. And since his mom died fairly recently, I'm gonna bet that has something to do with it. It may not be that he doesn't care about the relationship anymore, he just doesn't care much about anything because he's upset. I think it sounds like he may need some kind of help before you see an improvement. I could be totally wrong here, but only you can really assess the situation.

I think you're going to have to talk to him, but don't make it full of accusations. Why not try approaching him with a genuine "are you okay?" kind of attitude so he sees that you're really just concerned. If he's still just a jerk about everything, it might make him change his mind about his choices to know that his smoking habits are definitely affecting your ability to get pregnant. It's not secret that pot causes male infertility issues.