[classy_lady]

Hi,

After having met only perverted, lying, manipulating, disrespectful and irresponsible men I have finally come to the conclusion that it is only a waste of my time and mental sanity to try any more. I have done everything I could to make things work (to a reasonable extent that is) but they just keep doing the same thing. I'm fed up. So please tell me what is the point of being born when you will never find love? Yes, you are accomplished and have a life and men do not define you, but in the end it all feels so empty and odd. I'm confused and do not know where I belong anymore. I do have a loving family and love them. But this all feels so terrible to know that you will die alone and unloved, no matter how strong you are mentally. Help!

[WildChild]

I understand that you are hurt and frustrated and are venting. We've all done it at some time. I can understand the desire to have a deeply connected and loving relationship. I've certainly had similar feelings at times but a friend pointed out to me the need to look at what was the common denominator in all my relationships?
Ewww
Guess What?
It was me.
Not that I'm a bad person to be in a relationship with, not at all, but I let the losers into my life! I have to own that and take responsibility for it. The other part of that and its the good news, while I can't make anyone else act differently. I can act differently. I can choose to be more loving of myself and to expect to have a better quality of relationship.
You know what happened when I did that?
I had man who is (so far) very affectionate and caring come into my life. He's a little rough around the edge, he's not fault free but neither am I. He does want a real relationship with a real woman which has been a nice change.

Have your rant. Get it out of your system. Then think about it? We really do tend to get just what we expect. It might be deep down but its there. So figure out what you really want and need and put it to yourself that you won't open the door anything less.

[rcoreyus]

Where and how have you been meeting men? There ARE lots of very nice men out there, but maybe you are looking in the wrong places? I've also noticed that some women have terrible luck with men, but its never been obvious why. Maybe they are unconsciously picking up on the wrong clues?

[caterpillar79]

The more you love yourself, the more love you will get. A wise witch once told me that only those deserving stay in your life. Those who do not were just but there to help you see yourself through until you get to where you are right now.

[oxy-moron]

Hi
This will sound funny but as a male I think I can judge if a man will be a good partner for a woman. But I dont think that I can judge if a woman would be a good partner for me. Find a male family member or friend whose judgement you trust and ask for advise on any new prospects you are looking at.
They will be able to spot a player or someone who is insincere.

In future do some digging about their past- how they treated their previous ladies will be a sure sign of future behaviour.
Watch out for guys who spend too much time doing one thing- Computer games- alcohol- golf - running - if any of these single things dominate their time it is a very bad sign.
Dont Give up- but be on guard for lemons.

[Guest]

When life gives you lemons make lemonade.

Never settle for anything less than you deserve. You apparently have in the past, so learn from it and move forward.

Life is nothing more than a series of choices...so make good ones and when you make a mistake, don't beat yourself up, but learn from it.

[Little_Miss_Me]

After having met only perverted, lying, manipulating, disrespectful and irresponsible men I have finally come to the conclusion that it is only a waste of my time and mental sanity to try any more. I have done everything I could to make things work (to a reasonable extent that is) but they just keep doing the same thing. I'm fed up.

Get in line =P

I'm going to be really blunt with you, but trust me when I say I'm only posting to help. We've all been through this. And women for the rest of our existence will go through it. Here's your problem:

I have done everything I could to make things work

Please, don't get me wrong. There are ups and downs in relationships. You work through them, and sometimes you feel absolutely looney for even trying to work through them. I spent years with someone, a good man with all of my "checklist" qualities, trying to make work. I bent over backwards. I tore myself apart when something bad happened. I shouldered everything. And I wasted years on him. It took me forever to realize one thing, no matter how good a guy is or how much he seems right for you, he probably isn't. And guess what -- when you do meet the man that is right for you, you know.

Every guy that wanted a chance with me, I'd give a shot. I'd start in the relationship, work through things. When in all reality, it just wasn't right. Square peg in a round hole. Sure my family loved them. I thought they'd be a great husband and father. I thought they'd be a *smart* choice. And on paper, they were. So I worked through it, and FORCED things to happen.

About a year ago, that stopped. In a year, literally, I've been on over forty first dates. And every one of the them but three have ended on that night. I know it sounds weird or crazy, but if I'm done trying to make things work with people for every reason other than I felt completely and utterly attracted and connected to this person. I'm done with Mr. Right Nows, and I only want to deal with Mr. Right. And the only advice I could give someone like you, who seems far too much like me, is don't settle. You've probably got an excellent judge of character and you probably know within the first date if things are "right" or not. Go with your heart, and quit wasting your time and precious effort.

[Hopeless Dork]

When every single guy you enter into a relationship with or start dating, etc... turns out to be a bad apple -- you only have one common denominator -- You. So either you are picking the wrong men, or... you are letting THEM pick you. Think of the things that are most important to you in a relationship such as someone you can get along with, someone that respects you, someone that makes you feel special, etc.

Note what I described above does not include superficial things. The man you meet is generally the man he's going to always be. If he's sleeping around a lot when you meet him, chances are ... he's not going to stop that trend for you. If he's rude, insensitive, etc... yep... thats just the way he is. Too often women fall for a guy that is missing all the fundamental things that would make them happy, such as being capable of caring for someone other than themself... and instead of moving on they cross their fingers and hope to change the man to become their ideal -- it never ends well.

So if you limit your dating pool to guys that ALREADY fit your personality, you are going to be much better off. A man won't complete you, you are right about that... but after spending several, SEVERAL years alone... I've realized that all of lifes experiences can be so much more rich when you share them with someone. That someone could be a signifcant other, a best friend, a family member, a stranger... we as humans DO need to feel a connection in this world to another person or persons. To be care for and be cared about is something not unnatural to crave.

Don't give up on the notion that you will find someone that can add to the happiness you already create for yourself, its way too easy to go into a shell (i've done so in the past) and you miss out on sooo much when you make up your mind that you won't be happy with someone. Because when you close off, people can feel it, and they will not gravitate to a closed off person... but if you are open to life and love and possibility... it will show, you will shine and more opportunities will come your way.

[stressed]

We choose the wrong men. Even when we reach the point where we understand they're not "good for us" we tend to stay and work with it, we are patient, we even try to "change them", only to find out (some times years down the road) that they're STILL not "good for us" and we've just wasted our time hoping for them to improve. Many women feel obliged to work hard on their relationships, act like mothers, friends, loving partners, because "all men are boys" etc. but they end up unhappy with the man they ended up with. Women should be more open regarding breaking up and stop hoping men will change for them. Only then will they find a nice man suitable for them.

[Guest]

Firstly you have stolen my White Tiger label. ok, I'll let you off 'cos I like you. We are part of the same species so I'm bound to be sympathetic. Seriously, don't you think that a ot of men become exasberated by the antics of "some" women ? Don't blame all men. If you are a good person and send out the right signals you will attract the right sort of man sooner or later. We men feel pain, loneliness, heartbreak, frustration just as much as you. I really hope that you find someone nice soon. Make sure you love yourself (without being vain) first and then someone will love you for you being you. Best of luck and lots of love xx